Monday, March 15, 2010

#96 Prisons and Hurricanes (retro)

Prisons and Hurricanes

Today I got up and checked the Weather Channel because of Hurricane Gustov, to see how things were going. There was a lot of very dreadful concerns about this hurricane in fear of what Katrina did only 3 years ago, almost to the day.

I checked my email to see if I got any emails, especially after the blog I wrote yesterday in my disappointment in Daily Strength, and you could tell I was really ticked off with that…

(hey, I told you that when you read my blogs, be aware that I don’t hold much back).

Sometimes it really gets depressing that a person’s sincerity does not count for much because we are trained to not trust others we don’t know…and to NEVER trust an ex felon.

But last night I was thinking on some things about prison and the hurricane, and something bothered me on this. On both situations, there are some similar bases…one big one is FEAR.

Why do we fear hurricanes? Because of the immense damage that can be done. Why do we fear prison? Because of all the negative things that might happen. We are talking about the negative things that grip us with fear.

Heck, advertising often uses fear to get you to buy their product. They introduce a fear to you, get you to worry about it, then offer you their solution. It’s easy to prey on your fear, we are so easily tricked to believe the worst, rather than the best.

There is a commercial I see about some loan company that seems to be more than happy to loan you up to $1500 to pay for the things that “life brings”. The commercial then creates a lot of “bad things” that might happen to you, like your refrigerator breaking down, or your car breaking down and you need that extra cash. Then of course, they come to the rescue to say that they can help you. What they are doing is introducing a fear to you, and holding the “cure”…for a price of course.

But I read the fine print of that loan (very hard to do when they put it in like tiny print) and saw that the interest is like 216%….WOW!

Lots of businesses prey on our fear, and apparently it is the easiest emotion to manipulate. This is shown easily when it comes to prisons and hurricanes. There are probably a million people across the country right now looking online for help with a loved one in jail or prison. Why? Not because they are interested in knowing what goes on, but because they are SCARED!

Fear. Fear of not knowing what will happen to a loved one in prison. Late last week many people were getting scared about Hurricane Gustov, because it was shaping up to be another Katrina.

I wish I had blogged on what I did on this earlier, but I will share it now, maybe my delay was based on the lack of faith…but not because I had NO faith…listen to this:

Last week, when I was seeing the threat of Gustov, I wondered if anybody was praying for a more favorable outcome, or were they “bracing for the worst”. You see, those are two opposite modes of thought, and you cannot do both. You are either sitting there afraid that Gustov will be as bad or worse than Katrina, or MAYBE you might find some time to pray for those people in that area.

“Oh that’s just silly”

Yeah…that’s why it does not work for you.

Why can’t we believe for a more favorable outcome? I mean, isn’t that what faith is about? And isn’t FEAR the expectation of a terrible outcome? Why would we be expecting that when we could at least try to believe for a better one?

So one night I prayed about it…

(yeah, an ex felon who blogs and isn’t perfect CAN pray folks, it’s not illegal)

And understand guys, I don’t have a halo around my head, and if you read my last blog, you know that sometimes I can get ticked off at some things. But I believed that if this hurricane was predicted to be so terrible, why can’t God do something about it? It wasn’t His will that people get killed and homes destroyed right? And you know the ironic thing about this? Many insurance companies call this “An act of God”.

We are actually endorsing that these terrible things are by God’s hand. But I prayed that if it isn’t God’s will, then why can’t we start believing for a better outcome from this hurricane? So I prayed on it. I think it was Wednesday or Thursday when I did that.

I was watching the Appalachian State vs. LSU game and the guys doing the game on ESPN kept talking about the concerns from Hurricane Gustov. No doubt a lot of people are concerned. My Embarq home page tried to compare it to Katrina, so a lot of people was looking at this with great fear.

The other night I sat in my bedroom, after writing the blog about Daily Strength, and finally cooling down a bit, and wondered what kind of favorable outcome we could hope for. I mean, the best would have been if Gustov just disappeared. But on Saturday it went from a category 2 to a 4, and many were concerned. So was I, but I kept thinking that we could accept and embrace the fear, or have some faith that things can get better.

I thought about that last night, and wondered what would be favorable to me, and if my faith could support it. I mean, let’s be honest, you can say you are believing for your loved one to come out of prison tomorrow, but if you don’t have that faith, it won’t happen. We’ll talk about that in a sec.

But I realize that the amount of faith you have may determine the level of favor you get. I mean, you can’t take $5 and go buy a Mercedes can you? You can’t take $5 and buy a computer either. But if you had $1000 you could buy a computer. You still can’t buy that Mercedes, but you can buy that computer.

Do you see what part faith has in what you are willing to believe? I sat on my bed and wondered how much faith I had to believe that this hurricane won’t be so bad. And I am not making it sound like I was the only guy praying, I know there had to have been millions of people praying around the world, and my faith may have been the least of them all…but it was there.

I wondered if the hurricane would degrade on the level of faith. I thought about it and reasoned that if I woke up and saw that the hurricane was at LEAST a category 2, then I would be satisfied that it was favorable. Of course I would have wanted it to drop further, but my faith was based on what I believed AGAINST all the reports I had seen.

Well, this morning when I got up and checked the Weather Channel about 10am, they said that Hurricane Gustov was nearing landfall, and was barely a Category 2.

I smiled when I saw it. Not because of the damage and the still current threats of this powerful storm, but the fact that it COULD have been much worse…and in fact was predicted to be worse. But it seems to show that some faith can change things…but only to those who are willing to believe that.

So what does this have to do with loved ones in prison? Everything.

Just as we are not sure what severe weather will do, we also don’t know what a person will do in severe situations like prison. Yes there are a lot of people with “prison fetishes”, but most people are running around the internet trying to find answers about prison. They are trying to understand what prison is about, how to help their son, how to help their boyfriend, how to help their husband, how to stay in touch, how to keep them upbeat, how to cope with a loved one in prison.

All this is based on the fear…and most of it is the fear of the unknown.

People are afraid of what they HEARD, not of what will happen. I mean, we all heard of the stereotypes of what those hardened criminals look like. I mean, EVERYBODY knows that every inmate is about 250 pounds, hair over every part of their body except those that are bald. We know they all lift weights and have arms as big as a light pole and they curse with every other word. We also know every inmate carries a shank and belongs to a gang and gets in a fight with an officer at least once a week. We also believe that they have raped, or have BEEN raped by someone during their incarceration, and as soon as they get out of prison, they will go rob a bank.

That’s every person that has ever gone to prison.

Hmmmm……

You know, I don’t qualify for any of those stereotypes. I weighed about 170 while in prison (now about 175) and was not hairy nor bald. I did play around with the weight piles, but was not into it like some others. I never cursed while in prison at anyone or even under my breath. I never got in a fight with any officer, but I have had words with many, and have been in a fight with another inmate once. I have never raped or been raped, but I have has a couple of inmates make an advance on me. And although I could certainly use the money, I have never thought about robbing a bank.

Yet these are the fears many people have. So much of your fears are based on what you don’t know. And what is happening is that when you get around others with the same mentality, you may well be FEEDING that fear to one another. This is why I have been so adamant about the failure of prison support sites. Unless there is an ex felon who has gone through it to give help, the site is only sharing frustration, fear and anxiety. Somebody has to be there to say to those people, “don’t worry, let’s talk this through and find solutions by faith instead of embracing fear”.

But the problem is…most people don’t believe in that anyway.

Your son gets sent to prison for 20 years, and what do you say?

“I am worried sick”.

That is the embracing of fear. Now I am not saying that we cannot have fear come upon us, but I am saying we can do something about it rather than just “accept it”. Everybody in the country KNEW Gustov was coming, how many prepared for the worst, and how many prayed for a more favorable outcome?

Think about that. Then think about your loved one in prison. Lots of you toss and turn in bed and lose sleep, get sick and worry because you don’t know what your loved one is going through in prison. But it goes deeper than that. It’s not so much that you are worried about what he is going through…it’s because you are fearful that the WORST will happen.

See, if you KNEW he was doing ok, you would be much better than if you thought he was being beaten up right now…or later today. So it proves that fear is what is keeping you up at night. A severe case of the “what ifs”. But there is a way to fight that, and that is to counter the problem. Something has to offset, or resist the problem…

Just like hurricanes. Hurricanes feed off warm waters and can get stronger the longer they are there. Such was the case with Gustov when it jumped from a 2 to a 4 in one day. But like all hurricanes, the moment it makes landfall, it starts to lose strength. Land is a strong buffer, and starts to take away the power of a hurricane and start to minimize the damage. This is obviously true…have YOU ever heard of a hurricane hitting from the Gulf Coast and making its way to Chicago? NO. The remnants of the hurricane might get there as storms, but the actual hurricane could never make it that far.

That is because the cause of the problem was countered. Faith and fear work the same way, even with prison issues. If you are afraid of what your loved one is going through in prison, you need to find a way to have faith that he or she can get through this, and that you can have a favorable result from it.

This isn’t easy for most people because so few info is shared about HOW to do this. I am not saying I have all the answers, heck, maybe NONE, but I am a guy that lived through it and can talk about it. And one thing I seem to be learning as I blog is that it is important to start developing faith rather than just accepting fear when it comes to prison issues.

Example: A person afraid of their loved one becoming institutionalized.

What is the fear based on? What proof is there that he WILL become institutionalized. None. But it is based on the fear that it might happen. Did you know that fear is the acceptance of a negative situation? If you fear that your son might get in a fight in prison, then you are virtually saying you expect him to get in one. You don’t want him to, but you EXPECT it.

If you fear a loved one becoming institutionalized, you may well be banking on him doing just that, and why would you do that, when you can start applying some faith that he WON’T become institutionalized? This does not just mean to sit there and believe, because there are small details you can do to help your faith. But it all starts with fighting that fear.

Example: A person worried about their loved one with a sex charge in prison.

This one is dicey because there is the believe that “you all know what they do to sex offenders in prison”. You know….the ones who say that are mostly those who have never been in prison. So how do THEY know what goes on?

Yet there is a great fear for guys like that. Many of these stereotypes come from society’s sad idea that every person in prison with a sex charge ought to burn in hell. The problem is every case is different, thus the situations and circumstances. Not every sex charge is as terrible as the worse ones, but society does not bother with the details, just the end result. These are the brittle foundations of these stereotypes, but many people embrace that fear.

But to counter that, you have to start having some faith that your loved one will be taken care of, you have to start looking for a more favorable outcome, rather than the worst case scenario. And understand this, faith is not based on a person’s merits. If you believe in someone or love someone, it does not matter what the world thinks of him or her. If you believe that this person deserves some mercy, why not put some faith on it?

Those are just two of many examples where faith and fear are held in the palm of your hand…but you can’t hold both at the same time. Check yourself when you make your posts, or speak about how you feel, because often times it says a lot about your fear, or your faith.

Now as I write this, I know that Gustov is doing some damage, but I think we can all agree that it wasn’t nearly what some predicted it to be. It will be rough for them, but they can get through it. And let’s give a heads up on the Hurricane Hanna and another that is out there. Keep that in mind as they seem to be approaching.

It’s interesting that the title says prisons and hurricanes. I actually was in prison at Pasquotank Correction when I think it was Hurricane Floyd hit North Carolina. In fact I think I was there for 2 hurricanes and both times we had to evacuate the camp. I wrote something about it in my journal while I was there. If I find it (it’s not lost), I can share with you what I wrote before that hurricane hit. You have to understand, we were literally on the Atlantic Ocean, go online and find Elizabeth City, NC on the map and see what I am talking about. So obviously there was some concern for us inmates, but also for our families as well.

I remember getting through that and saw some of the damage left by Floyd, and saw where in a nearby town near my home was flooded. I was worried because that as pretty close to my families’ home. There was some fear, I won’t lie to you, but I had to fight it to believe my family was ok. When I got a chance to call home, they told me they were fine. Other than loss of power for a little while, they were ok.

See folks, sometimes faith can stop a problem from happening, or it can minimize the problem, giving you a more favorable outcome, or it can get you THROUGH it, which also can be a favorable outcome. You can be spared a hurricane when it changes paths, or you can see it downgrade from a 4 to a 2 before it gets to you, and then you can get through it and be ok after it is done.

With prison issues, there are some similarities. Some of you have a loved one in prison that may have had a bad trial or a terrible lawyer. Maybe you have to apply faith that the injustice done to your loved one will be overturned. For others, it might be the faith to believe that your loved one won’t be harmed while in prison. For others it might be that their loved ones won’t give up on himself while in prison. For still others it could be the faith that when their loved ones get out, they will have every chance to still chase their dreams.

Faith is a lot of things to a lot of people, and every situation is different. But regardless of the situation, there still has to be faith. If not, then what you have is fear. You know, if I kept fearing getting a cold this winter, I will almost guarantee that I will get one. And what do we say when something like that happens….

“I KNEW I’d get a cold, I just KNEW it!”

Why? Because our fear was actually the expectation of something negative. Be careful what you wish for…sometimes you will get it.

Anyway, today is Labor Day and almost 1pm here. Today there is a college football game scheduled about 4pm, so I wanna get ready for that. I have no idea what in the world is going on with the ACC this year. Clemson gets clobbered, Virginia Tech gets knocked off, NC State gets shut out, Virginia gets whipped by USC, it’s going to be embarrassing living in NC and ACC country this year…but hey, it’s still football and I intend to watch every bit of it!

Lately I got some emails on it and I am very appreciative for that. This is the only place I can freely talk about the importance of supporting my blogs because as you know, prison support sites don’t allow ex felons like me to even mention financial support. Apparently, we’re supposed to live on the streets begging for tomorrow’s meal and go to the public library and use the computer to blog and then go back to the streets.

It is important that I am supported as much as I try to support those who find my blogs. People don’t understand the exchange of support that is necessary to help one another, they just want all the help coming their way, and get upset when someone dares to ask for consideration.

So these blogs become my haven.

So I hope you understand what this blog is about. I can talk about a lot of things to help you understand how to be more mindful of a supportive nature, but remember, it’s being written by an individual who did time, and is trying to get his life together too. I never said I was perfect, I never said I knew it all, but in the grander scope of things, does that really matter? The bottom line is that somebody is trying to help you understand that prison is indeed a very negative place, but you can help someone by first becoming more positive in a negative situation, and then finding the strength to empower yourself to get through these days. And once you get in that position, you then have the confidence to help a loved one that needs your help.

Folks, you can get through this…you CAN.

No comments:

Post a Comment