tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30595526665558920682024-02-08T12:02:03.073-08:00Prison101a prison blog for those with loved ones in prisonNolaw97http://www.blogger.com/profile/02288903303317764466noreply@blogger.comBlogger230125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3059552666555892068.post-78379540721577882422010-06-13T08:32:00.001-07:002010-06-13T08:32:34.659-07:00#230 Grades of Honor Prison ProjectThe Grades of Honor Prison Project<br /><br /> In an attempt to generate revenue and establish a foundation of work, I am presenting myself to those who have loved ones in prison. If you have a son, boyfriend, husband, grandson, pen pal or whomever that is in prison, or may be going to prison, I want to present my offer to you.<br /><br /> I have been writing on prison issues for about 8 years now, and have shared thousands of pages of posts and blogs on numerous sites. Some of you have read my works as “masonik4”, some as “Nolaw97”. I want to try to push my works out for those looking for venues to encourage those that are in prison.<br /><br /> I want to offer my writing to help those seeking a way to comfort a loved one in prison, or comfort to yourself while having a loved one in prison. There are a wide variety of ways I can do this, but before you consider anything with me, I first ask that you take the time to read my blogs, to decide for yourself if I am sincere enough for your trust.<br /><br /> Do NOT jump into this simply because it sounds nice. I can’t encourage or help you if you are not convinced that I can help you. It is critical that before you make any moves to get involved in my project that you first believe there IS hope. If you don’t believe that, either go back and read my blogs until you start to see that I really am trying to help, or do not get involved in the Grades of Honor Projects.<br /><br /> To generate an income, while helping those in need, I often ask for support if you are interested. If you simply want to support my works, then email me and ask how you can do that, I am always very, very grateful for the gifts I receive from readers who want to help. <br /><br /> But if you are interested in a project, I broke it down to 5 different levels, depending on what you are able to do.<br /><br />Level Amounts<br /><br />$5<br /> This is basically an introductory project, for those that are curious or those that are interested in what I can do. For this amount, I will send you one of my prison cards, a prison encouragement certificate, and a flyer of a prison issue. This hopefully will give you an idea of what I am able to do, while also giving you something that you may be able to send to a loved one in prison.<br /><br />$10<br /> For those who are familiar or comfortable with my works, this project allows me to give you more than the previous package. With this project, I can double up on the cards and prison encouragement certificates, but also provide you with one of my offline prison discussions that might be useful to you. To be sure, I add more here than with the previous project, which also will include a couple of prison issue flyers.<br /><br />$20<br /> With this project I will be able to send you 4 prison cards, 4 prison encouragement certificates, an offline prison document that may help you or a loved one in prison, extra single page prison writings I have done and the upcoming month’s calendar, so your loved one can track his daily progress. Some inmates like to check off days, some like to write a scripture each day, but I can design a monthly calendar for the inmate. Note I will send the upcoming month, so for example if I get a request in mid July, the package will include the month of August. Additional months can be done, but this package includes just the upcoming month.<br />$50<br /> With this project you will receive my first “Grades of Honor” book, along with an assortment of prison cards, prison encouragement certificates, and a three month calendar for the inmate. I will also include offline prison document writings as well. If you have already bought my first book, I will send the second. If you already have the second, I will send the third in it’s place. If you have all 3 Grades of Honor books (currently on the fourth at the writing of this blog), I will send you my first Blogbook. IF you have all four of these books already, I will send you in its place different packages of prison works that I have written. With several prison short stories, offline writing and more, I have much I can still offer.<br />$100<br /> For this amount I will include my first 3 books of “Grades of Honor, a 6 month calendar that you can send either page by page or altogether to a loved one in prison, an assortment of cards, prison encouragement certificates, prison documents and more. With this amount, please make sure to let me know the relationship of your loved one, whether son, grandson, husband or whatever, because for this amount, I want to try to create cards, encouragement certificates and the like that tailor more for you, since you have chosen to support my works. You don’t have to be too specific. The name of your loved one, and where he is located is not necessary, because I don’t want to seem too inquisitive about your loved one. But knowing if he is your son, or pen pal or whatever helps me to think of new ideas to create new products to help you. IF you already have one or more of the “Grades of Honor” books, I will substitute that with more prison works such as prison cards, offline or blog documents and other projects.<br /><br /> In addition, I am thinking of trying to jumpstart a newsletter on prison issues, but not really sure when to kick that off. The idea however is to have at least 5-10 people to send it to per month to make it worth the time. IF I start on that, I have to decide how many pages it will be, and how much it may cost. I am looking basically at maybe $2 for a monthly issue, but this is still in the works.<br /><br /> Additionally, I have also started a project called “Scriptures for Inmates” in which I want to create a project using scriptures in discussions for inmates, or people with loved ones in prison, to help encourage them and build faith. This may include a card, a document and a flyer. There may be more, but I am looking for people interested in such a project. If I get enough interest, I may offer this monthly project at about $5 to $8 per month, depending on what I am going to put into it each month.<br /><br /> And one more project I have already started is the “package of the month”, in which I create a prison package by designing a prison card, single page prison document, a multi page prison document and a prison encouragement certificate all with the same theme. I have already designed a couple of these and they are already available, but if this kicks off I hope to make more in the future.<br /><br /> These are just a few of many things I have been working on. The hope now is to get emails and contacts of people that are interested in me helping them. The idea here of course it two fold: To help those with loved ones in prison, and to earn some money in the process so I can step up my works. I won’t lie to you and say this can be done without earning some money, because it is what will determine how much I can do…if any at all.<br /><br /> So for those that support my blogs, or have been for awhile, your help has gotten me to this point where I can offer the ideas and projects I wish to do. Now I have to wait for people to email me and let me know if this is something they can believe in me for. I have a very wide range of prison works that I have already done, remember I have been writing on prison issues for about 8 years. I have much to share, and now I am hoping there is a “market” for those that are interested in my works. If I can get the support to get off the ground with this, there may be even greater works in the future.<br /><br /> So take some time to think over this folks, I will let this blog sit up here for about a week, so everyone gets the chance to read this. If you have any questions of my sincerity, go back and read my past blogs, it will tell you much about me. I challenge you, a person that doesn’t care about you would not write as much, because it would not be in their heart. I am not saying I am a saint, but if you read my blogs, you know I am doing the best I can.<br /><br /> Email me if you have any questions or are interested in my works. I would really like to kick this off by July, so I can have a good idea of what I need to have done, and what I need to have as far as supplies. I believe there is hope, I believe I can help, but only if you are truly looking for hope. We can get through this folks, if we can work together in faith.<br /><br /> If you are interested, email me at derf4000 AT embarqmail DOT com. (note I used broken link to prevent spam)Nolaw97http://www.blogger.com/profile/02288903303317764466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3059552666555892068.post-73248164150950459312010-06-11T21:47:00.001-07:002010-06-11T21:47:50.226-07:00#229 Counterpunching the probation officerCounterpunching the Probation Officer<br /><br /> Well, I had not planned on blogging tonight, as it is past 11:30pm, but I was playing a video game on the xbox 360 and it froze on me…<br /><br /> No different than when you are on the computer, and it freezes and you can’t save…same way and just as frustrating…<br /><br /> So I turned off the xbox and decided that I might as well blog tonight. And the idea to blog on is based on a question a person asked me tonight.<br /><br /> To the point, what do you do if you have a loved one preparing for prison, and have a lot of supportive letters written by the community, but the probation officer has a very countering argument against your loved one? <br /><br /> This is for a lot of you, but for one who wrote me on this, I wanted to talk about that tonight…before I fall asleep. Not that this is boring, because this is an interesting subject to blog on.<br /><br /> Now before we begin, lets all agree that Nolaw97 (me) is NOT a lawyer, nor pretends to be one. I am just sharing what I can based on what little I have experienced, to help encourage others. Got it? Ok.<br /><br /> So a mom has a son that is a little down because all the letters from the community supporting him seems to have no effect to the probation officer, who says he is a menace to society and should be locked up. If you are a mother (or even a wife, girlfriend, grandmother) in this situation, what do you do?<br /><br /> The idea is that you have to find a way to encourage that loved one so that he does not break down. And it can be easy to do that if you believe the probation officer is out to get you…as often seems the case.<br /><br /> Now, I had a few probation officers after I got out in 2001, and I will say that none of them were “bad” people out to get me. I say that in all honesty, even though at the end of my probation my third parole officer had to turn papers in on me because I could not afford to pay the THOUSANDS of dollars in restitution. Not that I refused, but that I just could not pay it…and I think 99% of the time to have that kind of amount put on a 3 year probation was unlikely to do anyway…it was like the court system was expecting a failure…and almost got one.<br /><br /> But as God as my witness, I cannot blame my PO (probation officer) because legally he was in the right. I just could not pay the amount, and it was a part of my probation. He even apologized for me and spoke well of me in court, because he knew my situation. But what if it seems that the PO is against you, as in this case?<br /><br /> There has to be a way to counterpunch his move, and we need to talk about that tonight.<br /><br /> I guess counterpunch is a good term, since I was watching “Friday Night Fights” on ESPN an hour or two ago. In boxing, this is basically when a boxer returns a punch to his opponent, in an attempt to stun, or knock down his opponent. The idea is to not just “take” a punch, but to return in kind…to counter, if you will.<br /><br /> Can it be any different in legal issues? In a case where you are worried about your loved one and how he feels after getting the bad news that the PO really seems out to put you away, what do you do?<br /><br /> In the email to me, the mom asks how to keep him encouraged, because her son feels that the PO has the upper hand. To be sure, he can suggest that the guy get time, and more of it, depending on the situation. But one of the first things we have to understand is that a PO’s word is NOT law.<br /><br /> We have to remember that there is a judge on the stand, and he is charged to weigh all the options, not just what the PO says. True, he can take into strong consideration what the PO says, but he (or she) has to also be fair enough to consider the accused as well.<br /><br /> For that reason, it is important to encourage the son that just because the PO says what they said does NOT mean it is over. This is critical because you have to still give hope even in negative situations. This is where most people fail, because we don’t believe in “giving false hope” or “building up someone’s hope”. But in doing that same thing, we are actually establishing the worst case scenario, which doesn’t really help anybody.<br /><br /> If you have 40 letters from churches, friends, family, teachers and the like, what this clearly proves that there is a supportive community for this person. Even if he still has to do some time for whatever violation he is guilty of, this can be a powerful counter that tells the judge that he is still an asset to the community. This counters almost directly the PO’s position that he is a menace to society, if you have dozens of letters in support.<br /><br /> Now, does this mean he won’t get any time? Maybe not, because the court of law says that if you violate probation, you are at their mercy to go back to prison, and how much more time to do. But in my case, I was guilty of not being able to pay the money inside of 3 years, so I was indeed at the mercy of the court. Now, if you never read my blog about what happened, you may need to look for that…it is a very inspiring story about faith and miracles in the face of apparent defeat.<br /><br /> So I know that even with violations, a guy does NOT have to do time…I am a perfect example of that situation. But in this situation of the mom and her son, it is important to stand firm on what the community has provided to the judge. Don’t get dismayed at what the PO says, you have to remember that the PO works on the side of the community in general, not specific. I know there are a lot of probation officers out there that really don’t care about their clients (as it might be said), but we have to remember that they are charged to supposedly defend the safety of the community. If they feel that an offender is not fit to be in the community and should do time, then it has to be weighed carefully by the judge.<br /><br /> But it does NOT mean a crushing defeat.<br /><br /> It is important to not be discouraged in such a situation. But being human we are often tempted to look at the worst case scenario when we get just a bit of bad news. There is a scripture that goes, “he shall not be afraid of evil tidings, his heart is fixed, trusting in the Lord”<br /><br /> It tells us that bad news WILL come, but not to be afraid of it. Nowhere in the Bible were we promised to never get bad news…it comes whether you are a pastor, an NBA all star, the President, a teacher, a Hollywood actress or an ex felon. But the scripture says NOT to be afraid.<br /> <br /> That’s hard to do folks, been there billions of times!<br /><br /> When I was in county jail, before being sent to prison, I would spend days and weeks reading faith scriptures, praying and trying to stay in faith. I built my faith up, believing in a miracle, but then when I got a visit from my lawyers, it felt like the air was sucked out of me. I would return to the cell, feeling like I had 500 extra pounds put on my heart.<br /><br /> But at that moment, I had to build faith, I had to not give in to the bad news. Sure it looked bad, heck it looked TERRIBLE, but I was standing on faith for a better solution. And at that moment, I went back to those scriptures, and read them, and put them back in my heart. If you’re gonna believe in something, why not believe in something positive, instead of the worst case scenario?<br /><br /> You have to encourage your loved one to hang in there, that those letters of support still mean something, regardless of what the PO says. A community supports him, and that has to count for something.<br /><br /> This is not the time to give in, and fall on your face and embrace despair. Believe me folks, I have done that many times, but after awhile, something stirs inside me to get up and pick up my faith. That is what has to happen folks, you have to pick it back up.<br /><br /> The fact that your loved one is worried means he has dropped the faith…he has GOT to pick it back up…and you too. Remember folks, your loved ones will feed off your energy. If you are consistently positive, the will eventually feed off it. If you are consistently negative, they will feed off that. So you have a huge part to play in this as well. Now is not the time for you to panic and think that the PO has all power over your loved one’s future.<br /><br /> Remember there are many parts to this situation. There is your loved one, the ability of his lawyer to present his case, the PO who is in opposition, the judge that has to see both sides as fairly as possible…<br /><br /> And then there is God.<br /><br /> Don’t underestimate that last one folks, most times we do, then when things don’t work out we wonder why He didn’t help us.<br /><br /> And this isn’t to imply that the PO is of the devil, that isn’t fair to say. But we should not be godly afraid of a PO as if he or she controls your life…that isn’t true at all. But to counter the PO, you have to remember what sources you are working with.<br /><br /> I mean come on, the NBA Finals between Boston and Los Angeles has proven time and time again that just because one team is up, the game is not over. Even after 4 games, nobody really knows who is gonna win this, because the series is even at 2 games each.<br /><br /> So don’t get all bent out of shape because one person said something negative…hmmm, sounds like advice I need to take myself… but anyways…<br /><br /> It is important to establish a positive frame of mind, to keep your loved one calm and positive. Invest some faith in the situation, and encourage him to stay positive. Whether the idea is to minimize the time he has to do, or even no time at all, it will be strongly based on your level of faith.<br /><br /> “Well that’s not true, the courts decide that.”<br /><br /> Not necessarily folks. In a carnal sense, this is very true. Between the lawyer, the probation officer and the judge, they can indeed decide your loved one’s fate. But spiritually, there is an incredibly lot of things that can happen for your side. Just because you can’t see how things work does not mean they don’t work. Heck, I don’t know how this keyboard works, but I do know that when I tap these keys to spell what I want, it does what I want. I don’t know how exactly computers work, or how our tv works or how my xbox works…(or how it FROZE on me…) but it works.<br /><br /> Man is the same way. I don’t suggest or imply that I know how God works, but I do know that God is a Spirit, and works in ways we cannot possibly understand. Sure, man tries to explain it, but we’re not smart enough to know how God works. But having faith in God seems to get Him to move on your behalf, based on how much faith you have in Him actually working on your side.<br /><br /> It is possible that God can, at His pleasure, turn the hearts of ANY man, or change a situation to a more favorable one simply because people had faith in Him to do so? You can’t look at that rationally because you can’t understand that. If you as a mom is looking at a son looking at anywhere from 3 to 5 more years, then you may well be hoping for a more favorable outcome, anywhere from the minimum time (if you are resolved that he has to do time) to possibly none at all (which is based on your faith, not a wish).<br /><br /> If in your heart you would be happy if he got as little time as possible, then put some faith on that. Of course, any mom would want their son to do NO time, but we don’t all have the faith for that outcome. As a scripture says, “according to YOUR faith be it unto you”.<br /><br /> So a lot of this is based on the spiritual, and how you can get your loved one to have faith, to not panic, and to not give place to fear. But understand me when I say this folks, it has to be REAL! I can lie to you about anything I want, and you may believe it, but if I want it to mean something, it has to be real to me. We often get this mixed up with wishing, which is not the same as faith, even if we so called “pray”.<br /><br /> For example, can you quote 3 scriptures based on deliverance if your loved one is worried about such a situation?<br /><br /> “I sought the Lord, and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears”.<br /><br /> “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not on thy own understanding. Acknowledge Him in all thy ways, and He will direct thy steps”<br /><br /> “The angel of the Lord encampeth round about those that fear Him, and delivers them”<br /><br /> I wrote those off the top of my head, do you have any that come to mind when you have problems? Those scriptures come from Psalms, although I am terrible at quoting exact numbers (somehow I don’t think God is counting that against me).<br /><br /> All this plays an important part to what you are believing. When you get bad news, such as a PO giving a bad report against you, do not believe that it is more important than your faith. That is not the time to fall flat and give up. There is just too much riding on this to do that.<br /><br /> As the mom, you have to hang in there. If you don’t have a scripture to stand on, find one. I found a LOT of Psalms that really helped me through some very tough times. Remember folks, some of those Psalms were written by David in some of the toughest times of his life.<br /><br /> So in essence, having written about 5 pages of this stuff…are we truly counterpunching the probation officer…or bad news in general?<br /><br /> Think carefully before you jump the gun on that…if you have been reading this blog tonight, you should already know the answer.<br /><br /> Now, some of you will read this and think I am full of crap…. I mean how DARE this ex felon sit here and talk about God and faith and all that stuff! If he believed in that so much, why is he an EX FELON?<br /><br /> If I fully explained that, you still would not believe…so why bother? However, if I ever finish writing all my “Grades of Honor” books, I think the answer would indeed be in there…but gosh, I am barely on book 4 now, and to write them all would be over 12 books…not sure if I will ever finish it.<br /><br /> But there seems to be a reason why I have been blogging so long, why I have written so much on a subject I would have NEVER volunteered to do. But here I am, blogging after midnight on a subject to help some of you in a situation that you may be losing sleep over. And for some reason, I just cannot turn my back when there are so many that have been looking for help.<br /><br /> You’re not reading the words of a saint (although I am a Saints fan!) but I am truly hoping that God looks at the heart of every person, and knows what they are capable of. I can’t lie to God, no matter how hard I try. He knows us all as perfectly as we know our alphabet. And for that reason, He knows ALL solutions. We only know a few, and when we get bad news on it, we lose hope on the little we thought we knew.<br /><br /> Folks, you’re not fighting the probation officer…you’re fighting fear. Sure, in this case the PO appears to be the container of fear, but you cannot give in to that. If you believed that 30 or 40 sincere letters from the community are valid enough to at least give your loved one a decent chance for a more favorable solution, then don’t let go of that.<br /><br /> But stack the odds more in your favor. Believe that, then encourage your loved one to not give up hope. If carnally you think it requires more, then find ways to get your loved one to work volunteer services in the community to prove his worth and regain the trust of the community. Have some of those people write directly to the PO and explain why they believe your son should be considered for a second chance. Talk to the lawyer about the validity of community support and how it should be strongly considered for a more favorable outcome.<br /><br /> But spiritually, do this as well: Counter that fear with faith, believing more in what God can do, than what man might do. If you have any problems with the PO, who is only doing their job, find room to forgive them. That is hard because it appears that the PO is “out to get him” but I caution you, prayer means NOTHING without forgiveness. It is ok to feel discouraged about it, because the flesh will do that, but you have to believe that the PO is not above God, and no heart is stronger than God. But scriptures tell us that if we do not forgive, neither will God forgive us. And if there is no forgiveness, your prayers are no better than if I pray to almighty Spongebob Squarepants…<br /><br /> (yep…I watch that too folks…)<br /><br /> So there is much to consider when it comes to counterpunching the probation officer. When I remember what I went through, I remember fighting that fear every day. I knew for weeks, even MONTHS that there was no way I could pay that money on time, I was literally living on borrowed time. That was the time I was desperate in trying to sell my “Grades of Honor” books and cards, trying get support anyway I could, but being banned or removed from sites like Prison Talk, LostVault, WriteAPrisoner and almost any other prison support site with “prison” in the title.<br /><br /> All the news looked bad for me folks, but I did everything I could to stay in faith. Somehow, someway, it HAD to work out. I had no other solution. It wasn’t like Oprah or Bill Gates was gonna hear my plea and bless me with six figures (although I needed four figures).<br /><br /> There were days and nights where I was up at night, wondering if I was getting my hopes too high. I mean, God COULD…but would He? My days were sometimes a living hell, because I just did not know what to do. All I had was some faith, and not much of it I suppose. If it meant calling a ministry for prayer, I did that in private, so my family didn’t worry so much about my situation. If it meant writing a letter I did that. If it meant listening to faith Cds, I did it. It was all I could do, because I didn’t have any money, and wasn’t getting any from my blogs.<br /><br /> But the bad news came and I had violated my probation. Not because I was bad, or doing something wrong, but simply because I could not afford to pay the huge restitution fee. My probation officer really didn’t want to do it, but he had no choice. My probation included paying the restitution, which I think we all knew I could not pay. But I kept believing that somehow, someway, God had to come through…He just HAD to. Not because I was cool, or perfect or any of that stuff that we as society believe in, but simply because I was counting on Him…or in another way, having faith.<br /><br /> The story is long to explain, and even draw a few tears from me to share it, but near the end, I was in my bedroom, after mom was so disappointed in not being able to get a loan to help me. She felt so down, probably close to tears. I was actually on the computer when she said to me, “baby, I can’t get a loan”. I calmly said to her as I was on the computer, “don’t worry, its not over yet”.<br /><br /> WHY I said that I do not know…because NOTHING looked good for me. But something odd inside of me urged me to say that…to speak in faith. Don’t ask me to explain that folks, it would take another 10 pages.<br /><br /> But after I said that, I went to my room, closed the door and sat on the small chair in my room. This was the last day before I had to go to court, and we needed a miracle. If we didn’t get the money before going to court, I may well be going back to prison. I cannot remember what I thought about in that chair, but I was trying to run some scriptures in my head…anything that showed faith. I sat there quietly, clutching my pillow, wondering what tomorrow was gonna bring, or even if I HAD a tomorrow. About that time, and I kid you not, the phone rang, and my mom came in my room, and told me that they approved the loan. With that amount, and what my professor from college said he could send, we had enough to pay my restitution.<br /><br /> So ask me again if I believe in miracles.<br /><br /> In fact, that was a part of the miracle. The situation would continue in court, but I think I made my point. Folks, bad news comes to us all, and when you have a loved one in prison, any bad news seems like it is the breaking point. But it is at that time that you must not resign your faith. A more favorable outcome is possible to those that believe… but you HAVE to believe.<br /><br /> Oh well, there I go, blabbing again. I just know I lose a lot of readers because I talk too much, but if it helps one person, then it was worth the hour’s worth of typing. So I hope it helps some of you. Anyway, gotta get ready for bed, remember if you wanna support my blogs, let me know, and consider my “Grades of Honor” books and prison cards and the like. Until then…Nolaw97http://www.blogger.com/profile/02288903303317764466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3059552666555892068.post-6068817397248784682010-06-11T11:56:00.000-07:002010-06-11T11:57:09.609-07:00#228 Prison Q&A: Prison pen palsQ&A: Prison Pen Pals<br /><br /> A very hot day today, just came back from walking to the post office to mail out one of my books, but glad I was able to do it. There just seems to be a sense of hope each time I mail something out to people who ask for my works.<br /><br /> Again, as always, if you are interested in supporting my blogs, feel free to email me, or if you have questions that I can blog about, let me know. I don’t know everything, but I can do what I can to talk it through.<br /><br /> So today’s blog is directly based on an email, so I wanted to talk a bit today about prison pen pals. This is a subject I don’t talk much about, probably because I don’t deal much with prison pen pal sites because of some very bad experiences with some like LostVault and WriteAPrisoner.<br /><br /> Perhaps they aren’t telling you as much as they should about prison pen pals, maybe because they don’t value the opinion of an ex felon (since I had been banned from them before). But in light of an email I got from a reader, I figured, why not address those questions here for you.<br /><br /> So today I want to blog out some thoughts about the prison pen pal genre. I am basing this off an email, and one or two I got before this one, and I want to see if I can talk to you about the idea of writing to prisoners.<br /><br /> These are the questions I want to address:<br /><br /> Question: Why do inmates ask for money?<br /><br /> Answer: There are a lot of answers here, and I have blogged often about this, as this is a MAJOR issue when it comes to loved ones with people in prison. But with pen pals, this is a greater issue, because in most cases, you don’t know the person at all. A mom wondering why her son needs $50 is one thing, but a pen pal who just started writing to a guy in prison doing 30 years is another thing. If you have not already, bounce back to the last blog, and check out my other blogs on inmates and money. For a person writing to prison, the rule of thumb may be that if they are asking you for money, don’t send.<br /><br /> That sounds cold, but I caution you that many inmates take advantage of people by using so many different excuses to get your sympathy, and eventually money. And yeah, I know I say this against myself, because I ask for support from my readers as well… I mean, that yacht isn’t gonna pay for itself, right?<br /><br /> (he said, HOPING you know I am joking)<br /><br /> Question: Why don’t parents, siblings and friends help send money to inmates in prison?<br /><br /> Answer: That can be misleading…because the reality might be that they already are, and the inmate is not telling you. This comes down to trust, how much do you trust that person you are writing to? Granted not every inmate is some crook, but there are many scams in prison that rely on you falsely trusting someone who wants you to feel sorry for them and send them money.<br /><br /> Its quite possible for an inmate do have 10 people sending him $50 a month, while telling each of them that he is poor, and his dear old mother won’t send him anything, and all his friends have forgotten about him. Again folks, this sounds cold, but I am saying this because this IS an excuse some guys use. Now remember, not all guys in prison are like this, I say that profoundly, but many will use any excuse if it gets you to send them money.<br /><br /> One reader emailed me about a person they wrote to, and was worried because he kept talking about how his family would never send him any money. Remember folks, inmates don’t NEED money, but it helps if they had some. But rule of thumb here, when inmates start complaining about their folks and friends not sending them money, it does not always mean they aren’t. It might mean they are, but the inmate is looking to get more money from as many sources as he can. It might also mean that those family and friends might have stopped sending him money because either he got greedy or he burned his bridges with them.<br /><br /> Is it legit for an inmate to tell you, as a pen pal, about their family not sending money….maybe, but with some exceptions. If you ASKED, and they said that, then there is no fault of suspicion, since you did ask. But if the inmate brings that to your attention, it usually means he is trying to play on your sympathy. The idea is to get you thinking, “that poor man. His mother must really hate him to not even send him $20 a month. And what of all his friends that he had? Surely they must care enough to send him a LITTLE something.”<br /><br /> That line of thinking can easily play on your sympathy to get you to send him money. And while the act is kind and generous, be very cautious that it is not the beginning of him always complaining about his family never doing anything for him. It may be a sign of a con. I mean, if that works, then I might say something like this:<br /><br /> “Please support my prison blogs, my family keeps telling me that they will help me buy that Rolex watch, but they keep talking about how much it costs, so I don’t have watch right now. And my friends all tell me about how they go to Hawaii every summer, and I never get to go…so if you support my blogs, I can have a Rolex watch and go to Hawaii….”<br /><br /> (is that working for anybody??)<br /><br /> Question: Do I have to send money to show I care?<br /><br /> Answer: Very easy answer here…absolutely not. In fact, any inmate that implies that is surely on a con. For example, I say a lot on my blogs that I would love support, but I never, EVER want anybody sending me a penny unless you first truly believe in what I am doing, and that you can easily afford to do so. If there is any question in your heart about my sincerity, don’t send me anything, not a penny, not a dollar, not $1000.<br /><br /> With prison pen pals, you really need to be careful when inmates ask for money. I will admit that the temptation of an inmate to ask is tremendous. If I was still in prison, and someone asked me as a pen pal if I can use some money, I would be very, very tempted to say yes. I mean, if you are offering, then it is good for me to accept your charity. But I think with my foolish pride, I would fight it because I would not have felt worthy of the gift. If you read my Grades of Honor books, you would have read some of that and how I felt during that time.<br /><br /> But rule of thumb here folks, if an inmate asks you to send money, based on how much you care, it is the beginning of a scam. Caring and compassion isn’t based on what you send. It is a financial measure, to be sure, but the heart matters before the dollar. IF you send an inmate $25 because you care, that is fine…if it what your heart led you to do. If you sent $25 because the inmate wanted you to send him that, because you CARE for him, then its not your heart…its manipulation.<br /><br /> Easily put, when you give money to anybody, if your heart is calm, or at peace with it, then it is a good thing. If you are troubled or in question after you sent it, then it may be a problem. For example, if you sent me $50 and you questioned it after you sent it, then you are not fully convinced of me and what I do. But if you sent me anything, and was fully persuaded that I am doing the best I can, then you can have peace for what you did.<br /><br /> The same goes for inmates. If you truly care about an inmate, then it does not matter whether you sent $5 or $500, if your heart is at peace, then that is what matters most. But if it is not, and you feel pressured to send, then it may well be a con.<br /><br /> Question: Do inmates want pen pals from women, men or both?<br /><br /> Answer: Its interesting, because in the years that I have written posts and blogs, the percentage of men that email me, or write posts, or support my blogs are less than 1%. An overwhelming majority are women, which is odd because millions of men have done time. But it is interesting because a lonely man in prison would like to hear from any person…but in most cases they want to hear from women.<br /><br /> This is a complex situation, because as one reader told me, a lot of inmates have requests for pen pals, and indicate that they would like to get a pen pal of any gender…but when guys write to them, they want only women, because maybe they are worried about men writing to men.<br /><br /> It is a selfish thought, because if I was in prison now, I would LOVE to have gotten mail from sports guys that I could talk to about football, basketball or anything like that. And many ministries that write to inmates are by men as well, so to be sure, there are many instances of men writing to men. But maybe because the inmate didn’t make clear the INTENTION of the pen pal, maybe there is some misleading of what he wants.<br /><br /> Odd, because the first thing that comes to my mind is “beggars can’t be choosers”.<br /><br /> If a man is doing 20 years, if the only pen pals he gets is from men, isn’t that better than no mail at all? I mean, I know what it is like to wait at mail time in prison, and names are called, and yours isn’t one of them. I cannot tell you guys how uplifting getting mail can be when you are in prison. Heck, even JUNK mail is better than nothing. So if a person writes to an inmate, it should not matter whether it is a man or woman… but sadly many guys do have a preference, even though they don’t make it clear.<br /><br /> And maybe it is a macho thing, maybe it is because they are secretly looking for a relationship, or maybe they believe that it is easier to con a female than a male (no proof on that, just what an inmate might think). But rule of thumb seems to be that many inmates, NOT ALL, seem to prefer female pen pals. But remember there are many exceptions to that rule.<br /><br /> Question: Why are we advised to use post office boxes when writing to inmates?<br /><br /> Answer: This is basically an issue of trust and safety to the person outside the prison. In a better world, you may not need it, but there is the concern that by giving your personal address to an inmate, there might be the fear that he might “come visit you”.<br /><br /> That would scare the heck out of most people…and for some legit reasons.<br /><br /> Say you have been writing to an inmate for a couple of years, or even months. He is due out in 3 months, and you have been writing to him using your home address. The fear here is that when he gets out, he might come see you…for whatever reason. And since we assume only the negatives for ex felons, him visiting you would only be for one reason…bad news.<br /><br /> Now, that is hypothetical, but this is the stigma attached to prison pen pals. This is also why a lot of women on sites seek out men that have LONG sentences, because there is little to no chance of ever seeing them, if such a thing happens. Word to those folks, if you are thinking along those lines…then you should not be writing to them anyway. No need having a friendship that isn’t sincere.<br /><br /> So the idea of a post office box gives you the safety of him not knowing where you really live. Now, this is purely based on trust, so if you really trust that person, then feel free to write to him from wherever you wish. If you have a concern about giving up your physical address, then by all means, use the PO box. This may also help you in case the prison gets too “nosey” with your mail, or if other inmates get ahold of that address. You giving him a PO box does not mean you don’t trust him, it is perfectly fine to do that. If the inmate has a problem with it, then maybe he has a problem of trust. I mean, if somebody wrote to me, I don’t care if it came from a land address, a PO box or a address from Mars, as long as I got a letter.<br /><br /> These are the same ideas I think about often when I talk about my books and support. I realize that I am asking folks to give me a land address so I can send books to them, or cards and the like, so I understand the idea of trust between me and those who support me. The same goes for inmates and you who write to them. But don’t get bent out of shape when it comes to using a PO box or not. If you are comfortable using a home address, fine. You don’t have to go out of your way to get a PO box if you don’t have one. If you trust the person you are writing to in prison, that is fine.<br /><br /> I know there are many other questions, but I thought these might kinda steer you in the right direction. Not sure if prison pen pal sites truly address these issues from the perspective of one who did time, but I figured this might help a bit. As usual, feel free to email me if you have any questions on prison issues. In general, those of you who write to inmates are truly doing a heroic job, because you care about people that society won’t spend a second with. A lot of those guys are people who made a mistake, and many truly wish things could have been better, but for now they are in prison, regretting a mistake they made. But is so helps when people like you take the time to write to them. I hope you understand the magnitude of charity you give simply by writing to them.<br /><br /> But in the same essence, be mindful to not have your charity turn to manipulation, as many inmates do use people to get money. If you can see the signs, you can tell before hand if the inmate is being honest with you, or if he is trying to take advantage of you. <br /><br /> Well, gotta go, the World Cup is on, and I wanna see some of it, if you wanna support my blogs or ask about my books, cards and the like, you know the email. Until then…Nolaw97http://www.blogger.com/profile/02288903303317764466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3059552666555892068.post-90256050191648624672010-06-10T10:25:00.000-07:002010-06-10T10:26:03.190-07:00#227 Prison talk: power of choicePrison Talk: Power of choice<br /><br /> Well, I guess I am finished sulking…<br /><br /> (you’d have to read my last blog to understand)<br /><br /> With today being Thursday, I put the last can of Coca Cola in the freezer to get a real chill on it….not quite frozen, but very cold.<br /><br /> After feeling down about how I can’t get any checks or money orders cashed unless I get a bank account, I was bummed out trying to figure out how to get a revenue going to I can then GET a bank account. I had to send back the checks and money orders I had received lately and had to apologize to those who put their trust in me. If we can find another way around it, maybe I can get back on track. A few of those folks have told me that they would continue to support me by sending support in other ways, which is cool. If I can just get off the ground with this maybe I can get moving and do more.<br /><br /> Well, today I was checking my emails and got one from a person who writes to pen pals. Personally I have not had very good relationships with prison pen pal sites, like LostVault and WriteAPrisoner, it seems those sites don’t really care much about what the inmate is experiencing, and thus don’t listen when an ex felon talks about prison. And Heaven forbid if I mention the slightest idea of my book, I get run out like I stole something.<br /><br /> So I don’t really support those sites, because it is clear they do not support ex felons…odd, since they encourage people to write to them….<br /><br /> But anyways….<br /><br /> Today’s discussion is based on the email I got from a person that was concerned about sending money to people in prison, a question a LOT of you have. Although I have talked about this in the generic form, I wanted to take a different approach, if I may.<br /><br /> The title is “power of choice”, what do I mean by that?<br /><br /> This has a LOT to do with the mentality of inmates, money and doing time. Now, society in general may not believe in that, or that ever inmate ought not get anything, but I believe that rehabilitation takes on as many forms as there are inmates. And one of those forms is by self-esteem.<br /><br /> Self esteem is defined as a favorable opinion of one’s self, and if you are going to get through prison, or have a loved one currently IN prison, this is critical. But you notice that nowhere in prison is this actively pursued. Prisons don’t do much to help encourage an inmate, only help in establishing the stigma of prison and inmates. And by doing this, they offer little to no help for inmates to establish self esteem. Because of this, if an inmate is going to generate self esteem, he has to do it himself…and most times, by himself.<br /><br /> “What’s that got to do with your title!”<br /><br /> I’m getting to that.<br /><br /> If you read my first book of “Grades of Honor” one of the things I talked about was the frustration I had in prison, as a first time felon. But there was something I did that helped me tremendously to adjust…I bought a soda.<br /><br /> “You’re kidding”<br /><br /> No, I’m not kidding.<br /><br /> You’d have to read my first book (and I hope you ask me for it after you read this blog), and how I felt during my first few weeks in prison. I was about as low on myself as humanly possible, which of course, is the very opposite of self esteem. I felt miserable about myself, my life and even God. Now, I didn’t show it on the outside, because having been an actor, I know how to play things off, but deep down I was absolutely terrible.<br /><br /> But during my first few weeks in prison, mom send me some money and I went to the prison canteen. I still remember the drink I bought, although I might get the name wrong, but it was a Tahitian punch drink (trust me, I know it when I see it).<br /><br /> Having bought an ice cold soda, in the middle of my worst days of my life…when I drank that soda, I tell you, it was like a very refreshing breeze on a very hot day. Now, it didn’t change anything in prison. I was still an inmate, I was still a first time felon, but mentally, there was something very soothing about that moment.<br /><br /> In a corny way, it was almost as if something was telling me, “its gonna be alright”.<br /><br /> Now don’t laugh, because unless you have actually been in a situation like that, it is easy to underestimate the value of something so incredibly simple. But in that moment of time, I managed to build a little self esteem, giving myself some level of value in this world.<br /><br /> But I could not have done that without money, or the ability to buy a soda. And don’t miss that fact folks, because remember, its not like that was the only cold thing I could drink. There are water fountains in prison, and they serve cold drinks at the meals, but those were not by choice. If I am going to drink, I HAVE to drink that.<br /><br /> But in going to the canteen, I then had the power to make a choice. The prison may, in theory control WHAT I buy, but I still have the power to make a choice in what I want to spend my money on. And in that is a strong sense of self esteem.<br /><br /> And if you really think about it, there is something to it. Even some of you can identify with this a little. Sometimes when you feel bummed out, a good thing to do is to do what….go shopping.<br /><br /> (for those who can afford it).<br /><br /> There is something mental about having the power to make a choice, the power to buy something. It is no different in prison, and in fact might have a greater meaning than we can imagine. As I said, when I was in prison those first few weeks, it wasn’t like I didn’t have anything cold to drink…they had water, they had those “syrup drinks” that were cold, as well as milk, tea and sometimes orange juice. But there was no choice in what we could drink…either you take it or you don’t.<br /><br /> Your choice.<br /><br /> So there is a level of control in prison that covers every aspect of your life, 24 hours a day. And while there is indeed a need for that, what this might be doing to the inmate is slowly deteriorating his esteem to the point where all he thinks of himself is that he is worthless. Prison does a very terrible job on rehabilitating inmates when it comes to esteem, and the way this is done is by controlling the power of choice by the inmate.<br /><br /> But when an inmate gets a chance to make a choice, there is self esteem involved. It makes sense because he is making a decision that gives him a more favorable way of doing time. By this I mean the canteen. Even if for a short period of time, like the duration of drinking a soda or eating a snack cake, it can be a incredible boost of morale to that inmate.<br /><br /> Remember folks, they serve food in the cafeteria too, but to make a choice, to buy something out of the prison canteen, gives the inmate a boost of morale that he may not have had a few minutes before.<br /><br /> When inmates are allowed the power to make a choice, it can indeed give them a better view of themselves, if not for a few minutes or a few weeks. String that along for awhile and you can have an inmate who is doing his time as best he can, far better than maybe he thought he could…me being a prime case.<br /><br /> A very good example I can give you is a very basic item in prison…hygiene.<br /><br /> In NC prisons (when I was in, just in case they changed it lately), the basics for hygiene were a nail clipper, comb, brush, a razor, shampoo, conditioner, toothbrush, toothpaste, and deodorant, and I think lotion, and now I include soap here too, but there is a slight difference with soap.<br /><br /> All these items can be freely given to inmates, but these are the LOWEST brands of hygiene. You won’t see these items sold in stores, because they know NOBODY would dare buy crap like this. The only one I would give exception to is the single blade BIC razor, which of course you can buy in stores, but you know how much they cost…probably like 10 cents or less.<br /><br /> Inmates who enter prison get this “care package” from the prison, and these items are all low grade….very low grade. But if you don’t have any hygiene materials, then you have to use what you have. I remember just recently throwing away the deodorant that I brought home from prison, named “maximum security”. Its like the prison is making a joke at the inmate’s expense, and we have to grin and bear it.<br /><br /> So inmates have to deal with the generic brand of hygiene materials. For some it might be as long as they are incarcerated. Imagine using the same generic toothpaste, or deodorant, or shampoo for months, or years. Now, if it does not bother you, then fine, and I am also sure a lot of society is not going to shed a tear for “criminals”. But you’re missing my point if you ignore the strength of self esteem here.<br /><br /> To have the power to make a choice breaks an inmate from the day-to-day mentality of prison. The same hygiene materials day in and day out, which is no different from any other inmate can be very numbing. And the soap of DOC is nothing more than a blue block of stuff they get from somewhere, which not even Wal-Mart would put on their “roll back” days. The soap they issue to inmates dries the skin, and some guys even have a reaction to it. I have used it many times, and it is worth about as much as a sheet of paper after you have scribbled on it.<br /><br /> Now, think about your loved one using those products for weeks on end, or maybe months, and then think about what he is able to do when he receives just $20 from you.<br /><br /> The possibilities open up, and the inmate now has some choices he can make, choices that can make his incarceration much more endurable. Again, this seems small to you, but believe me, it has a great meaning to self esteem.<br /><br /> When I got money like that, the first thing I did was think of what I can buy from canteen to take care of my hygiene. To me, the most important hygiene material to me was lotion…I always liked to have nice soft hands. So I would buy some REAL lotion, not the watered down crap they gave us. <br /><br /> You see what is happening…I am now empowered to make a choice that helps me do my time better. I don’t have to use the cheap lotion, I can choose to by a name brand, like Jergens or Suave. And with that comes the newness of feeling better, with REAL lotion, with a nice scent. It won’t change where I am, because I am still in prison, but it gives me some comfort and a small morale boost.<br /><br /> I might buy some nice smelling shampoo, rather than the regular crap they give us, or I might buy some REAL deodorant, with a nice fresh scent. And I can buy some REAL toothpaste, like Colgate or something, rather than the less than generic mess I had been using.<br /><br /> When an inmate can make those kinda decisions, there is a strong influx of morale that can give an inmate a boost in self esteem. He is now in a more favorable position of doing his time. He can’t change his release date, but he can change the day he is currently living to a slightly better one.<br /><br /> Try it yourself and see what it does to you. Go to your bathroom and remove all your name brand hygiene, and go out and buy the cheapest brands they sell. Use that for a month and see how YOU feel. You learn to appreciate the value of name brands, and the morale it gives you. For inmates, there is an appreciation of the freedom to purchase, the power of choice, that you have every day. In prison this is severely restricted, and in such inmates must learn to appreciate what they used to be able to do.<br /><br /> So when they receive money, this is part of what they might feel, I know I did, although I may have been a bit more technical with the explanation, but that is due to having stepped away from it for awhile. <br /><br /> But with power of choice comes corruption of power…..<br /><br /> If an inmate cannot control his power of choice, it can become greed. This might be what a lot of people are experiencing when they email me about inmates asking for money. Now granted, a lot of these guys are out to take your money if you are willing to give it to them, but sometimes it can be based on the corruption of that power of choice.<br /><br /> If I got money from a person, and was able to buy name brand hygiene, and snacks and soda, I am now in a position to do my time in a more favorable way. I think we can all agree that an inmate with money to spend can do his time better than one with no money, but sometimes that same inmate will start to get to the idea that he SHOULD be able to do his time that way, rather than appreciate what a person has given him.<br /><br /> When that happens, that same self-esteem becomes twisted, in that the inmate starts to believe that he is entitled to receive from you, and then expects you to continue to support him. Maybe the greed of getting money, or the fear of running out, or both, might have him believing that you OWE him more money.<br /><br /> Inmates often forget that any money they get is a gift from someone, and it ought to be treated as a gift. But often times once they get that first bit of money, they want to be able to do their time as if they are getting paid to do it, with a weekly or monthly check sent to them. I’ll admit, that would be a GREAT way to do time, but I wasn’t so fortunate.<br /><br /> But this is still based on the power of choice, the inmate, even in manipulation, is exercising his power of choice, but in such a way, there is a false sense of self-esteem. Remember, self esteem is a favorable opinion of one’s self, and to be sure, an inmate that manipulates others to send him money is certainly looking at himself in a favorable way. But this isn’t a righteous way, because the inmate isn’t fairly looking at those who are helping him. In his eyes, those people are worth nothing except the value of money they send him. So if they send nothing, or not enough, he starts to feel that they are being unfair to him, as if they owe him something.<br /><br /> Be very mindful when this happens folks, because it DOES happen often. The moment an inmate expects you to send something, that can be a problem. Now, if you promised to send him something, and fail to do so, that is YOUR fault. He is riding on your word, and inmates will cling to a promise because there is very little to believe in when you are in prison. So don’t tell somebody that you’ll send them $20 and then two months later get upset if he is disappointed in you. You built him up to expect something, and he didn’t get it. But if he is bugging you about sending more money, and you don’t send it, then that is HIS fault, and be careful of him trying to manipulate you out of money.<br /><br /> Some of the better times in prison was when I had money, because on days that didn’t go so well, I could always lean on going to the canteen. I had the power to buy what I wanted if the dinner wasn’t so good, or if it was hot that day, or if I wanted some ice cream. When you can control any aspects of your incarceration, it gives you self esteem, or a favorable opinion of yourself.<br /><br /> I think in my second book I talked about when mom sent me $300, and how my time in prison skyrocketed. If ever there was a time I could say to myself, “I can do the time” that was it. It was like everything was going great for me, all things considering. Now I am not saying to anybody to send their loved ones that much money, you send what you can afford. But after that money ran out on me, and I didn’t receive any money for months…it was tough. I dare not ask mom for money, it just wasn’t right to do it, but I knew if I had just a little money each month, I could pick myself up. There were times where each day was just a pain, but I had to endure, broke or not. <br /><br /> For months I would be getting about $2 a week because of my janitor job, and I had to make it last. But I always treated myself to a soda, and I remember how refreshing it felt to drink it. In that refreshing there was a calm, although temporary, that I had to endure this incarceration. As long as I had the power to make a choice while in prison, I would be ok.<br /><br /> So consider that next time you send your loved ones money, but also be mindful of those that try to manipulate you to send money. I know I say that with a double-edged sword, since I ask readers to support my blogs if they can, or to buy my books and cards… now made a little harder since banks won’t do third party checks, but if you are really willing to support me, there are other ways around that to give me the support.<br /><br /> At any rate, my soda is gone, and it is almost 1:30, email me if you wanna, and ask about supporting my writing, or purchasing my “Grades of Honor” books and stuff. Until then…Nolaw97http://www.blogger.com/profile/02288903303317764466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3059552666555892068.post-81157193069764728332010-06-07T17:35:00.001-07:002010-06-07T17:35:52.255-07:00#226 Dealing with setbacksDealing with setbacks<br /><br /> So today didn’t turn out so good….<br /><br /> It’s just after 8pm as I blog my thoughts out, certainly the day didn’t go nearly as well as I thought it would have. Kinda a big swing on things I wanted to do, and it turned out I could not do very much at all.<br /><br /> If you read my previous blog, you know that I was about to send out some “Grades of Honor” books, and some other cards, because I had received a couple of gifts and orders for the books. The plan was to ask my mom to cash them so I can have the money to get the books bound at Staples, and get a large envelope to send them with. It would have also afforded me the opportunity to get some more ink, and maybe a few supplies…and maybe a McDonalds treat here or there…but who’s to say?<br /><br /> I was home getting everything ready to go when my mom called to tell me that they would not accept third party checks or money orders. My heart sank as she told me that, and was powerless to do anything about it. I was counting on that so I can do some things, but now with those checks and money orders void to the bank, and since I had no account in any bank, I was just holding paper. Mom tried to come up with some other ideas, but I felt that maybe it was best to just send the checks and money orders back until we found a better idea. If I could not send what I promised, it would not be fair to hold on to somebody’s money.<br /><br /> And I am sure there are places that might cash it, but at some higher percentage of the check or money order. It reminded me of when I did have a bank account, and got a money order from a reader in Canada. I found out that for my bank to cash a check that originates outside the US, it would cost me $75! But the check was only for $50. So I would have to PAY my bank to cash a check, and be $25 behind the curve.<br /><br /> As the game show says…”no deal”…<br /><br /> So I felt kinda down after deciding that it was best to send the money back. But I also had to push myself to do something else…I had to make good on my effort. I might not have been able to send the books, but I can send the money back, plus a few extra things to hopefully keep their trust.<br /><br /> I went back to my room, got some large flat envelopes and sorted a few of my prison cards, and some prison encouragement certificates, and a flyer or two. I put one of each in the envelopes, along with the check or money order to that person. They were going to supporters in New York, Alaska, two in Texas and one in Missouri. I really felt bad sending that back, but under the circumstances, I just didn’t have a choice.<br /><br /> I also emailed each one of them, letting them know what was going on, before mailed the packets out. I blogged afterwards that the only ways I can get this to work in my favor is for the supporter or person ordering to either send the check or money order in my mom’s name, or if you are sending cash, that would work as well. Every now and then I get a nice card with a few dollars in it, to support my blogs, so it does happen.<br /><br /> I got the remaining stamps I had left and put them on the envelopes, and took some change just in case I needed a few more pennies on it. I went to the post office and mailed them out as soon as I could. It was the best I could do, with the circumstances of my new setback.<br /><br /> I came home and played video games to get my mind off of it.<br /><br /> Even now, I am pretty disappointed, but it wasn’t like it was the end of the world. Anyone who sent me money will get it back, since I could not cash it anyway, and there are still venues for me to get something going on. Its weird how banks can take so many steps to protect their money, which seem to be becoming more and more an exclusive service ONLY if you are THEIR customer.<br /><br /> A few years ago I had a lot of $1s and I wanted to go to a bank and exchange it for couple of $20s. I went in the bank that day, and walked to the teller and asked her if I could do so….<br /><br /> She asked if I had an account there, and I am wondering why this was important. But because I did not have an account, they would not exchange the currency with me. <br /><br /> I just don’t get the stupidity of that. How is exchanging money going to hurt your bank? What is the risk of me giving you 20 or 40 one dollar bills for two 20 dollar bills? Nobody makes counterfeit ones! I was very angry at the implication of what she was saying, but powerless to make a point. I left the bank, promising to NEVER do business with them again.<br /><br /> Funny, a few days ago we drove by that bank, and it is no longer there, maybe it moved, or maybe it failed…locally owned banks tend to do that when they aren’t as friendly as they claim to be.<br /><br /> But apparently more and more banks are getting tight with their services unless you have an account with them. And right now I don’t have an account with anybody, at least not yet. So this might take longer to do than I hoped. I might have to take some time off from writing to kinda get my head straight on this. Kinda hard to make this a business venture and help others if I can’t lift my feet off the ground.<br /><br /> It has not stopped me from writing, just kinda forces me to consider other things. Me asking for support or people to buy my works just got a little harder, but not impossible. So perhaps that is what I need to do for awhile folks. I actually really wanted to respond to a comment I got a day or so ago, from a guy who was concerned about going to prison. He had written such a sincere comment that I emailed him and hopefully will hear from him so I can talk about what he can do. At the same time, there is another person who is in a similar situation, that I wanted to keep encouraged. <br /><br /> These are the times folks, when thing go south, that you have to keep believing that somehow, someway, things are gonna get better. But to do that, you have to have faith in a foundation that is strong. I have to believe that today was just a setback, nothing to fall apart on. Granted I feel crappy right now, but deep down, I know that things can change in my favor in an instant. So I suppose I feel down right now, but I continue to believe that I will be fine.<br /><br /> That’s faith, in the eye of the problem. When you can at least attempt that, you are on the right path, regardless of what your prison issue is.<br /><br /> So I’ll leave it at that folks, unless I get some influx of emails, comments, support and the like, it might be cool to just kinda fade out for awhile. Until then…Nolaw97http://www.blogger.com/profile/02288903303317764466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3059552666555892068.post-74935642253193080502010-06-07T10:15:00.001-07:002010-06-07T10:15:26.917-07:00#225 Obstacles in the roadObstacles in the road<br /><br /> Well…this really sucks…<br /><br /> Just found out some difficult news, something that really slaps me upside the head in what I have been trying to do. As you guys know, I have been working on my prison books, cards and the like, and looking for support to get myself off the ground and to start earning an revenue in my prison writing.<br /><br /> The way I had to do this is longer than the normal route because of what I blogged about a few months ago. I used to have an account with a local bank, back when I was working for a local Christian radio station. I had earned enough money to have an account there, but after I lost my job to the very guy I hired, I then didn’t have a job.<br /><br /> I kept the money in the bank account, which was under a business account, and tried to hold on to what was in there as long as I could. But because it was a business account, the bank was actually CHARGING me $11 a month (don’t ask why). So slowly my account was bleeding dry, and I only had about $600 or so in there. I tried not to touch it if at all possible, hoping things would turn around and I could get back to putting money in the account, but things just were not working.<br /><br /> Eventually my money dried up, and not only did my account dry up, I actually fell into the NEGATIVES, because the bank continued to charge me $11 per month. So now I actually owed the bank $11, and was in the red. I called and talked to the bank about it, and we managed to resolve the issue, with me just closing out the account, and them voiding my small penalty.<br /><br /> Although that was resolved, what it now meant was I no longer had a venue to do business. With no bank account, I could not cash checks or money orders for my books, or support gifts. But usually when I got some support or an order in, I could have my mom cash it for me. That is usually how it works.<br /><br /> Until today.<br /><br /> I had received a money order and a check, one for my books, the other for support, and I figured now was a good time to cash it, and send the books out. I was feeling pretty good about it, and sorted my works out. I printed my “Grades of Honor” books out, got some cards and encouragement certificates ready, and was planning it all out. I asked mom if she could cash the two, and I would then go to Staples, get the books bound, and send them off ASAP.<br /><br /> That’s when my mom called, telling me they would not cash the money order or check.<br /><br /> My heart sank.<br /><br /> WHY? Why won’t they cash it? We’ve never had a problem before, and mom has an account there, even if I don’t. So I called to ask for an explanation, and was told that they no longer honor third party checks or money orders. Simply put, if I wanted to cash those checks, then I need to have an account there.<br /><br /> So now I am holding money that I can’t touch, nor use.<br /><br /> Mom asked if there was some other way, but I was kinda down, and just asked her to bring them back, and that I would have to send them back to the people that sent it to me. I think she could tell I was really down about it.<br /><br /> The idea to get the books bound and sent were now out, because I needed that money to do it. I went from feeling upbeat and positive to crushed. If I had managed to keep that account open, I would have been able to cash the check and money order, but there just was no way I could have kept it any longer, considering I had no money going in, and losing money to the bank every month.<br /><br /> So now I am at a greater disadvantage than before.<br /><br /> So I unfortunately have to sent the money order and check back to those who sent it to me, because sadly, I can’t do anything with them. Until I can get an account at a bank, I fear now that banks are no longer honoring third party checks or money orders. <br /><br /> I really kinda feel down right now folks…..<br /><br /> There are a few ways to get around this, so I might as well share that with you. One, if you still want to support my blogs or my books, you can either send the check or money order in the name of my mom, (of which I will provide upon ordering), or you can send via cash.<br /><br /> I know that sounds very suspect, but I don’t know any other way to do this. The idea was to try to generate enough money to at least reopen an account, then it would be easier to work from there. I was hoping to save up about $150 to $200 before I reopen an account, then I can feel more confident in those sending me support or orders for my works. <br /><br /> So now I have to return the gift and order, and will probably sulk for awhile…man this sooo sucks…<br /><br /> I apologize for these delays folks, it was not my intention for things to go like this. I was hoping to get off the ground, earn some money to get an account back, then try to do more things for those with loved ones in prison. Hopefully this is a small delay, so I have to try to look ahead and see this getting resolved so I can get back to where I was.<br /><br /> As usual, if you want to support my blogs, or order some of my books, I now ask that you contact me via email so you can decide whether you want to send support or order by money order or check, addressed to my mom, or to send it to me via cash. Until I can get an account back in a bank, it seems I have to go the long way around the block. <br /><br /> I truly do appreciate your support, if you don’t mind, I think I’ll go sulk for awhile…..until then……..Nolaw97http://www.blogger.com/profile/02288903303317764466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3059552666555892068.post-90266930892619604042010-06-06T17:02:00.001-07:002010-06-06T17:02:43.955-07:00#224 Critical Prison Issues #3: Street clothes (retro)Critical Prison Issue Thinking #3: Street Clothes<br /><br /> We really need to make clarify some things about inmates wearing street clothes. Some people on these sites don’t have a clue what they are talking about, and it is getting really silly when somebody that had no idea what they are talking about is revered as some expert.<br /><br /> Again…blind leading the blind…<br /><br /> This discussion is about being critical of the issue of prisons allowing inmates to wear street clothes. This is based on an idea that actually resulted in me leaving Prison Talk Online when I saw that the people there are just as much in the dark about prison as anybody else.<br /><br /> Awhile back, when I was on the back end of my writing for this so called “support” site, some lady made a post on the NC forums about how her son was allowed to wear street clothes on his camp. I read it and something didn’t seem right. I have been through about 7 different prisons during my incarceration, and gotten to know a bunch of guys. But not once have I ever heard of a camp that allows inmates to wear regular clothes all day, every day.<br /><br /> So what we have here is a gray area of information, which makes it very easy to be misleading. This person is saying that her son wears street clothes…but is she saying that they wear them ALL time, or just for certain reasons?<br /><br /> She never clarified that, but substantiated it by saying that she has a picture of her son wearing street clothes while on the camp, so obviously it means that he has been wearing it all the time. Right?<br /><br /> Wrong.<br /><br /> When I read that post, I wanted to try to respond in a gentle way, not to come out and say, “you are wrong”. Understand, this lady has never been in prison, and oddly enough, her son never said they are allowed to wear street clothes all day. She said her son has work release, which answers the question right there. But she assumed that since her son has work release, the prison will let him wear street clothes all the time…not true.<br /><br /> I remember making a comment on that post months ago, trying to explain that it is likely that he wears the street clothes before going to his work release, and is allowed to keep them on for a period of time when he gets back, before he has to change back into prison clothes. She didn’t agree, since she said, “well, I have a picture of my son in street clothes, so they must be allowing them to wear it all the time”. She also made some stupid comment about “you know how the rules are always changing” and made a comment about me having been out for awhile.<br /><br /> So in her eyes, me being out of prison for a few years makes me less knowledgeable on prison than her. This rubbed me the wrong way and it was certainly one of the reasons why I left PTO. To many idiots that don’t know a damn thing about prison.<br /><br /> How can somebody with over 4000 posts be so stuck up? Maybe it’s because she spent more time copying and pasting one-liners than really discussing issues.<br /><br /> Anyway, today she got some more “changes”. From one of her latest posts, apparently some of the NC prisons are eliminating the privilege of minimum custody inmates wearing ANY street clothes. Apparently from now on, inmates on work release will have to wear prison clothes.<br /><br /> To me, there is two ways to see this…I want to laugh at her because it is ironic that she ran her mouth about something she knew nothing about, and now it has come back to affect her son, whom she said had to send all his street clothes back home. But another part of me wonders how accurate that info is…after all, she is not known to be that credible.<br /><br /> Notice I said nothing about sympathy for her…<br /><br /> So the critical issue here is this; what IS the general rule about street clothes in these prisons? See, if you are going to fully understand, or begin to understand this issue, you need to hear from guys that either work in prison, or have BEEN in prison. Not from somebody who has never set foot in there, because it is too easy for them to twist the truth, whether intentionally or unintentionally.<br /><br /> Now, I am going to challenge that lady’s stand on prisons allowing inmates to wear street clothes all day. I am not challenging the fact that some inmates are allowed to wear street clothes, I know that. Prisons do allow it, but to a point. That is what she totally ignored.<br /><br /> Let’s understand first why inmates are not allowed to wear street clothes. First… because they are in PRISON. When you enter the prison system, you lose the right to wear what YOU want, and the prison has to “identify” the inmates from the officers. Uniforms clearly identify who you are. In some prisons, the colors you wear identify further who you are. Lifers in some prisons wear a different color than regular inmates. Inmates on death row wear a different color than other inmates. Even jobs can be different. In NC prisons, inmates working in the kitchen wear “kitchen whites” to identify them as workers in the prison kitchen. I think even barbers wear kitchen whites as well as canteen operators.<br /><br /> But the whole idea of clothing is to make it uniform. Inmates in general wear the same thing. This also makes it easier when it comes to washing clothes. All these things, and likely a few others, make a strong point as to why inmates wear uniforms. But if you allowed them to wear street clothes, this creates some issues. How do you wash all those clothes, how do you separate them and how do you identify inmates if they are wearing street clothes on prison grounds?<br /><br /> Most of what I am going to share is based off what I wrote long ago, and on a few blogs, but it is worth repeating. It is interesting that today as I read this thread, there was a response from a person who appeared to be an officer or former officer for a prison, and he described from his view about the street clothes in prison.<br /><br /> He (or she) said that inmates on work release or community visits were allowed to wear prison clothes, but those clothes were kept in a locker in the administration building. When it was time for him to leave the prison, he was allowed to get his clothes and put them on, before leaving the prison. When he returns to the prison, he is allowed to keep them on for a period of time, but must eventually change back into prison clothes and return his street clothes to an officer to put back in his locker.<br /><br /> See, this is something that lady never talked about. She is assuming that her son is walking around the prison with regular street clothes, while everybody else is wearing prison clothes. She is assuming that he was wearing those street clothes up until lockdown…not quite true.<br /><br /> But she said she has a picture of it.<br /><br /> That doesn’t prove that he wears it all day, it only proves that he was wearing it at the same time they took prison pictures, which was very likely after he got back on the camp after his work. There is no valid reason why any prison would let an inmate wear his street clothes all day, every day. NONE.<br /><br /> I have known quite a number of guys that got work release, and many were able to wear street clothes to work. I have never known any guy to continue to wear his street clothes all day after he got back. Think about it, what if I worked at a job that required me to wear a shirt and tie? When I get back to the camp, I could actually be mistaken for someone important. <br /><br /> Hey, it’s happened before! When I was in county jail in my court clothes, other guys thought I was a lawyer. I just LOOKED like one.<br /><br /> Now what if I came back on the camp, and was still dressed in my shirt and tie and formal pants. To the untrained eye, I might look like some prison dignitary. Often times the warden is dressed formal, many times case managers are dressed formal, even the prison doctors might dress formal. So why would I look any different?<br /><br /> If allowed to remain in my “street clothes”, it would then give me an advantage to actually fool an officer or prison of who I might be. It supports the idea that “clothes make the man”. Prisons cannot lose sight of the fact that all inmates must be secured at all times. They can’t allow any slipups because of identity, because it could lead to an escape, which would make the prison look bad.<br /><br /> Generally speaking, this is kinda how it works:<br /><br /> When an inmate is qualified, and in the right level, he will be given the privilege of being able to leave the prison for either work release, community visits or home passes. He has to be approved first, before he can then have the option of having street clothes sent to him. Once that is done, and they are recorded by the prison and kept in a locker, the inmate then has only to secure a work release job, or a community visit pass or a home pass. Once these things are approved, he is then allowed to wear those clothes on that particular event.<br /><br /> As mentioned above by an officer, the clothes are kept separate from the inmate and he has to get permission to wear them. Most times the prison will allow him to put on these clothes about an hour before he leaves the camp, and he is allowed to keep his clothes on about an hour AFTER he returns to the camp. This is important because the misguided author of that post seems to think he can wear it whenever he wants… not true.<br /><br /> In fact, one hour might be generous. Some camps might require you to change immediately, unless it is near chow time. If an inmate returns to camp just before chow time, they will give him time to go eat, and maybe to go canteen before he has to change. There is a little lee-way on that. The purpose of that is that the prison understands that once the inmate gets back to camp, there may be things he needs to do sooner rather than later, that can’t wait. You can’t punish a guy on work release by making him change back into prison clothes and miss a chance to get needed supplies at canteen.<br /><br /> For that reason, camps will allow some time for that inmate to get readjusted to the prison before he has to surrender his street clothes. From what I was told by a guy, it was about 1 hour. But I will imagine that on other camps it could be less. But in either case, he HAS to change out before too long.<br /><br /> Most guys I knew on work release had to be back before dinner time, so they usually got back before 4pm. Community visits are different because a church might sponsor an inmate for an afternoon or evening program, and he might leave AFTER chowtime. Home passes can be much more extended, and varies.<br /><br /> But regardless of how long the inmate is outside of camp, he has to get back into the form of prison when he returns. That means getting back into the normal routine, which includes wearing prison clothes. That means he HAS to change out.<br /><br /> So, after saying that, I will say that there is a very, very slight chance she could be right. I never said I knew it all, so there is always a chance I could be wrong. It is possible that her son could be wearing street clothes all day.<br /><br /> But if you asked me to put my percentages on it, I would say I believe I am 99% right, and she is 1% right. Why? Because she has never been in prison, she never said which camp her son is in, and bases this only on the picture she has of her son wearing street clothes while in prison.<br /><br /> I base mine on actual experience, logic of how the work release system works, and knowing a number of guys that have been on community visits, work release and home passes. Not to brag, by I will take my credibility over hers any day.<br /><br /> But the sad thing is this… most people are going to believe her, and will end up spreading false info about “how her son gets to wear street clothes all the time on THEIR camp, why can’t my son do the same”. <br /><br /> I’d like to know more about why the NC prisons are sending street clothes home, or if that is even true. It could be just one camp, it could be because her son got that privilege taken away from him, it could be a lot of things. But since there is no real person to talk about prison there, all they will do is sit around the campfire and kick around ideas and beliefs.<br /><br /> But that’s what happens when you listen to people who know nothing about prison….Nolaw97http://www.blogger.com/profile/02288903303317764466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3059552666555892068.post-22859106511491880922010-06-06T16:59:00.000-07:002010-06-06T17:00:25.821-07:00#223 Current list of works (retro)Current List Of Works<br /><br />Books<br /><br />Grades of Honor: Craven Correctional (77pgs)<br />Grades of Honor: Pasquotank Correctional Pt.1 (97pgs)<br />Grades of Honor: Pasquotank Correctional Pt2 (107pgs)<br /><br />Prison Encouragement Certificates<br /><br />Angel Feather Award<br />Blessed Hope Award<br />Certificate of Love I<br />Certificate of Appreciation I<br />Certificate of Hope<br />Certificate of Grand Love<br />Certificate of Peace<br />Certificate of Holiday Joy (xmas)<br />Certificate of Unconditional Love<br />Certificate of Love II<br />Certificate of Joy<br />Certificate of Appreciation II<br />Certificate of Love III<br />Gold Encouragement Award<br />Certificate of Tranquility<br />Certificate of Remembrance<br />Certificate of Hope II<br />Certificate of Holiday Peace (xmas)<br />Certificate of Hope III<br />Eternal Hope Award<br />Hope of the Faithful Award<br />Certificate of Imani (Kwanzaa)<br />Certificate of Appreciation II<br />Merit of Encouragement<br />Merit of Peace<br />Certificate of Peace II<br />Certificate of Peace III<br />Certificate of Support<br />In Appreciation<br />Peace Be Unto You<br />Rose Encouragement Award<br />Stratosphere Award<br />Certificate of Christmas Hope<br />Christmas Joy Certificate<br />Christmas Spirit Award<br />(more being created)<br /><br />Cards<br /><br />No Two Snowflakes Are The Same<br />Bringing Life To You With Hope<br />Broken Wings<br />Virtues From The Wall<br />A Special Wish Of Encouragement (1-5)<br />Encourage For The Incarcerated<br />Encouragement I and II<br />In Difficult Times<br />Simplicity in Faith<br />Finding Peace<br />I Love You (from mom)<br />Hope Card<br />Incarcerated Or Not, You Are Loved (1-8)<br />Words of Encouragement<br />Kwanzaa (1-4)<br />Love Is Forever<br />The Path In The Wall<br />The Rainbow Unseen<br />Thinking About You And Missing You<br />Hang In There<br />We Think The World Of You<br />From One Who Knows<br />Celebrating You<br />Hang In There We Love You<br />Thought You Could Use A Card Today<br />Waiting For You To Come Home<br />Hey Sweetie<br />Just A Card To Help You Feel Better<br />Hang In There II<br />Thinking Of You<br />Sending You My Pleasant Thoughts<br />Thinking Of You, Missing You<br />For Someone I Love<br />Lessons From Nature (1-5)<br />A Candle For The Incarcerated<br />Missing You So Much<br />A Card Full Of Love<br />Sending The Best Wishes To You<br />Warm Wishes To You<br />It’s About Faith<br />Two Simple Words For Inmates<br />There Is Faith In This Card<br />Be Encouraged Today<br />Silent Night<br />The Game And How To Win<br />Words Of Wisdom<br />Christmas Cards (1-16)<br /><br /><br /> There are also many other prison issue works written, often included on purchases of my books. There are also several documents on key issues in prison, from canteen to the grievance procedure, as well as a blog book in the works. Email me at derf4000 (at) embarqmail (dot) com for any questions you may have about my works.Nolaw97http://www.blogger.com/profile/02288903303317764466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3059552666555892068.post-87542895421711970862010-06-06T16:57:00.000-07:002010-06-06T16:58:09.012-07:00#222 Y I Left FOI (retro)Y I Left Families of Inmates<br /><br /> I had gotten a few emails on this, and actually got a few new readers from the Daily Strength group “Families of Inmates”. I guess I need to discuss that with you guys so you can see where I stand.<br /><br /> As usual, email me at derf4000 (at) embarqmail (dot) com to ask how you can support my works and to ask me about issues to blog about.<br /><br /> I actually submitted a post to that site many months ago, under my original name, “masonik4”. I had forgotten all about it until a few months ago when I saw my post still there. I decided to join and see if I could share a few more posts.<br /><br /> This was going against myself because at that time I had already realized that prison support sites don’t really help others cope, they only share problems with others, with almost no venue for resolution. I learned this at Prison Talk Online and every other prison support site I have ever been on.<br /><br /> I joined the “Families of Inmates” and quickly started sharing posts with two goals in mind. ONE, to help people. TWO, to hopefully earn the respect of some members so that maybe they will consider me for my projects.<br /><br /> This is where a lot of idiots miss it…like moderators and the such.<br /><br /> My goal was not to “hawk a book”, it would have been the offspring of my main goal, which was to HELP PEOPLE. If I can get you to believe in what I say, and to find hope and faith, then you will naturally believe in me and thus would be more inclined to consider my “Grades of Honor” books or cards or such.<br /><br /> But people at sites like Daily Strength, Prison Talk, Lost Vault, Write A Prisoner and others foolishly think that an ex con is OBVIOUSLY there to sell his junk, or to con people out of money.<br /><br /> Idiots.<br /><br /> But despite me running into that problem every single time, I decided to try Daily Strength. So I posted numerous posts taken from my blogs, and nearly every one of them were well received by the members. I got lots of emails of people wanting to add me to their friends list, I had emails and many comments about my posts.<br /><br /> But during that time someone made some unfair comments on one of my posts. I take it very personal when someone tries to tell me that I don’t know what I am talking about, and I also know how that goes. I respond, they respond with more anger, and it gets out of hand, and the whole post gets removed and I get either banned or warned.<br /><br /> So I left.<br /><br /> But I kept getting comments on my posts, emails from members and friends requests by members. One person touched my heart in telling me how much my posts meant to her, and I could not leave her without at least trying again. So I went back.<br /><br /> At the time, I was sharing my first couple of parts of “Prison 101: Communication”. When I share a post on Daily Strength’s “Families of Inmates”, this is how I do it:<br /><br /> I copy straight from my blog, then edit it before I send it on the Daily Strength site. I try to edit out anything about my promotions or emailing me. But on part two of the “Prison 101” blog, I forgot to do that.<br /><br /> I posted it wondering if I should go back and take that part out, but didn’t see how to edit a post after you post it. So I left it. I got a few good comments from it and one or two friend requests, so I went back to check it out. When I did, I saw that my post was removed. I was so pissed that I immediately decided to get the hell out of there.<br /><br /> Now, why am I upset?<br /><br /> Because it is sad to see a so called “prison support” site that claims to really care about people, but in actuality treats people like common criminals. Yeah, I know there are rules, but let’s understand something about these prison support sites:<br /><br /> The BOTTOM LINE in these sites is to encourage help. I say once and I say a thousand times, a prison site filled with people who have never been in prison is as lost as a blind man in a fog with landmines. Sure, some people might be able to say a word or two, or talk about what their “man” did in prison, but if there is no foundation of TRUE EXPERIENCE, then the site has no basis to begin with.<br /><br /> I don’t care if there are 1000 wives, mothers or girlfriends on a site, if there aren’t people there that can speak from experience, or enough people to speak from experience, then the site is nothing more than a cackling hen’s party of misery.<br /><br /> My beef with Daily Strength is that whoever is the lord of the site never bothered to weigh options; they decided that after about 20 posts, my last words weren’t good enough and deleted me without the benefit of the doubt.<br /><br /> Lots of you don’t understand that, so let me explain. If I had just joined the site, and the VERY first post I shared was about my “Grades of Honor” books, then any member there can easily see that I didn’t come there to help. My post would appear selfish and self serving. Under those conditions, the moderator would have been much more justified to just delete the post or even warn the member.<br /><br /> This is based on the character of the writer. He didn’t contribute anything, he has no value to the site, so his words are treated as ill. I get that. But as I said before, I contributed at LEAST 12-20 posts, NONE of them being of any problem to the moderator, and most brought a lot of supportive comments. Many of those members made it clear to me of my contributions, which obviously was not common. In my contributions, I established a level of some respect that I didn’t come there to sell you a book, I came there to help you if I can.<br /><br /> This is something the people at Prison Talk, Lost Vault and Write A Prisoner will never understand, and until they do, those moderators will continue to treat ex felons like common criminals, while crying in the moonlight about why their loved one is having such a hard time. Be careful how you treat folks, sometimes it comes full circle.<br /><br /> My disappointment with Daily Strength is that whoever is the “lord” of that site never considered my past works, but rather found fault and swift punishment. You guys understand how similar this is to what ex felons go through? The person who deleted my post never thought about what I contributed and decided to at least give me the benefit of the doubt. If I share that many posts to help you, and my last one mentions my books, I would not be that upset if you deleted and then sent me a private message about it….<br /><br /> And NO I am not talking about one of those automated messages informing me that my post was deleted because of some rules. I mean TALK to me like a person…not like a criminal.<br /><br /> If what I shared had value, then the writer of it (me) has some value, and thus ought to be given a chance to be told in person why it was deleted. I am not saying to kiss my butt, I am saying treat me like a person. See many of you won’t understand that because to you, it just looks too simple. The post was deleted, get over it, right?<br /><br /> Yeah, say that when your son can’t get a job because the employer did a background check…deal with THAT.<br /><br /> Say that when your husband can’t get his life back because of his criminal record…deal with THAT.<br /> <br /> Say that when your boyfriend tries to start an honest business, but can’t sell anything because nobody wants to support an “ex con”….deal with THAT.<br /><br /> It seems so simple to overlook the prejudice involved because it isn’t you. But when it happens to your son, your husband, your boyfriend, then it becomes a national crisis. But we are all a part of the problem, and also part of the solution.<br /><br /> This reminds me of when I made a post months ago about how a Christian radio station cheated me in wages, and how I had to get the Department of Labor on them. One idiot wrote to me challenging the idea that I was making it seem like I was never at fault.<br /><br /> Note to that idiot…you WORK, you get paid MINIMUM WAGE. That Christian radio station did not pay me minimum wage, and lied to the government that I was a volunteer…until I proved them wrong with the check stubs…I might be wrong in hell of a lot of things… but not that one.<br /><br /> But it proves that ex felons can “afford” to be treated bad because after all, that’s just the way it is…just deal with it.<br /><br /> When a couple of idiots on the NC forum of Prison Talk spat all over my posts and I tried to argue my point, the moderator of the site warned me of banishment by saying, “if someone says something that you don’t agree with on your posts, deal with it”.<br /><br /> Stupid idiot.<br /><br /> All these things are small bits of proof that some of the very people that claim to be involved in prison support really have no clue of what that means. People like that are going to make it very hard for an ex felon to prove himself, because even if he does right 99 times in a row, and messes up the 100th time, THAT is going to be the one they remember.<br /><br /> I have over 1200 posts on Prison Talk under “masonik4” and “Nolaw97”, and thousands of people have read and emailed me from it…but in the end I got banned because some stupid moderator didn’t like what someone said in support of me and they have apparently been reading my blogs… (and many STILL do).<br /><br /> Daily Strength is no different…and no better.<br /><br /> And the true shame is that for every idiot on these sites, there are a hundred people that my heart goes out to. There are lots of people who really appreciated what I shared, and I would have shared 100 more posts just to help them out. What problem would it be for me to copy and paste any of my 160+ blogs and share it on the site? I’ve got over 600 pages I can share! <br /><br /> But there is always someone who feels that they have to be the warden, the one in charge that takes no crap. And let’s be honest, I am not saying I was right in this situation. I told you that I forgot to edit that part out. But when you are dealing with support, then the strongest force of that must be compassion to humanity. That’s not what Daily Strength showed, and it shows me that they are not really that interested in helping.<br /><br /> But here’s the irony. Somebody will make a post about some prison book they bought at some book store about prison, and everybody there will swear by it like it was brought down by Moses himself. But that same author would have never made a post in his or her life, and would not take your email if you had a question to ask. But I get up there and after only one mention of my books, I am a con man.<br /><br /> Prison Talk treated me the same way.<br /><br /> It’s the great hypocrisy I live by, some of the greatest ironies of prison writing. While in prison, I was actually kicked out of prisons (transferred to another prison) in retaliation for writing about prison issues. When I got out, I was cheated in wages by one Christian station, and had my job stolen from me from a second Christian station after helped rebuild it when their General Manager died.<br /><br /> I have been banned from numerous prison support sites for even mentioning my books, but in the same forum there are members swearing by other prison books written by people who either never been in prison, or never made a post in their lives.<br /><br /> Folks, I don’t get it.<br /><br /> It is strange how to HELP folks, I got to go through all this hell. I know there is something spiritual in it, but I just felt like I had to share this with you. It was really bearing on me, even though there is a preseason football game on, (Bears vs. 49ers). I’ll catch the second half and enjoy it from there on. <br /><br /> I just had to get that off my chest because it ticks me off how you can try to do your best and get spit in the face by the very people you are trying to help. Lots of you have loved ones that is going to go through similar situations, so I share these feelings now so you will understand later.<br /><br /> Oh well, I am tired. Not so much mentally, but just a little bit. Nothing a cold pizza can’t cure, with some soda. Anyway, I hope you understood the underlying theme of what I shared. This isn’t about just a mistake, this is about how people deal with other people. When you deal impersonally with people, you lose that sense of human compassion. And if you run a prison support site, then you have undermined your own beliefs.<br /><br /> As for me, screw all those other support sites, I was never wanted there anyway.Nolaw97http://www.blogger.com/profile/02288903303317764466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3059552666555892068.post-29999681407743076972010-06-06T16:55:00.001-07:002010-06-06T16:55:55.683-07:00#221 The day after prison...2 years later (retro)The Day After Prison: 2 years later<br /><br /> I want to share with you something that I wrote 2 years ago for a program called “Open Source”, a radio program that debates critical issues.<br /><br /> Before I do, I again want to remind you about emailing me about any issues you may have, and to ask me about my books. I am also quite open to support from you if you find my blogs to be of some help. I am most grateful to a person who sent me a gift today, which will certainly help me buy some ink and paper to produce my books…<br /><br /> As well as a delicious meal at Burger King…which is important too.<br /><br /> I don’t take it lightly that I am very grateful for any gifts a person sends, because it reinforces in me to want to do more, and to do it better. If a person believes that much in me, I have to do my best to not let them down.<br /><br /> So I try to work more on writing, and giving you perspectives from one who has been in prison. I am also about half way done with my first blog book, and it features blogs I wrote back in 2005 and early 2006. I hope you ask me about that.<br /><br /> Now, about two years ago, I was writing for a bunch of different sites and had recently been blogging on my original prison blog, called “Grades of Honor”, after my books. I was sent an email by someone asking if I could participate in a radio program called “Open Source”, to which I was pretty intrigued. I told them I would be interested, and actually blogged a bit about that, but as it turned out, they ended up not needing me. Kinda depressing, but I can’t complain.<br /><br /> The article of discussion was on the idea of what to do for inmates after they get out of prison. The actual title was “The Day After Prison”, and the program had several different guests to talk about how society can help inmates who are recently released from prison.<br /><br /> One comment they said was around the old idea that when you finish doing your time, they give you a bus ride and drop you off with $20. Well, the reality is pretty close to that. When I got out, I was given a check for $45. I was fortunate enough to be able to have a home to go to, but for many other guys who don’t, you are literally begging them to fail again.<br /><br /> So the discussion was on this issue, and the debate featured a director from a college of criminal justice, a commissioner of NY DOC, a detective in a police department and a former inmate who spent less than a year in minimum custody.<br /><br /> I guess that was who replaced me.<br /><br /> Anyway, there was a discussion on this, and I added my comment, which is the following:<br /><br />April 28th, 2006 at 2:38 pm <br /><br />I think the problem with society is that we are too quick to place people in groups without knowing all the details. I mean, if you say you don’t want killers or rapists or whatever, how much do you REALLY know about their situation, or do you simply assume that every person in prison was correctly judged and condemned?<br /><br />Let’s be fair about a few things, yes there are some people in prison who need to be there, but there are also some that are there on circumstances. For example, if a female falsely accused a person of rape, and got that guy sent to prison, by some people’s own words, they are forever condemned, even if you don’t really know what happened. This can go for any situation, and creates a very unfair judgement of people by those who are not willing to consider that MAYBE some of the circumstances wasn’t as clear cut as a CSI episode.<br /><br />This isn’t fair to the inmate who did his time and is trying to change, because by some comments here, society could really care less. I kinda agree with the other ex felon, because I am one myself, that some of the people doing the most talking are the ones that are only doing that to assure themselves that at least they talked about it. But put the real issues to them and they won’t touch it.<br /><br />But I have always believed that every person deserves a chance, regardless of what others think. If a guy coming out of prison really wants to change, and does his best, society (especially a Christian society) ought not judge them and see if they can help. I write alot about that in my prison blogs, and to me, the biggest point in almost everything I try to share is that there HAS to be hope…<br /><br />who are you to take that away from them? <br /><br /> My comment was made after on person commented on how he felt society can help ex offenders. But I wasn’t in full agreement to what he said. In his comment, he said that he felt that killers, rapists and child molesters should never come out of prison, but right after that he talks about how society should try to help ex offenders get their lives back together.<br /><br /> He kept talking about “making it possible” to do this or that, but in my opinion, he is already part of the problem because he has already segregated 3 groups of inmates. You can’t pick and choose who you want to help, if the top priority is TO help.<br /><br /> My comments made on that debate addressed the essence that until you know all the circumstances of every single person, you cannot group them without prejudice. For example, let’s just take rapist.<br /><br /> Now understand here, I am NOT endorsing in ANY level this sort of behavior, so don’t go twisting my words. My blogs have always been about prison issues, but my heart is never far from victims of crime. I hope you understand that before I go on.<br /><br /> Having said that, I think anyone who is convicted of rape SHOULD do time…but AFTER HE HAS DONE THE TIME…<br /><br /> Let him try to get his life back.<br /><br /> And lots of people don’t like that, they want these people to stay in prison forever…but if a court of law convicts a man and gives him his time, then JUSTICE WAS SERVED.<br /><br /> Again, don’t twist this to make it sound like the victim wasn’t important, I understand how very traumatic this can be to a victim and their family, and as I said before, my heart goes out to each and every one of them.<br /><br /> But if the LAW says he has to do 10 years, and he does it, why then are you going to impose more damnation? When does the justice system end, if you continue to condemn after a court of law?<br /><br /> By doing this, you are refusing to allow a person to change his life. What if that person was very, very sorry for what happened, and swore to himself and to God that he would do what he could to make up for what he did?<br /><br /> Doesn’t matter, since society has already decided that he is worthless.<br /><br /> So when does mercy come in? When is a man who has served his debt allowed to pick up his life, if he has done his time?<br /><br /> See, lots of people don’t understand that part because they are too busy bashing the fallen with a cross, acting like the faults of a man is an eternal sin. Rape is wrong, no two ways about it, but any crime is wrong, and should be treaded the same way, by letting the judicial system run it’s course.<br /><br /> There’s another side too, every case is different, and some cases are not as demonstrative as the crime says. Some of these cases are very iffy, and the results can depend on who has more money, the race of the person and whether they have a court appointed lawyer or not.<br /><br /> In short, not everybody in prison is 100% guilty…sometimes the courts are wrong. Justice may be blind…but not the people who hold it in their hands.<br /><br /> I say all this because what it proves is that anyone who isolates a group of criminals is purely ignorant. You cannot say that every case is clear cut, because you don’t know the details of every case in the country…all you know is that they were found guilty. I will not argue that there are some guys that NEED to be in prison, and I also know there are some that, when released, will go right back to prison. But nobody living on this planet can tell me that every single person in prison deserves to be there. To do that, you’d have to know every single case and the details…<br /><br /> You’d have to be God.<br /><br /> And you’re NOT.<br /><br /> So my comment was based on the idea that this guy made a comment out of ignorance, choosing to believe in an absolute, when that is not possible. There are some guys that fit in those categories that DESERVE to be in prison, no doubt about it, but since I don’t know the exact details of every case, I cannot point the finger and say, “ALL” rapists, or ALL of anything should do this or that.<br /><br /> I just don’t have that power to condemn that much humanity…knowing I myself am not perfect. My house is made of cheap glass, and there are lots of rocks along the road near my home…<br /><br /> (get it?)<br /><br /> And the comment I made, with the ones before it, almost expose a greater issue than helping inmates, it’s the identification of the ex offenders. Until a person looks at an ex offender and says, “you have a second chance, what will you do with it” with sincerity and honesty, then for the most part, guys coming out of that hell will just enter into a secondary hell.<br /><br /> You can’t help these people until you first free your heart of their past. If you can’t do that, you’ll never be in a position to help an ex felon, because you’ll still be condemning them.<br /><br /> If a person told you they did time, it ought not matter what they were there for, should it? If so, then you are more likely to give place to a guy that did 30 days for trespassing than a guy who did 20 years for child molestation. <br /><br /> You’re pre-judging because you ASSUME the person with the lesser sin is better than the person with the greater sin. So the person with the greater charge loses a chance to better himself.<br /><br /> What if the person that did 20 years is absolutely devoted to changing his life and doing whatever he can to make amends? What if the person who did 30 days just doesn’t give a damn about anything? <br /><br /> In the most general of scopes, if both of these guys did their time and return to society, they OUGHT to be looked at as citizens, and welcomed back to society IF they are willing to respect the law and be a positive influence in society. But that’s not how it works, and we all know that.<br /><br /> We have put the crimes in grades of evil, and award the lesser evil the most privileges, while continuing to punish those with the greater evils. What this means is that we have NOT forgiven.<br /><br /> And if not, then you can’t possibly help them…because you still don’t give a damn.<br /><br /> I have lived this since I got out in 2001, and may continue to live it until I die…<br /><br /> (Lord I hope not…)<br /><br /> I sometimes wish I could hit the lotto for $500,000,000 so I can uproot and move out of this country and live on an island and enjoy life…<br /><br /> But if I did that, I would not be blogging now. And it has been pure hell trying to talk about prison issues on sites where many readers like to pick your brain for stuff, but won’t give you the time of day. I learned this the hard way from Prison Talk, and many other sites.<br /><br /> But I have also seen people that I have really touched because I took the time to help them. There are emails I get from people that let me know that my problems in prison and after gives me a unique place to share and help others. I know I am doing some good, even if a speck at a time.<br /><br /> And when someone sends me a gift to help me support my writings, I see that there are indeed people out there that care, and understand that nobody is perfect. I understand that there IS hope for guys who do time and get out, needing a second chance. There ARE people who don’t try to be selective of one sin or another; you look at the character of the person.<br /><br /> I didn’t see that when I got out of prison in 2001. But now in 2008, and after thousands of pages of writing, and thousands of emails over the last several years, and all the posts, blogs and other writings I have done, there are people that want to help.<br /><br /> So there is hope for the inmate who comes out of prison…if they are willing to earn it. The day after prison is more than a transition from one place to another, it is a transition of LIFE, and if the inmate can make that change, I think he will be fine…<br /><br /> But it also takes society to discard their prejudices about ex felons and give these people a second chance…heck, God would.<br /><br /> But ironically, humans don’t…go figure.<br /><br /> Anyway, gotta run, email me about my books or how you can support my writings at derf4000 (at) embarqmail (dot) comNolaw97http://www.blogger.com/profile/02288903303317764466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3059552666555892068.post-85390975196236920812010-06-06T16:52:00.000-07:002010-06-06T16:53:33.344-07:00#220 When inmates must defend the honor (retro)When Inmates Must Defend The Honor<br /><br /> Today is a nice cool Sunday morning as I start this blog; as many of you know I didn’t blog yesterday because it’s been kinda quiet on the email side. I did get some emails from some of you wishing me well in my war against allergies…<br /><br /> Today I feel almost perfect. Thanks for your well wishes.<br /><br /> I say “almost” because I learn that unfortunately there is no soda in the refrigerator…so looks like I have to drink water…not that I’m complaining (much).<br /><br /> But I feel pretty good today, yet with no emails asking about prison issues I wanted to write something today. It would have been easy to just go back and copy and paste a blog I did months ago, but I didn’t want to do that. So I went to my room and pulled out a folder of journals, letters and such that I wrote while in prison. I figured I can use something to share a blog with some of you today, and I found one. It actually is something I touched on a few blogs back.<br /><br /> I mentioned several blogs back about how we tried to petition the prison as inmates about how the road squads were fed? Well, I actually have the letters I wrote with me, and I wanted to try to cover this situation for you.<br /><br /> The reason for this is to share with you that sometimes inmates MUST work with one another to defend their honor…or dignity if you will. Now, I know that as some of you read this, you might feel that this may be foolish. I mean, inmates deserve whatever happens to them, right? They ought to just do their time, shut up and learn their lesson.<br /><br /> But that is not the definition or “correction” or “rehabilitation” is it? And isn’t that why they were sent there in the first place?<br /><br /> There is indeed a lot of discipline involved and very restrictive lifestyles in prison, I ought to know, but that does not mean a person gives up on his right to believe, think and reason. Often times the path to rehabilitation begins when an inmate respects himself and the humanity around him. Isn’t that what society wants?<br /><br /> But you won’t get that if every inmate is treated like a dog, only to be released after being institutionalized yet expected to have a halo around his or her head. Society is only fooling themselves, but will be quick to point the finger at the person the moment he or she fails again.<br /><br /> Well, in prison I learned that if you did everything they told you to do, you would be a complete failure to yourself. Prisons don’t condition you to respect humanity, they condition you to embrace failure and submit to a life of damnation. It’s easier for them to control inmates when they can put this burden or yoke over them, rather than inmates who are trying to change.<br /><br /> And for an inmate to change it often means starting while IN prison, not after they get out. Odd, because prisons don’t encourage that. This situation of the road squads is a perfect example.<br /> <br /> I have not gotten to this part in my books of “Grades of Honor”, because at this pace, this actual situation might be in book 5 or 6, which of course I have not written yet. This takes place at Pasquotank Correctional Institution, in Elizabeth City, North Carolina. The camp is actually 2 camps, one is, as I understand now, close custody (used to be close/medium) and the other is a minimum custody camp. The latter is where this situation takes place.<br /><br /> While I was there, I worked as a dorm janitor, which I HATED, but the job had to get done, so there was no need trying to complain. The camp wasn’t big, maybe about 120-150 inmates there, and a good number of them worked on the road squads.<br /><br /> For the novice reader, “road squad” is the jobs where prison inmates get to leave the camp and usually work on the sides of roads picking up trash. They can do other things, but most people have seen inmates on the sides of streets or highways picking up OUR trash.<br /><br /> Most guys actually like the job, because it keeps them busy and gets them off the prison grounds for a few hours a day. I’m not kidding, most guys I knew looked forward to leaving the prison, and sometimes the weekends or holidays were a drag for them, especially if they didn’t have a visit.<br /><br /> Anyway, I had gotten to know a lot of the guys, since it was a small camp and I stood out like a sore thumb. Guys knew that I liked to write and that I “looked like I went to college”. Some guys called me “professor”, although I clearly wasn’t older than most of them.<br /><br /> But when you do your time, while also respecting the other inmates, there becomes a sense of trust or at least understanding. Society believes that every inmate wants to fight every other inmate, not true. Many prisons are full of guys that just want to make their time as easy as possible so they can go home. I spent quite a bit of time on the Pasquotank camp, and after awhile was quite comfortable. <br /><br /> Add on to this that Pasquotank was notorious for denying transfers. It was almost IMPOSSIBLE for an inmate to get a transfer, because let’s face it, Elizabeth City is on the edges of North Carolina, right on the Atlantic Ocean. That means a much, much further distance for visitation travel for anyone who lives further inland. It made it difficult for a lot of guys, and made the camp less desirable.<br /><br /> But because it was hard to leave, we all stayed together longer, meaning you got to know almost everybody pretty well. And maybe that’s where the connections began to get stronger. You get to know someone and what they can do, what they believe and what they stand for.<br /><br /> On the camp, they have what is called a “Town Hall Meeting” once or twice a year. This is a meeting held by the administration of the camp to help address issues that the inmates have. Think of it as a public grievance meeting.<br /><br /> I was told how bogus these meetings can be, and I wanted to go. From what I understood, only one person per dorm (4 dorms) could be designated to actually speak for the inmates. I actually had several guys ask me to represent the dorm, since they knew of how I liked to write about prison issues. My dorm already had a guy, and I was not about to challenge that. So I went as a participant and took notes.<br /><br /> One of the biggest complaint was that of the meals served by the prison to the road squad. Generally speaking, because they work off the camp during the day, it would be an inconvenience to bring them back to the prison to serve them lunch, so they have bagged lunches. These lunches consists of bologna, cheese, an apple and water….<br /><br /> OK, LET’S PAUSE HERE FOR A MINUTE.<br /><br /> I have to stop here for a second because I know what some of you are thinking. You all have heard the myths of inmates only getting (or deserving) bread and water, so some of you might be wondering why I am making a fuss over this lunch that these guys are getting. To many of you it isn’t important.<br /><br /> That’s where you are wrong.<br /><br /> The next time you go out working in the sun doing a lot of physical work, take a lunch break and have a sandwich, apple and water and see how much energy YOU get back before going to work. Society has the options of taking an extra break, grabbing a candy bar or one of those energy drinks. Some of you go down to McDonalds, or maybe Applebee’s or some other place to eat.<br /><br /> The human body needs food to replenish the energy, otherwise the body is not in the best shape to continue the work.<br /><br /> Prison is not about destroying an person’s body (or at least it should not be). Those guys on road squad are out there cleaning the city for hours every day, and in order for them to do their best, they need to replenish their strength when they take their lunch break.<br /><br /> So what purpose do you serve by giving them a skimpy meal?<br /><br /> “Well it’s not like they’re being fed less than inmates on the camp!”<br /><br /> That’s where you’re wrong again.<br /><br /> And this was a strong argument by the road squad. While they are out there working in the sun, eating bologna sandwiches, the inmate population back on the camp was having pizza, or hamburgers or some heavy meal. The fact was that an inmate ON camp ate a better lunch than road squads OFF camp. That wasn’t fair to those guys.<br /><br /> A third point was that the road squad argued that they were supposed to get a rotation of meals. Maybe today was bologna, tomorrow peanut butter and jelly, maybe the third day pimento cheese sandwiches (which I hated).<br /><br /> But being served bologna sandwiches every single day wears on a person. No variety in the meals can break a guy’s spirit. I heard many guys argue about this, and because a large part of the camp was road squad, you heard it more than once.<br /><br /> So this was all brought up at the Town Hall Meeting, and they were promised that this would be resolved…and it never was.<br /><br /> Guys were getting more and more upset because it just seemed that they were not being treated with any respect. After all, minimum custody is called, “Honor Grade”, and to be moved to minimum custody is called a “promotion”. If these are positive changes, then the position of being in minimum custody ought to be one desired. Guys in the camp were becoming more disappointed each day, going out to work and being fed a bologna sandwich and apple, while we on the camp had a much better meal, AND the options of going to the canteen.<br /><br /> To me, it seemed like a problem they have to deal with, after all, I was a dorm janitor. I actually hated the job because I did more work and was paid less than when I was in medium custody. At 40 cents a day, and being broke, it was very hard getting week to week with no money. And working 6 days a week, that $2.40 was all I could look forward to for months on end, until mom sent me something.<br /><br /> I was still adjusting to prison life, even though I was finding my spots, but to be sure, I had my own problems. It would have been easier to just let it be and let them handle their own problems.<br /><br /> But I could not do that because those guys were part of the environment I was now in. They had a problem and if I turned my back and ignored it completely, then what kind of person would I be? I have been in situations where I welcomed help, and sometimes you don’t need a bolt of lightning to encourage you to help someone. You have to let your heart lead you.<br /><br /> Besides, I had made a few friends who were on road squad, and when they told me of their situation, I had to help. Or at least try. <br /><br /> See, this isn’t about changing the world, it’s just about helping. But in a strange way, it changes YOUR world. My world at the time was Pasquotank Correctional, minimum custody. Everything on that camp was part of my world. If things went well, we can all do our time better, but if there is stress on the camp, then everyone on the camp feels it, whether it is road squad or inmate population, because we are all connected to that camp. If 60+ guys on that camp are stressed because they are tired of being fed the same sandwich every day, that stress affects the entire camp, which also affects how I do my time.<br /><br /> So indirectly, we are all connected. So their problems were also mine. And if so, then I felt the need to try to help. That’s where the petitions came in.<br /><br /> One of the inmates had suggested that if we write a petition, they would HAVE to listen. But nobody was willing to do it. So I did. I identified 3 targets to send these petitions to: the warden of the prison, the Unit manager and one of the case managers. I asked the guys that if I wrote a petition and signed it, would they sign it as well. Many said they would so I got started.<br /><br /> This is the letter I wrote, addressed to the warden, Mr. Sutton:<br /><br /> “We the inmates of Unit 5 write to you in grievance of this camp’s poor attempt to provide the road squads with decent lunches. As minimum custody inmates we are supposed to enjoy privileges that medium and close custody would not have, but instead has not been so. To make matters worse, the road crews have been poorly attended to regarding lunch.<br /><br /> Every day the road squad receives bologna, cheese, an apple and water. According to Ms. Smith, the Food Service Supervisor, we are supposed to receive a rotation of lunches. Unfortunately this is not so, yet inmates on the camp eat pizza, tacos, cheeseburgers and so on. We don’t need to tell you that this is grossly unfair, but typical of how we are treated in a camp that is supposed to be “Honor Grade”.<br /><br /> We are out of options on how to change this situation, so we have started writing grievances. If this does not work, we will start writing to DOC, Legal Services and as many sources as it takes to find answers to our problems. We truly hope you can rectify this situation soon, as we are quite tired of the runaround”<br /><br /> That was what I wrote, and when guys saw it, I could tell that there was some sense of hope in it. Not that I had solved anything, but these guys now had something credible to debate with. Up until now it was just talk and I am sure one or two guys wrote a grievance before, but if so the camp might retaliate by taking them off road squad. But what are they gonna do to me? I wasn’t on road squad to begin with.<br /><br /> I had 7 guys sign the petition at that time, which was written on August 26th. I dated the top when I wrote it, so it is correct. I then wrote a second petition to Ms. Smith, the Food Services Supervisor, which goes as follows:<br /><br /> “On August 6th, at the Town Hall Meeting, you were addressed the issue about how CWC, DOT, ECSU and other road crews were being fed the same food every day. These packouts consisted of bologna, cheese, an apple and water. We believe this treatment to be highly unfair, especially when inmates on camp can eat pizza, tacos, cheeseburger and so on. You told us at that meeting that the road crews should be getting a rotation on the lunches, and that you would check on it. That was 3 weeks ago.<br /><br /> We are tired of eating the same food every day, and have tried to be patient while Unit 5 attempts to rectify this situation, but to this point it has been “all talk”. We are supposed to be “Honor Grade”; isn’t it time we were respected as such?<br /><br /> We await some action on this matter. If nothing changes, we will write as many letters to DOC, Legal Services and every source available to see that we are treated in a fairer way than we have been.<br /><br /> Now, to clarify a couple of things. <br /><br /> I mentioned “Legal Services”; that is, in my experiences, a complete joke. I can write a blog on how I think the state of NC is paying millions to these people to reject inmates claims and help, when law libraries would have been cheaper. But I’m gonna let you guys continue to think that the NC Legal Services actually is better….learn the hard way…<br /><br /> Second, I mentioned “CWC” and other groups. Those are each different groups of road squads. “CWC” stands for Community Work Crews. “DOT” stands for Department of Transportation, and “ECSU” stands for “Elizabeth City State University”, where a couple of inmates work.<br /><br /> I had 6 guys sign that petition and wrote a third, to Mr. Futrell, the Assistant Unit Manager of the camp:<br /><br /> “We are writing in grievance to this unit’s poor attempt to provide the road squads fair meals. For well over a month the work crews have received the same packout, consisting of bologna, cheese, an apple and water. At the same time inmates on the camp eat meals consisting of pizza, tacos, cheeseburgers and various other meals. We have voiced our opinion to this unit numerous times, only to receive no change in the situation.<br /> <br /> At the Town Hall Meeting on August 6th, Ms. Smith, the Food Service Supervisor, assured us that she would change this situation. Three weeks later, nothing has changed. As inmates of what you call “Honor Grade”, we expect to be treated better than we have been by this staff. If PCI cannot feed their work crews fairly, then you leave us no choice but to start writing grievances on you and this camp as well as writing to the Division of Prisons, the Department of Correction, Legal Services and any other source to make sure we, the minimum custody inmates of Pasquotank Correctional Institute, are treated fair.”<br /><br /> That petition was signed by 7 inmates.<br /><br /> When I finished writing the petition, I started going around the camp, soliciting signatures. Some signed, others read it and liked it, but were afraid to sign. Others were completely afraid to sign, and warned me of the idea that I could be charged for possibly starting a riot, which is a very heavy charge.<br /><br /> (something I actually was charged for while at Sanford, but beat that charge)<br /><br /> The petitions took off pretty well, and lots of guys knew about it. I think even an officer or two read it, so I know the word got up the ladder. My goal was to get enough signatures and present them to the unit managers, or mail them directly to the warden. The fact that I have the original papers with me now clearly shows that we never finished the act.<br /><br /> Why?<br /><br /> I’ll have to check my journals to get the exact reason, but I do know that the prison changed and DID start changing the rotation for the guys on road squad. In fact, I think one of the road squad guys said they got double portions sometimes. I think I remember one of the guys on the road squad tell me,<br /><br /> “Somebody in the office must have heard about them petitions and it scared the hell out of them”.<br /><br /> But whatever the reason, it is clear that it was those petitions, or the THREAT of those petitions that changed the situation. I am also quite sure we wrote grievances on this as well, but I have to find that in my folders to prove it. But it was no secret that we were putting a petition on this issue, the officers knew it and several had read it. And I am also very sure some of those who were afraid of signing it were the first to tell officers about it.<br /><br /> The end result is what we all wanted, for those guys who work out there to have a better meal than what they were being given. Like I said, I didn’t work road squad, but I knew enough guys on that camp to be concerned when they all started getting down on this issue. I had the advantage of a better meal on camp, and if I had a couple of dollars, to buy me a cold soda or some snacks when I wanted. Guys on road squad had to wait until they got back to camp to make canteen.<br /><br /> And because we all lived together, their stresses can be mine as well, I mean, having 60+ angry guys on the camp can make anybody’s time harder. Yet I think it goes deeper than that, maybe something I didn’t fully understand at the time. Deep inside, you have to CARE about other guys to do something like that. Not like an angel or some saint, just a humanistic quality to care about other’s welfare.<br /><br /> I didn’t HAVE to write those petitions and I sure didn’t have to sign my name first, but I did. I didn’t HAVE to go around soliciting signatures, but I did. I didn’t have to do anything to help, but deep inside, I knew these guys needed some help. I could not promise anything, but at least I could try.<br /><br /> As bad as prison is, there are times when inmates have to stick up for one another to help another person out. Now sometimes guys get this twisted when it comes to doing things in prison, but I truly believe that if you heart compels you to help a person in need, then it is a very compassionate spirit about you. I have had guys stick up for me while in prison, and I have been in positions to return the favor. Sometimes inmates have to stick together if they are going to cope with their incarceration.<br /><br /> Anyway, as I said, the issue was resolved and the guys felt much better about it. I actually felt kinda good knowing I helped a bit, but knowing it wasn’t all me, since the petitions were never formally sent. But I do believe that the unit manager and assistant manager had gotten wind of what we were doing, and certainly many officers knew, so the camp was quite aware of what we were doing. <br /><br /> Sometimes you don’t have to always put on the armor and grab the sword to go to war, you just have to be committed to do it if things don’t change. I think the prison saw that we were going to do what we could to get a resolution, and they realized that we were indeed serious. <br /><br /> That was one of many situations that happened at that camp, some of which I hope to share in future books of “Grades of Honor”. I would eventually be kicked out of the camp for a pretty controversial issue, one that sent me to Tyrrell Prison Work Farm. But that is another story.<br /><br /> Anyway, email me at derf4000 (at) embarqmail (dot) com to ask how to support my writings, or ask about my books or even ask me to blog about prison issues.Nolaw97http://www.blogger.com/profile/02288903303317764466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3059552666555892068.post-81465504906087751822010-06-06T16:50:00.001-07:002010-06-06T16:50:53.853-07:00#219 Dinnertime in prison (retro)Dinnertime in prison<br /><br /> I think the more correct jargon here is “chowtime”…<br /><br /> I wrote a blog earlier and got a few emails from it, it is always nice to get emails from readers that like what I am sharing. I hope you understand that I write because I really do care about you, and it is my hope that what I share can help you get through these tough times.<br /><br /> As usual, email me at derf4000 (at) embarqmail (dot) com, and while I am at it, one person asked why I break up the email like that, instead of just spelling it all out. Well, the reason for that is because apparently there are a lot of people who use software to crawl through the internet seeking emails to send spam and trash mail to. It seems that if you give your email online almost anywhere, somebody is going to find it and often times use it for ill will. But it seems that if you break it up, it makes it harder for a software to identify it and use it. It seems to work, since when I used to spell out my address, I was getting as many as 10 junk mails a day. Now I might get one or two a week.<br /><br /> Anyway, email me if you have questions about prison, or curious about my books or if you feel you want to support my blogs. It always helps.<br /><br /> Today as I write this, it is just after 5pm, and one of my favorite tv shows comes on in about a half an hour. (Pardon the Interruption, on ESPN if you must know). But I was thinking about dinner (or supper as some call it) and what it was like when I was in prison. No doubt many of you might wonder what your loved one is doing right now as well.<br /><br /> As it is, right now would be feeding time, or chow time, or dinner, or supper, in most prisons. Every prison I was in started feeding about 4:30 to 4:45, so at this very moment I am typing, there are inmates all over NC going to dinner. If I asked you to ask me the 5 most common questions one might have about prison and dinner, what would they be?<br /><br /> “Is the food good?”<br /><br /> Good question, and I really can answer that with a lot of honesty. I am not going to lie to you and tell you that it’s like going to Texas Steakhouse or Ruby Tuesday’s, but I am not going to tell you that they get slop and a cup of water either. On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being dogfood and 10 being a 5-star meal, I would say it’s pretty much a 6.5.<br /><br /> I say that because the myth that prison food is terrible is a lie, although we must admit that sometimes it isn’t what you WANT to eat. I was never a fan of fish, so when the prison had fish for dinner, it was a lost cause for me. But the meals they have in prison are a little better than average. Sure, sometimes they miss the mark, and often times you may not get as much as you might like, but trust me folks, it usually is ok.<br /><br /> “Do all the inmates eat the same thing on the camp?”<br /><br /> Actually they don’t. There are different meals made for different inmates. For the most part, the general population eats the same thing, but keep in mind in many prisons there are guys that cannot eat certain foods. They are called “special diet” and they have to have different meals prepared. Some might have high blood pressure or diabetes, and thus need to eat a different meal from other inmates. Those inmates do at times eat a different meal than most other inmates.<br /><br /> For example, something very simple…an egg.<br /><br /> Most times prisons don’t feed inmates REAL eggs, usually it comes from a carton of yokes…I oughta know, I used to work in three different prison kitchens. But you can go years without the pleasure of eating a real egg. Think about that next time you make breakfast.<br /><br /> And this would apply for dinner, but even lunch meals can be different. Remember that by dinnertime all the inmates are back on the prison grounds, but during the day, many inmates might be on road squad or work release. Those inmates would not eat the same meals as an inmate on the prison grounds. They get what is called a “snack bag”, which generally has a sandwich or two, a fruit and a desert…not as much food as an inmate on prison grounds, I can tell you.<br /><br /> “My loved one likes to eat…can he have seconds?”<br /><br /> Well, the general rule is no, because prisons try to make just enough food for the population, and if they allowed inmates to get seconds, then guys would start manipulating the system to make sure they were the last ones to come eat so they can be the first ones to get seconds.<br /><br /> This is a tricky subject, because I know many prison actually DO give out seconds after everybody on the camp has been fed. I mean, how would it sound if you heard they were throwing away food? <br /><br /> This answer is kinda split, because by rule, they cannot give seconds, but sometimes the kitchen officers don’t mind. I remember working as a line server at Sanford Correctional and sometimes we had leftover eggs (remember, not real scrambled eggs) or grits and on rare occasions, pancakes. Sometimes the kitchen supervisor would let us give away the food, so we would yell, “seconds!” and guys would rush up to get more food. So yeah, it can be done, but officially it is not.<br /><br /> “What kind of food do you eat in prison?”<br /><br /> Well to be honest, almost the same kinda stuff you’d eat. Now I understand that I cannot speak for every single prison in the US, nor would I want to, but what most people fail to understand is that the prisons of the country are held accountable for the health of the inmates, especially when it comes to food. If you still think inmates get a scoop of slop with two slices of bread and a warm cup of water, you really need to stop watching those movies.<br /><br /> Today being Thursday I think these were the days that NC prisons actually served Fried Chicken. Most times the Thursday meal was a good one, and most times it was chicken, or I think sometimes Fried Fish…which I hated. Sometimes they had spaghetti or something else nice. I think Thursday was one of the best meals of the week maybe because it also coincided with shipping day. Tuesdays and Thursdays were when most inmates were transferred from one camp to another.<br /><br /> Inmates can eat hamburgers, hot dogs, pizza or other meals for dinner. Now, the hamburgers they served in prison were NOTHING like what I dine on at Texas Steakhouse or similar places, but I guess it filled the belly…for awhile.<br /><br /> “Well why do you eat so early?”<br /><br /> That is a good question, it is kinda tough to eat dinner by 5pm, knowing that your next meal won’t be until about 7am. That means you’ve got to go over half a day without a meal, which can make it kinda tough.<br /><br /> I have been used to eating late, nowdays I might eat dinner as late as 10pm, usually by 9pm. But I rarely ate a dinner as early as 5, and even if I did, I still had options to snack some more before going to bed. But that was when I was much younger. Being in prison, this can be a problem because if for some reason the dinner was not “spot on” then you’ve got a growling stomach until breakfast the next day…unless you have canteen.<br /><br /> This is why I sometimes talk about how inmates can do their time a little better if they had a few dollars in their pocket. To me, when I had the assurance that I could make canteen and get a cup of soup or some Ramen or some chips, it made a strong safety net when the dinner wasn’t on the mark. Trust me folks, it saved me many times, as I am sure it did for many other inmates.<br /><br /> Well, that’s 5 questions, I don’t know if I answered yours, but you can always email me to ask more…I gotta run, my show is on!Nolaw97http://www.blogger.com/profile/02288903303317764466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3059552666555892068.post-38420229683018277032010-06-06T16:49:00.001-07:002010-06-06T16:49:58.628-07:00#218 Do inmates watch Prisonbreak? (retro)Prison Television: Do Inmates watch “Prisonbreak”?<br /><br /> Strange question, but I suppose one worth talking about today.<br /><br /> I’ll get to that in a moment, first I wanted to thank the emails for some of my past blogs, and I got quite a few from the last couple of days. If you haven’t read them, you might wanna jump back a few and do so. But some are pretty long. I mean, the one I wrote last night was about 9 pages.<br /><br /> And that is what I got quite a few emails about. There are a lot of people that have been a member (or ARE members) of some of these prison support sites, and often times when I write about them, I get a lot of “amens”. One person told me that she always felt it was odd how some members can get thousands and thousands of posts, but when you check out their actual posts, they are all simple one liners, maybe two liners. Anybody can do that, and if you do it long enough, you rack up something silly like 15,000 posts and people think you are something you are not: sincere.<br /><br /> So I got quite a few emails from people at Prison Talk Online who continue to read my posts…and here is something that site may not like; some of them actively support my blogs. In fact, the idea that I am giving away free prison encouragement certificates is strongly based on the kindness that people like them have given me.<br /><br /> And I can see both sides of it. I have no reserves saying what I believe, because I owe nothing to Prison Talk, and as I mentioned, have been lynched by moderators, members and even received a very profane letter from David Frisk, owner of PTO…<br /><br /> Check out the blog on that if you want to know what he emailed to me.<br /><br /> But I also see that some members understand that even as they read my blogs, they don’t want to “cause trouble” on PTO. Some are quite content to just sit there and read posts, but when they want somebody to REALLY talk about it, they will ask me to share what I can. I can live with that, because I know that despite moderators and some members at PTO, there are a lot of people who followed my posts and my writings. To them, my warmest thanks.<br /><br /> Now, let’s talk about prison television, or in particular, if inmates actually watch “Prisonbreak”.<br /><br /> This thought came to me because my brother recently bought season one of “Prisonbreak” on DVD, and I looked at the cover and thought about the recent success of the show. In fact, if you google the title, there are a lot of Prisonbreak forums out there, and a lot of fans.<br /><br /> And you know, I bet some of you with loved ones in prison actually watch that show because you want to try to get some idea of what your loved one is going through. Some of you think that some of those situations that happen on a television show is what your son, husband, boyfriend or pen pal might be going through…uh…no.<br /><br /> Let’s nip this in the bud…it’s TELEVISION.<br /><br /> “But some of those things could happen”.<br /><br /> I agree, because art imitates life. I am sure the writers of the show did a little research on what a prison might be like, but do not fall for the idea that every prison across the country is like that. That is called stereotyping.<br /><br /> But the question is asked, do inmates watch shows like “Prisonbreak”? My first answer would be no, because personally, I would not watch it. I am not criticizing it as a bad show, in fact I think it may be a nice one, but coming from a guy that lived through prison, I am far more comfortable writing about it to help others than watching a drama on television. Give me ESPN, Food Network, Animal Planet or Boomerang anytime.<br /><br /> (yeah that’s right, I LOVE cartoons!)<br /><br /> But in truth, many inmates may well watch it, because it comes closest to something they can currently identify with. It amazed me how a lot of inmates loved to watch “Cops” and similar shows when they had the chance. Many of them loved those reality shows, and I just could not understand why guys would watch things like that. But to a lot of guys, this was the only thing they could identify with, now being in prison. So yeah, I do think that inmates could (and would) watch shows like “Prisonbreak”.<br /><br /> But allow me to dig a little deeper here, to give you more intel on this.<br /><br /> To the novice of prison issues, there are a lot of variables left out, which often times are replaced by myths and stereotypes. If inmates do indeed watch Prisonbreak, how do they watch it? Do prison have televisions? How do inmates decide what to watch? When do inmates watch television? There are a lot of questions that often times are not answered, so we just “assume” that they watch television, and thus likely to watch “Prisonbreak”.<br /><br /> Let’s address that a bit.<br /><br /> The most obvious question is whether inmates actually DO watch television. The answer to that is…yes and no. Depending on the prison, and many times the custody level, inmates may or may not be able to actually watch television. In theory, the higher the custody level, the lesser a chance that an inmate might be able to have television privileges, with some exceptions. The reasons are kinda obvious and strongly based on security.<br /><br /> A prison filled with very violent inmates may not have televisions available because many times those guys will destroy it and abuse the privilege. That may not be every prison in high security levels, but it likely is a lot. I am reminded of when I first fell, and was in county jail. I spend about 9 days in a communal cell before being moved to a single cell for like 17 months. Anyway, that communal cell USED to have a television in it, as in many other cells in the county jail. But I was told that they recently removed them because some inmates got stupid and damaged them. The Sheriff figured that if inmates don’t know how to appreciate what they are given, then take it away.<br /><br /> I agree with that, and such is similar situations in prison. But many times the higher security prisons like maximum security prisons may limit that. But even if they had television, it would be different from what you are used to.<br /><br /> When I was at Pasquotank Correctional, it was medium security at the time (I have since heard that they went to close custody on the main camp, as opposed to close and medium). Each dorm room had about 40 inmates, two to a cell. But each dorm had a big television, mounted high on the wall, and caged on three sides. No inmates were allowed to touch it, not even to change the channel. We had to call an officer, who had to go get the remote from the central office, return and then change the channel.<br /><br /> Now, it is worth noting that some prisons actually allow inmates to BUY their own televisions…I don’t know how that will work once the US goes digital February 17, because unless those inmate-bought televisions have a converter, it may not work. But in the state of NC, inmates are not allowed to purchase televisions. The only 3 things outside of canteen that we were allowed to purchase is Converse shoes (one pre-approved design), A watch ($15 and not worth the price) and an RCA Radio ($12 and DEFINIATELY not worth the price). Nothing else like televisions, microwaves, or game consoles were allowed at all.<br /><br /> This also raises the question again about the show “Prisonbreak”, or any show for that matter. How do you decide which programs to watch? I mean, if you think about it, many prisons have a day room where most inmates in a dorm might congregate to play cards, write letters, eat canteen and stuff like that, including watching television. How do you decide what to watch if 15 inmates want to watch 3 different shows?<br /><br /> There are a few ways this is done, depending on the prison. In some prisons, there are designated inmates who actually make the schedule for the upcoming week for the dorm. These guys get together, check out the upcoming schedule via the local newspaper, and try to decide what to watch for the upcoming week. Their “job” is to make sure that the inmates get to watch what they would like to watch, so when those programs come on, the officer can look at the schedule and know exactly what station that television is supposed to be on.<br /><br /> In this case, those guys would have to ask to see if anybody was interested in watching “Prisonbreak” on it’s appointed day. If say 10 guys in the dorm wanted to see it, then they could write in on that time slot that on that particular day, the television would be set on the channel that Prisonbreak comes on. Now, what if for example there was a local basketball game coming on at the same time? If 15 guys wanted to watch the basketball game, and 15 wanted to watch “Prisonbreak” what happens?<br /><br /> In many prisons there is a general code that dictates that sports overrules all other shows. If such a situation happens, then the basketball game would have more importance than the television show, and thus the schedule would indicate that. This happens a lot more than you know. Once the entire schedule is filled out, the inmate in charge (or inmates since it does require a couple of guys), takes the sheet to the officer and he takes it to the central office. That paper is the guideline for what inmates in that dorm will watch over the course of the week, and it is then the officer’s job to make sure that the television is on that channel when those programs come on, since inmates are not allowed to touch the television (and in many cases, could not touch it if they tried).<br /><br /> Now, other prisons work a little differently, in that some have two day rooms. I have been on a couple of camps where the dorm might have 40-60 inmates and have two different day rooms. In such instances, one dayroom is almost totally dedicated for sports, while the other is for other programs. This makes it easier for inmates to watch what they want, and in this case, inmates can watch “Prisonbreak” on one side, while other inmates are watching the basketball game. I remember once there was a controversy involving the sports side, because there was a big college basketball game coming on, but some of the guys also wanted to watch wrestling. The argument was that wrestling should NOT be watched on the sports side because wrestling is not a sport…it is entertainment.<br /><br /> A third way that inmates can watch television programs is in prison with adjoining dorms. Some prisons have dorms that actually connect to one another. Think of it as a semi-circle, and cut it into 5 equal parts. Each part represents a dorm. Each of those dorms have a connecting door to the one beside it, and so on to the end. With that in mind, you can see that the first and fifth dorms would be like end pieces, but the ones in between would have connecting doors on both sides.<br /><br /> Some prisons are set up this way, to allow inmates to actually move from one dorm to another during available hours. What this also means is that each dorm has one television, and thus you may be able to watch up to 5 different shows, depending on what that dorm is watching. In cases like this, it would be a lot easier for inmates to watch “Prisonbreak” than many other prison, because you have more selections. But that is not guaranteed, because if you are the only person in all the dorms interested in that show, it is possible you may find a television in those 5 dorms with guys watching that show.<br /><br /> So, do guys watch “Prisonbreak”? Well, maybe, it all depends on the actual rules and policies of the prison they are in. Hope that helps. Email me at derf4000 (at) embarqmail (dot) com if you have any other questions about prison or about my books.Nolaw97http://www.blogger.com/profile/02288903303317764466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3059552666555892068.post-38893168674476299452010-06-06T16:48:00.001-07:002010-06-06T16:48:42.541-07:00#217 Don't take it personal (retro)Don’t take it personal<br /><br /> It is just after 11pm as I begin this blog, I was going to wait until Friday, but since I had time, I figured I might as well blog out some thoughts. First off, thanks again to those of you who support my blogs, as I get more and more emails I get more encouraged that what I share is indeed helpful to some…but not to everyone.<br /><br /> Sometimes when I blog, some people take what I say as if I am making them an example, or if what I am saying to them is to belittle them in some way. Folks, if you TRULY feel that way, do one of two things…email me and talk to me like a person, or get out of my blogs.<br /><br /> I say this because what I will NEVER do on these blogs is talk to kiss somebody’s ego, I get enough of that crap in prison support sites because everybody wants to think that they know it all, when NOBODY knows it all. Yet having said that, I will bank my personal experience in prison against ANYBODY…I say again, ANYBODY, who has never set foot in there.<br /><br /> Still, I temper what I say by staying to you that I ask that you not take what I write so personal that you think I am attacking you. Some people get the wrong impression and get too offended when I talk about prison matters, and think that I am some idiot making this stuff up.<br /><br /> If you get the chance, back up to my blog about “the Middle ground” and read it, it is 10 pages of talk about the mentality of an inmate, and for a lot of you, it is something that may prove helpful. I wrote that because I had a couple of emails on it, and one in particular touched me to the point that I really felt that I should blog this out. So I did.<br /><br /> Now, you know me. I do not write short blogs, and I told you guys that I don’t write for people who are looking for short cuts or “Cliff Notes”. If you want a shorter version, this ain’t the place for it. This blog allows me to give you not 10%, not 30%, but as much as I can pour my heart into. For a lot of people, this is important enough not to cut corners. So I don’t.<br /><br /> But a lot of people don’t like my lengthy blogs…I say again, if you are not into reading long blogs…leave me alone.<br /><br /> Believe me, nothing anybody is going to say will change how I write.<br /><br /> But today I get a comment on my blog that I have to go back over. The first words out on this comment was…in some ways you write too much.<br /><br /> I will not apologize for that, I am not writing to please people who are missing what I am talking about, if I needed to write 100 pages, then that is what I will write. I got a few emails from some readers who thanked me for what I wrote, one very loyal reader said she loved my longer blogs because it allows me to really get into what I needed to say.<br /><br /> But the comment on my blog seemed to be a bit hostile in that I seem to be downgrading certain inmates. As the comment implied, I don’t seem to care about the lower level inmates, and also that this person does not give a…well, you know, about higher level inmates.<br /><br /> Rule to remember on my blogs…don’t EVER curse at me. I didn’t curse you, so show the same respect.<br /><br /> But there clearly is some misunderstanding in the comment. The idea that I seem to be talking about “lower numbers” is insane because if the person reading this has read my blogs, they would know I spent a heck of a lot of time in minimum custody. So I KNOW what they are going through, because I have been there…<br /><br /> And let me add this…I have been THROUGH it. So I know what it is like, not just to sit in prison, but to live after the incarceration is over. So what I am saying is not some flippant piece of information to downgrade inmates…I have been one. I take offense that the idea seems to be that I am making light that minimum custody inmates are having troubles.<br /><br /> What I said in that article was that any inmate in minimum custody that is still believing that violence is some answer is NOT ready for release. Remember folks, minimum custody inmates are largely the ones most ready to reenter society. If you have inmates with negative attitudes while in minimum security, especially thoughts that you need to defend your property with violence…that is a problem.<br /><br /> I think the problem some people have is that they keep thinking minimum custody is what you see on shows like “Oz” and “Prison Break”. Far from it. I never said that minimum custody was like Disneyland, but I will definitely say it ain’t a supermax. There is a world of difference in that.<br /><br /> I take offense to the idea that what I am saying is making those guys look like idiots, and that I never said. I didn’t write a few thousand pages to pick at inmates, because my readers are their mothers, wives, girlfriends, pen pals and others. So I get upset when somebody thinks what I write has no sincerity, when that is all I have been writing. But I get pissed too when people inaccurately dismiss what I share as crap.<br /><br /> Folks, do you understand what that middle ground is truly about? It’s about inmates needing to make positive decisions before they end up repeating their past. If a guy is sitting in prison worrying about defending his property on a minimum custody prison, he is not ready for society. Yet, this is NOT every guy, in fact, not most. If I sat here and remembered 100 inmates I knew while in minimum custody, I might say 80% of them are guys that, if given a legit chance, they could make it.<br /><br /> But there are guys in prison, in minimum custody prisons, that really just don’t care about anybody. They are just doing their time, saying the right things, so they can get out of prison…learning NOTHING about themselves except how to put “me” first.<br /><br /> These are the guys that will come back. And as the comment put it, “And they are the guys most likely to parole and those most likely to come back”. Why is that? Why do some guys come back to prison? Many reasons, too many to blog now, but one is that they never put an emphasis on thinking on positive things. They were too busy thinking about what is theirs, and defending what little they had like a hungry lion over a kill.<br /><br /> That is not conducive to self esteem, and until an inmate can clear that obstacle, the very words he speak is what he is about. What does it say, “from the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks”. If an inmate is trying to defend the idea of being violent in prison, his mentality is set for prison…not society. A guy in minimum custody needs to change that thinking or he will fail in society.<br /><br /> The other idea was that what I suggested was that many inmates “fear” the future. And lots of folks don’t get that, because to be sure, inmates are not going to tell you their fears. It’s one of the codes of prison, along with not crying. I suggest to you that many inmate (not all) fear the future outside of prison, and for all the tough talk they can give, deep inside is a fear of failing…again. Fear of failing the people they love, especially their mom, wife or whomever. There is a fear of trying a new lifestyle, the fear of changing one’s habits, the fear of not living up to expectations of society. There is an anxiety and fear, yes fear, that can grip an inmate near his release because he goes literally from a society (prison) were all his needs are met, to one where, in one day, he can have nothing.<br /><br /> See, a lot of you don’t buy that because you think every inmate desires only to be free…I strongly disagree because I knew guys like that, and I have BEEN like that. But I say again, this is not for everybody, so don’t make rude comments with profanity acting like I am talking to every single inmate in the United States.<br /><br /> I will defend inmates to the hilt, and most of you who have been reading my posts know it, but let’s not kid ourselves either…some inmates don’t care about ANYBODY but themselves. I also learned something too, when I started blogging:<br /><br /> My idea was to try to write to help everybody, but I learned something, and was actually told this by some of my earlier readers. They loved my writing, but cautioned me that I can’t save everybody…so don’t beat yourself up trying to do it. I didn’t understand that at first, but through many posts I realized that there are people out there that never truly wanted to be helped…they wanted attention. Some people I tried to help, and they would not listen. My best example was a lady on a prison support site who believed her man in prison was cheating on her. She had proof and he even told her. She told me in an email that she was going to visitation and tell him that they are breaking up. I strongly advised against it, because there was no wisdom in it, and I also believed that inmates don’t like being shown up at visitation. She didn’t listen to me, went to the visit. The next time she emailed me, she told me she had to go the hospital because her man slapped her (during visitation) so hard that she may have fractured her jaw.<br /><br /> I felt terrible about it, but I did all I can do, I tried to prevent her, but her mind was made up. It goes to prove that on both sides of the prison wall, you cannot save a person that refuses to listen. The best you can do is give the info and advice, and hope they listen.<br /><br /> That goes for inmates just as much as those outside the prison. I cared a lot about some guys I knew in prison, but many times I could not help them when they would not listen. And some know how to say only what you want to hear. There are inmates out there in prison that have no intentions of doing anything positive, but will lie and tell you what you want to here, especially if it gets your attention.<br /><br /> That is not every inmate, again, but it is some. I can have 2000 people reading my blogs right now, but I can’t make not one person truly take what I say into their hearts. One thing I learned while in prison, and even before, it’s not what a person says…it’s what he says consistently, that shows the heart of a man.<br /><br /> So I will make an apology if what I shared seemed to say what it did not, but I do not, and will not, ever apologize for what I share. Nobody put a gun to my head to make me write 10 pages, that was from the heart. And I keep saying two things that I should not have to keep repeating, one, that I never claimed to know it all, and two, every inmate is different. What I share is based on my experience and what I have seen in prison, and never concocted to make it seem that “us medium custody guys” are better than minimum custody guys. That is insane.<br /><br /> I say again, if you have at odds with what I share, try emailing me in a kind way, so we may talk it out. I am no ignorant demon with no rationale, I have a heard and a mind just like you do, and I can reason if given the chance. But this thing about spitting profanity is not what I respond to. In prison, if a guy disrespected me, I left him alone and resigned myself to not be associated with that person at all. See, I don’t need to get violent, I just need to use my head. If it came to it, then I would defend myself, but some inmates think that is option ONE, instead of using their head. Those will be the ones that come back.<br /> <br /> Outside of prison, when people disrespect me on my blogs or posts, I move on… without them, because there is no respect there. I have better things to do, such as writing more blogs. I am absolutely confident and have no questions in my heart that what I write has been, and will be very helpful to many, many people who need understanding. My intent is to give it as best as I can.Nolaw97http://www.blogger.com/profile/02288903303317764466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3059552666555892068.post-59558229629814128722010-06-06T16:46:00.001-07:002010-06-06T16:46:34.456-07:00#216 Double Jeopardy of the media (retro)Double Jeopardy of the Media<br /><br /> It is almost 8pm as I decide to do a blog about an issue I have dealt with, one that deals with inmates who are judged for their past, even after the original judgment has been served.<br /><br /> With the Superbowl coming this weekend, I am excited to see the Steelers and Cardinals, and I really don’t have a favorite. I like Kurt Warner because he has had a tough road after the Rams dropped him, and it is good to see him back in the Superbowl. But I like the Steelers too, so I can’t call it, although I think the Steelers may win this one.<br /><br /> Again, thanks to those emailing me, those supporting my blogs and the like. These are the last couple of days for the free prison encouragement certificate, I will have sent them all out by Monday, February 2nd.<br /><br /> Now, before I begin, let’s define “double jeopardy”<br /><br /> “subjection of a person to a second trial when he has already been acquitted of the same charge”<br /><br /> This is important to remember because this is very, VERY common in society. Most think it happens in court cases, but it happens in society every day. Too many people in society are hell-bent to see that any ex felon with a job should not have it, and give it to “law biding” citizens. Too many people in society are too busy trying to condemn a person for his past, even after he has served his time.<br /><br /> I bring this up for two different situations, one from an email I got from a wonderful reader. She told me of a local news I think in Cleveland where an ex-felon got a job as a traffic controller, making $12 an hour. She told me that after that news report was shown, the job got emails and phone calls from angry “citizens” because that person should not have that job when so many are out of work.<br /><br /> What you see folks is our society continuing to judge a person for his past. The man did his time, he paid his debt to society, why then is he still being put on trial? I read that and it reminded me of the blog I shared with you guys about a newspaper that wanted to do a story on my blogs. I got an email from them asking to do a story about my blogs and how I was able to get through prison. I thought it was a nice idea, and asked what they needed from me.<br /><br /> The email I got from them had me concerned, because the info they said they needed was a little too much for them to have. Mind you, I am not hiding from anybody, but as an ex felon trying to get my life together, I am NOT submitting my whole name, address, phone number, picture and charges for my incarceration. I asked the person if all that was really necessary, and they said that it was, because without it, they cannot do this story on me, because it might seem that it was made up.<br /><br /> So now I am put at a crossroads…I would sure like to do a newspaper article, but at what price? I had already done this before, and the result cost me my job. The only reason I would now do this story is for vanity…and that wasn’t enough.<br /><br /> So I have decided not to do the story, because I believe that even if done in good faith, I would be judged again for something I already paid my debt for. And the sad thing is, lots of times the media is quite aware of what they are doing, but for the idea of selling another newspaper, they are often willing to throw an ex felon under the bus to make some money.<br /><br /> Now, that sounds harsh, and for that I apologize, because I believe some media have very honest intentions. But I cannot buy that any credible paper or television program could sincerely do a story on an ex felon and NOT know that the backlash of it will likely cost him a second condemnation.<br /><br /> Example: Let’s say I worked at Wal-mart, and I am an ex felon. If I gave that newspaper my name, address, phone number, place of work, nature of crime and all that, what do you think will happen if they published that story?<br /><br /> I say again, even if done in good faith, the newspaper will not take responsibility of what happens next. What if some of our society felt it was wrong for Wal-Mart to hire “criminals”? What if they protested and wrote letters to the store, saying they won’t spend another dime in that store if they are hiring “criminals”?<br /><br /> Businesses operate on public relations, and would likely have to address the matter. If I never told them I was an ex felon, but needed the job, I would be fired because I was not honest with them on the job application. (odd, because if I was, I would never be hired). But if I was honest, and they hired me anyway, they would have to “let me go” because of public displeasure. <br /><br /> Either way, I lose my job.<br /><br /> So what did I gain by doing the article? Sure the newspaper made some coins off the story, and can probably make more on the “follow up” of that story…but it won’t get me a job. After all is said and done, I would have been judged again and found guilty.<br /><br /> We don’t live in a world where this won’t happen…it will because there are too many thick-skulled individuals that seem to think it is their mission in life to keep condemnation on ex felons long after they have served their time.<br /><br /> It reminds me of an idea a lady had on one of the prison sites, one I…for lack of a better word, though was absolutely STUPID. She wanted to create a list of businesses owned by ex felons, so that “we” could support them.<br /><br /> Now COME ON! Do you REALLY think a list of businesses owned by ex felons would be helpful to anybody? The moment such a list is made, those owners would be treated as lepers. There is no sincere belief that a list of such businesses could be taken sincerely, and would not rather be used to condemn each one. You are literally asking those people to lay their lives out there and HOPE that society won’t judge…but if something goes wrong, their lives are ruined and you can’t help them.<br /><br /> This is why many guys who did time are trying to keep their past in the past, because they know that we as a people delight in finding the worst in mankind, and using it against them.<br /><br /> It really surprises me that newspapers and television don’t know that…but then again, I think they do. Heck, I wrote for a college newspaper, and I know about the backlash of writing an ex felon story. And I had it happen to me, so I see it from both sides. I would hate to think that the newspaper actually expected me to give in to my vanity and do the article. Pride makes people do stupid things. If I had, and things got bad for me because of that article, that same newspaper that put the story out there would throw their hands up and say, “hey, it’s not our fault, we just report the news”.<br /><br /> But by doing that, you also created the news, and cost a person his livelihood. And no newspaper is going to give a dollar to help them get it back. So I am resigned to not do that article, it’s not worth it. Sure, the paper said it might help others, but the cost is far too much for me to pay. I would stand to lose MUCH more, and the newspaper would stand to make money. So no, I can’t put my life in the hands of a neutral party, because they would throw my past to the wolves.<br /><br /> Kinda like that scripture, give not that which is holy to the dogs, and cast not your pearls to swine. For they will trample it and turn to rend you. Don’t give something that is important to you to people who will not respect it. My life is important to me, and giving that to a newspaper just for a story will surely result in something negative. If they are not willing to at least meet me half way, then I have nothing to gain.<br /><br /> Anyway, I better go, hope to get more emails from you, email me at derf4000 (at) embarqmail (dot) com.Nolaw97http://www.blogger.com/profile/02288903303317764466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3059552666555892068.post-61798000906156569302010-06-06T16:41:00.000-07:002010-06-06T16:42:14.942-07:00#215 The Drop Test (retro)Prison Science: The Drop Test<br /><br /> How many of you ever heard of that…the Drop Test? I’ll tell you more about it in a little bit…<br /><br /> My thanks again to those who email me and ask me about my books and other products; the goal in a humble way is to create a financial support for my writings so I can spend more time writing books, blogs and other things to make available for those with loved ones in prison.<br /><br /> I am working on a blog book, which will be about 100 pages long, give or take. I am using blogs originally wrote in my very first prison blog back in 2005. Most of you never read those; some have not read my second reincarnation of blogs either.<br /><br /> At the pace I am working on, 100 pages is almost too easy to do, and won’t even scratch the surface of the books I am writing. But I have to limit my works so that expenses won’t be too much when I go to Staples to get binding, and then to ship them off, so I am keeping the books to about 100 pages.<br /><br /> When I make a little more progress, I will give you a heads up on what some of that content includes. Right now I am already 1/3 of the way through, and I haven’t even been working on it a whole week.<br /><br /> Anyway, I was sitting here thinking of a subject to blog about, when I heard my brother saying something. I went in the living room and saw him changing batteries on the remote game controller. As he switched out, taking out the old batteries and replacing them with new ones, I went to get the older batteries, and mentioned to him about the “Drop Test”.<br /><br /> So what’s that about?<br /><br /> I never heard of it myself until I went to prison, and when I heard guys talking about it, I thought it was the dumbest thing I ever heard. But where are my manners? Let me set this up for you:<br /><br /> Say you’re in prison and you have a small radio that requires 2 AA batteries. You find out one day that your batteries are going low and you don’t have the money to buy new ones. You go to one of the other guys and ask them if they have any batteries you can use, and he pulls out a cup full of batteries. He says to you, “I know some of them are good, some might not be, you’ll have to find out for yourself”. What do you do?<br /><br /> Well, you can do the Drop Test.<br /><br /> The test is supposed to determine whether a battery is strong enough to use or too week to bother with, and thus likely thrown away. An inmate can determine which batteries are best to use to extend the use of his radio.<br /><br /> “That’s the dumbest thing I ever heard!”<br /><br /> Well, I used to think that too, but there apparently is some value in it.<br /><br /> Now I can go online and look up the properties of batteries and how they are made, but that wasn’t practical to guys in prison, so I’ll just leave the true science out of it. But I will tell you how this test works.<br /><br /> Basically, you are literally dropping the battery to the ground to determine if it still has some “juice” in it. But there is a proper way to go about this, so pay attention:<br /><br /> First, get the batteries in question, and find a hard floor surface. It has to be a very solid and strong floor, so don’t look for a wood floor or carpet. Brick or cement floors are best because they don’t absorb much impact. They don’t “give” if you understand that terminology. <br /><br /> Once you get your batteries, take ONE battery, hold it the long way, so your fingers are touching both ends of the battery. Stand and hold the battery about knee high, and drop it.<br /><br /> If the battery bounces and turns a few times, that means the battery is weak. If the battery bounces and does not turn, it is strong, and can be used.<br /><br /> “I don’t get it”<br /><br /> When you drop the battery, you’re looking to see what it will do once it makes impact on the hard surface. Every battery is going to bounce, much like almost any other object that impacts a solid surface. But if the battery is “weak” then it won’t have as much “juice” in it, and thus the battery (in theory) is more hollow, and more prone to “flip”.<br /><br /> The more “flips” it does, the weaker it is.<br /><br /> If however the battery makes impact with the floor and does not “flip” it then would appear to have more density, and thus not as likely to “flip”. Replace the word, “density” with “juice” and you can see where in theory a battery with more juice is less likely to “flip” and thus is a strong (or stronger) battery.<br /><br /> Try it yourself. Get a brand new battery and one that you know is weak. Try the drop test and see which one “flips”. If you do it right, you should know immediately which one is which.<br /><br /> Now, granted that sounds like backwoods stuff, and I scoffed at it too. I thought those guys were nuts to do that stuff, but after awhile I tried it. After several tests, I realized that maybe there WAS something to it. And if done right, the accuracy of a strong and weak battery was very high.<br /><br /> When you are in prison, things just have to last longer because we didn’t have the means to run down to the nearest store and buy fresh batteries. I know when I was in prison during my more financially challenged times, batteries had to last as long as possible until I could afford to buy fresh ones. It’s important because for a lot of guys, the radio was their only personal means of the outside world. Sure there was television, but in NC you are not allowed to own one; they were always in the dayroom of the dorm. Sure we got newspapers, but most guys don’t read anything except the sports section (or the funnies, like me). <br /><br /> But in prison, the radio was the only thing an inmate could own that required batteries. That meant for me, the window to the audio world was all I had to find comfort. If that meant catching an NFL game on the AM station, or some jazz station on a nearby college, or Christmas music on some Christian station, I needed that venue to escape.<br /><br /> All the more reason those batteries had to work. And if they did not, I had to know how much “juice” I had left on it. Many guys kept weaker batteries just for an emergency when they may really need them, but over time you may end up getting a handful of them. You’d have to know which is good, and which is not.<br /><br /> Thus the Drop Test.<br /><br /> I don’t suppose this idea was started in prison, I just found out about it when I was in prison. I didn’t have such a problem when I was in college because we had outlets and I could always plug something up and be good as new.<br /><br /> At home it was never a problem either, or anywhere else I can remember. But when you are in prison, your resources are at a minimum, so things just have to last longer. You just could not throw batteries away because you got fresh ones. Often times other guys would ask you for your older ones, rather than seeing you throw it away.<br /><br /> You know, even after all these years, I still have my old RCA radio somewhere in the attic. I don’t use it because frankly it was a piece of crap. DOC made us spend about $15.00 on a radio you could quite easily go to Radio Shack or any convenient store and pay about $5 to $7 for. Whoever cut that deal with the state made a boatload of money.<br /><br /> Anyway, that is what the Drop Test is about. Email me if you have any other questions about prison issues, and ask me about my books and other products at derf4000 (at) embarqmail (dot) com.Nolaw97http://www.blogger.com/profile/02288903303317764466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3059552666555892068.post-42467626604523160672010-06-06T13:17:00.000-07:002010-06-06T13:19:20.254-07:00#214 Top 3 Prison blogs, chapter 3Top 3 Prison Blogs, ch 3<br /><br /> This will be kinda misleading, because there are actually 5 blogs on the list…go figure.<br /><br /> Since this is the beginning of a new week, it seemed a good time to look back and see what people are looking for, at least according to my blogs.<br /><br /> As you know, I try to talk about the top issues in prison as I see on my personal blogs. I go by the topics that have been “hit” and see which ones more people are reading. That way, it gives me an idea of what many people are looking for. From those ideas I might be able to see what is important to talk about from one day to the other.<br /><br /> As some of you may also know, I had not blogged too much last week, this was because of a number of things, one being that I was working on some offline projects. I actually completed a few projects that I think might enhance what I am trying to do, and I am also filling orders for my “Grades of Honor” books, as well as a few cards and things.<br /><br /> In addition, I have been answering emails from people with concerns involving prison. I would like to think that there may come a day where I just can’t answer every email, but right now, the ones I get are clearly within my ability to answer within a reasonable amount of time.<br /><br /> So anyway, having said all that, let’s count down my top 3 prison blogs of the week:<br /><br /> TIE at #3: Post #32 Should you send inmates money (retro) and post #73 How much is 33-50 months prison time<br /><br /> These two posts have the same number of “hits” which is interesting. Those of you who have been following my blogs know about the issue of sending inmates money, it is a major question that thousands of people have, and one of most consistent subjects on prison issues.<br /><br /> And I say again, this is a subject that is as different as every inmate. Just as no two inmates have EVER done their time exactly the same way, no two issues of sending inmates money is the same. Lots of folks get the idea that all inmates are con artists, trying to get money from anybody they can. And YES that is true for a lot of those guys, but not everybody. The situation is different for each one, depending on your level of trust in that person.<br /><br /> The other issue is based on people not quite sure about how much time their loved one has to do. It seems to be a very common issue because at the moment your loved one is sentence, people hear the extreme end and worry that their loved one is sentenced to the maximum date that was given.<br /><br /> This is not always true.<br /><br /> So in that blog I took an example, and tried to talk about the difference between the minimum and maximum date on a prison sentence. Many states have what is called a structured sentence, which in effect allows the inmate to serve a lesser sentence IF they meet the qualifications to do so. In the blog I shared, I talked about the fact that just because your loved one has a minimum and maximum date, don’t assume that he will get out on the minimum. He HAS to be there at least the minimum, and can be there as long as the max, but there are things he can do to chip down that maximum date down to the minimum.<br /><br /> I can talk more about this if others are concerned about it.<br /><br /> TIE at #2: Post #120 Prison 101 Showers (retro) and post # 33 Security Levels in prison (retro)<br /><br /> These two subjects were tied for the second most “hit” subjects on my prison blogs, which gives you a variety of what people are looking for. One is about a general subject about prison incarceration, the other a very specific subject in prison.<br /><br /> The blog I wrote on prison showers is one that I think may people think of, and there are many ideas of this thought. It is perhaps one of the most curious aspects of prison, when you wonder how do grown men take showers in a place full of violence?<br /><br /> There obviously are many fears involving this, and rightfully so, so what I tried to do was talk from my experience. In my time incarcerated, including jail before going to prison, I have been in 11 different situations where taking showers differed depending on the location. Some prisons have single cell, WITH a shower, some have single or double cell with access to single shower areas. Others were dormitory prisons, where there was a communal shower, with maybe anywhere from 4 to 8 shower heads, maybe more.<br /><br /> What I tried to do is talk about what I went through, to try to answer a few questions about what an inmate might have to endure. To be sure, it is an uneasy feeling, but you gotta take a shower sometime… in fact it can be a writeup if you don’t stay clean, so showers are something you have to do. But there are things you can do in prison to look out for yourself when you have to take one.<br /><br /> The other subject addresses the issue of security levels in prison. Most folks don’t know that there are a variety of different prison security levels. Not everybody goes to a supermax prison and live in a iron bar cell…some of us just watch too much television. Most prisons have different levels, depending on the inmate, the charge, and the length of their incarceration, as well as other factors. The higher the security level, the less privileges the inmates have, and of course, the lower the security level, the more privileges they will have.<br /><br /> There is a very clear difference between a minimum security inmate, and a maximum security inmate, from phone calls allowed, visitation, yard time and so much more. I am hoping I touched on a number of those subjects on that blog, but there is much more that could have been discussed.<br /><br /> #1 Post # 210 Testimony of One<br /><br /> This is interesting because it is actually based on two different documents. The first being a post I wrote titled “Do Prisons Lie” and the other was that this was based on a document I wrote that was 25 pages long, one I thought about sharing, but figure to wait on another time to share that.<br /><br /> This is a subject that can REALLY open up a Pandora’s Box of things that prisons may not want an ex felon to talk about. Its kinda like that slogan with Las Vegas, “Whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas”. The same goes for prison…at least that’s what prisons want you to do.<br /><br /> Folks…this is a subject I can really, REALLY bear fangs over like a starving werewolf and a malnutrition vampire over fresh meat. The things I went through with it came to these “games” that prisons play can really tear your esteem apart. And when I say “prison” I don’t just mean the correctional officers…it goes all the way through the entire prison system. From the officers, the sergeants, lieutenants, wardens, and administration of the DOC, including the grievance board, the NC Prison Legal Services and everyone in between. From top to bottom, there is a theme that inmates just cannot be right, and the prison has the absolute right to treat inmates the way they see fit…even if it means lying.<br /><br /> Now, this does not mean that every person in prison is a liar, not at all. I had the pleasure of getting to know a good number of good men and women who were just doing their job, and many of them also knew that a lot of people in prison were just people who made a mistake. More than once I was told by an officer that the stressful parts of work don’t come from the inmates…it comes from other officers and their superiors. Imagine that.<br /><br /> So anyway, that might be a subject to look more into in the future.<br /><br /> So there you have it, the top 3...er….5 blogs on my prison blogs the last week. I hope I can write more blogs this week, but I will also be working on offline projects to see if I can get some support. As usual, if you are interested in supporting my blogs, let me know, or if you are interested in my books or cards let me know. Until then….Nolaw97http://www.blogger.com/profile/02288903303317764466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3059552666555892068.post-20916987300693267142010-06-05T07:21:00.001-07:002010-06-05T07:21:44.926-07:00#213 Encouraging a loved one in prison (retro)Encouraging A Loved One In Prison<br /><br /> I suppose this is indeed a tall order, but I wanted to take a shot at it to see if we can do something about this.<br /><br /> And notice I said “WE” not “me” or “you”. It’s gonna take some cooperation if we are to find the strength to encourage someone you love that is in prison. To many people this is impossible. Prison is a bad place, a very negative place. People in prison are stressed, depressed and full of shame or anger. Society does not care about them inside the prison or after they get out. So encouragement is out of the question.<br /><br /> But I beg to differ.<br /><br /> Today I just got back from Staples after buying some materials to help me put some things together. I want to be able to provide this offer I am putting out there for those who have loved ones in prison.<br /><br /> The key around all of this is to encourage that son, husband, boyfriend, pen pal or whomever you care about in the prison. We can do a few things to help out. But there has to be a plan, a blueprint if you will, on how this is done.<br /><br /> You see, anybody can go buy a card and send it, and I don’t want to dilute the importance of sending something. But encouragement does not live in the card…after all a card is just paper, ink, images and letters. I mean, if you really think about it, a person that hates you can send you a card.<br /><br /> So what am I going to do that is different? If I cannot convince you that what I am doing is worth considering and supporting, then all this will look like is an attempt to get your money.<br /><br /> If you are going to spend a penny with me, then you need to know what I am trying to get you to do. This is about sending a loved one something, but it is also about encouragement, and in fact, THAT must be first.<br /><br /> Before you buy into my cards or anything else, we have to try to get you in the right frame of mind. It’s not enough to just “send stuff”. We have to get you in a more positive and encouraging frame of mind. Why is this important? Because the way you feel does have an impact on your loved one who is incarcerated.<br /><br /> See, a lot of you don’t believe that, but a lot of it is shown in what you say. I read so many times about why some feel like their loved ones don’t want to talk to them. A lot of people say that their loved ones are not comfortable in a conversation with them and they don’t know why.<br /><br /> Lots of times we forget that sometimes it is our words that have a part in it as well. Sometimes you can “say” you are trying to be positive, but the words you actually say or write tell the true story. It’s also in how you say it too. Many times it isn’t so much that you are not saying that you are trying to be encouraging, it is in the delivery too.<br /><br /> That’s got to change if you are going to really be helpful to your loved one in prison. You have to have a positive attitude in how you communicate with your loved one. The problem is many people confuse “positive” with “happy”.<br /><br /> Some of you think that you are supposed to be joyful and dancing in the streets because your son got 10 years, or throwing a party because your husband or boyfriend got sent to prison for 15 years. That’s not what I am talking about.<br /><br /> Being positive is defined as “constructive and helpful”. You can easily see the difference in being positive and the opposite, that being destructive. There is no need for you to be destructive, condemning, stressful, depressed or any other negative feelings towards someone you love IF you are trying to encourage them.<br /><br /> But then the question is asked…WHAT are you encouraging them to do?<br /><br /> Good question.<br /><br /> Think about your loved one in prison for a minute. If that means stepping away from my blog for a moment, do that…I ain’t going nowhere….<br /><br /> Think about that person you care about. And while you are doing that, separate all the negatives of what he or she did from the actual person. I know we cannot fully ignore why he or she is in prison, but for most of you, you knew that person before they went to prison.<br /><br /> Think of that person that you love so much, or care about very much (for you pen pals writers), and think of something good you want for that person. What do you desire for that person? I realize most of you are thinking “for him to get out of prison tomorrow” but let’s try to work on something more practical.<br /><br /> If you care about somebody, you obviously have well wishes for that person. You don’t wish negative things on your son, do you? You are not sitting here hoping your husband or boyfriend catches “hell” while in prison do you? You want the opposite to happen, you desire something positive to happen to him or for him.<br /><br /> For some of you, it might be his case being reviewed or possibly overturn. For others it might be getting parole or probation. For others it might be for him or her to find peace in what happened. For some of you it might be that they may find God and accept Him. Still others might want their loved ones in prison to be safe, or to know that they have people out there that still love him. There are many things that you can think about that are positive upon your loved one.<br /><br /> In order to keep that positive feeling going, you need to encourage that person, to keep them positive and hopeful until that resolution you are hoping for happens. To encourage means to “give hope or confidence to”. You want to be able to support that person’s hope by keeping them focused ONLY on the positive.<br /><br /> “Does that mean to ignore the negatives in life?”<br /><br /> No, not necessarily. For example, if you have a husband in prison, and his mother gets sick, you cannot fairly ignore telling him this information. He needs to know. Often times there will be negative things that may not be too helpful to a person in prison. For some of you, it might be finances keeping you from making that visit that you were both looking forward to. You can’t ignore some negative things, but that does not mean you should never tell him. But if you do, you must focus even harder to encourage that person to hang in there.<br /><br /> Remember, to encourage is to give confidence and hope to a person. This is the reason I am writing these blogs, this is the reason I am offering these cards and prison encouragement certificates. This is what we need to instill before you send your loved one anything.<br /><br /> “But what if my encouragement is just false hope?”<br /><br /> Then you didn’t have faith in the situation to begin with. Simply put.<br /><br /> I want you to understand what I am saying here folks, you sending a person a card or anything with some nice sayings means NOTHING if you are looking at a false hope. It’s got to be REAL to you first before you can encourage someone else. You are a physical support for someone right now, but if you are not convinced of your strength in encouragement, then it isn’t real encouragement.<br /><br /> Just what is false hope? It is something you WANT to happen, but deep down don’t believe can happen. It’s like me saying I expect to buy an island near Tahiti by the end of the year…but I know deep down that won’t happen. That sounds foolish but is it any different if you are telling your son in prison that you are doing well, but spend every day reading sad stories on prison support sites and making posts about how nobody understands your pain?<br /><br /> What you are really believing, is that you are miserable.<br /><br /> You cannot give hope when you don’t have it. I have mentioned on some of my blogs that I need a new computer. Suppose one of my readers has the shell of one and decided to send it to me. They heard that I needed a computer and send me a computer with NOTHING inside…just the casing of the computer.<br /><br /> What good is that to me?<br /><br /> And DON’T talk to me about “it’s the thought that counts”! If you give somebody something that does not meet their needs, then you are not helping. That is not just for physical needs but also spiritual and emotional.<br /><br /> False hope works in the same way, in that on the outside it appears to be something of value, but once put to the test, it always fails because it isn’t what it was supposed to be.<br /><br /> Is any of this making sense to you guys?<br /><br /> I am trying to get you to look at a negative situation and find some hope and faith to help someone you love. We’re not talking about perfect people but last I checked, nobody walking this earth right now is perfect anyway. We all screwed up at least 100 times this year. But I need you to understand what it’s going to take to help that person you care so much about. And it starts with you being encouraging to that person, to help him see that there is hope. I need you to give that person confidence that there IS hope.<br /><br /> But hope is not enough…you need faith too.<br /><br /> You have to believe not only that things can get better for that person in prison, but it also WILL get better. But what are you banking that on? For every hope you have and give, there has to be a credible source for you to believe in, or else it is just false hope.<br /><br /> This is where faith comes in. If you have a son in prison, what are you hoping for? Now, here is where a LOT of moms miss it, because for most, when it comes down to it, they are too busy worried about their son or daughter to even hope for something. The same goes for a lot of wives and girlfriends too.<br /><br /> You can’t have faith unless you have hope…and you can’t have hope if you are too busy mired in the negatives of the situation. So many people look at the fact that their loved one is in prison, and never really start to address how they can help that person. So many people talk about “nobody knows my pain” or “I don’t know what to do” or “I have never been in this situation before” or “I don’t understand what is going on” or “I feel so lost and terrible.”<br /><br /> You notice the common element in those statements…YOU.<br /><br /> To be sure, this is a very difficult situation, but often times we get so caught up in our own problems that we cannot possibly see that there just might be some solutions. And the moment you start to believe there ARE solutions, you start to hope. The moment you start to hope is when you are in a position to encourage. All this stuff works together, you cannot separate it and think a simple card is going to patch things up.<br /><br /> Let’s use me as an example. I know I could probably use one of the numerous emails I get as an example, but since I kinda know me a little more, I don’t mind using myself.<br /><br /> I am offering prison cards, prison encouragement certificates and other products for those looking to help encourage their loved ones in prison. WHY? Because I want to help. I believe I can help encourage others because I have a hope that I can be of valuable service to people who have no hope. But what is my hope based on? What results am I looking for?<br /><br /> I am hoping that a mom in Denver, or a wife in Miami, or a girlfriend in Beverly Hills or a pen pal in Boston (and all points in between) can find the strength to help a person sitting in prison or jail to believe that things can get better. As a guy that has gone through this, I know how valuable this can be. But I can’t give you that encouragement if I didn’t believe it myself. I could write a couple of blogs and lie to myself that I am helping you, but if it’s not in my heart, then there is no way I could keep writing as I have.<br /><br /> So this is not about false hope…I DO believe I can help. But what is it based on? Why do I believe that you can help that loved one in prison? What am I banking it on? If there is no true source, then I am fooling myself…and you too. I base the substance of my hope…that being faith… on what I have experienced.<br /><br /> There is no question that God has helped me more than I can count…and we all know I am not on the top 100 Christians list. But I have seen more than once that there is a SOURCE you can count on to help you in difficult situations. I have learned that with just a little faith, and some patience, even the darkest times can change. In short, I believe that a person with faith that God can help them get through this will indeed have the substance to hope, and if to hope, then to encourage.<br /><br /> I can offer these cards because I have faith that my hopes to help are strongly supported. When I create these cards, or write my blogs, or answer emails, it is with faith that I can help someone who needs it. It’s not just about, “give me some money and I will send you something”. I’ve got to really, really care about you to do as much as I have. And this goes for you towards your loved one. You’ve got to really, really care about that person in prison.<br /><br /> That means you can’t go around worried all the time. That does not mean to ignore it, hey, we’re all human. You’ve read my blogs and know that sometimes I get ticked off…I have feelings too. But the key is not to reside in that situation, to always find a way out by being positive and encouraging. There are millions of inmates that need to hear that right now.<br /><br /> All this stuff works together. You must have faith in something before you can encourage somebody, otherwise it’s just false hope. It’s like if your boyfriend asks you to scout around for some possible jobs when he gets out, and you never look into it, but in your letters you keep saying, “I hope you can get a good job when you get out”. Well what good is that when you aren’t helping to solve that problem? We KNOW he can’t do it from prison, that’s why he asked you for help. But if you don’t help him, why give him false hope when you have not applied faith to it?<br /><br /> The moment you start believing that things can change for your loved one is the moment you can start encouraging with power. You can do that because you are convinced that things CAN get better. And when you’re convinced, it is easier to convince him.<br /><br /> “Yeah, but what if he does not believe it?”<br /><br /> I didn’t say it would be as easy as PIE, I said it would be easier. Remember you are fighting a feeling of negativity that breeds like a swarm of mosquitoes…that place is called prison. An inmate in prison is fighting incredible negativity and doubt and unbelief while he is incarcerated. Add on top of this his depression, stress and guilt, and you can understand why it is so critical for you to be able to help this person to see hope.<br /><br /> I say this to lots of people when I used to post and I think many have not fully accepted this fact: YOU have far more resources to stay positive than he does. It is amazing how some people will wrestle you to the ground just to try to prove that people on the outside have it harder to find hope than those on the inside. You can’t tell me that for one second. <br /><br /> Right now, if I really feel burdened with something as of 12 noon, on a Friday, sitting here in front of my computer, I have MANY options…if I choose to take them. I can go outside for awhile and cool down mentally. I can walk to the park, buy me a soda and think about some stuff. I can email some friends and talk to them. I can CALL some friends and talk to them. I can go see a pastor or some minister and express my problems. I can talk to my family about it. I can go online and look for help (or certain BLOGS). I can just stop, go in the living room and hook up the Xbox 360 and play some games. I can pop in a movie and watch it. I can turn to Cartoon Network and get some laughs. I can go to the mall and window shop. I can do a lot of things to either take my mind off the problem for a moment or find a solution to it.<br /><br /> But if I was in prison, my options are very limited. Far more limited than if I was free. People don’t get that, and many don’t want to get it. They want to let the world know that they are having a horrible time and it is worse than their loved one in prison….<br /><br /> Would you want to change places? I didn’t think so.<br /><br /> Now this is not to belittle your problem, I never said you didn’t have a problem. I said that you have many more venues to fight it than one in prison. Because of this, you have many more opportunities to find hope, and to strengthen yourself. This is critical because if you can do that, then you become the source of encouragement to one in prison. Why is this important? Because a man or woman in prison may or may not be able to accept positive thoughts…to some it’s just a wish to them when they are surrounded by negativity. That’s one reason why sometimes guys reject hope and faith and encouragement.<br /><br /> That’s why some may not believe your encouragement. So what do you do, give up and just accept the worst…or do you keep giving him encouragement?<br /><br /> Well…what are you gonna do?<br /><br /> Lots of people get impatient with a loved one in prison when things are not changing the way they want, and they give up on them. Remember folks, if you are going to instill hope and encouragement, it might not happen on that first letter or card…it may not happen on the 10th letter or card…but if you keep working at it, he or she is going to see that you apparently have a strong sense of hope, and for you to continue to send these cards or certificates or letters must mean that YOU see something they don’t see. It shows that you are not giving up on them, and that fact alone can give a person a sense of hope.<br /><br /> Now, I also understand that many times inmates don’t do their part, and in fact take advantage of others. This is different from what I am talking about. There are some guys in prison that never cared about anybody but themselves, and this kinda hope does not work with them because they are not looking for your well wishes…they are looking for what they can get out of you. I am talking about guys in prison that are not perfect, but deep inside have a good heart. They WANT to believe, but are surrounded by negativity and it makes it very hard to find hope…you have to keep working on them to get them to see that there is hope.<br /><br /> Remember, that is what encouragement is…to give hope. It’s kinda like wiping out a debt. If you owed $5000 and were making payments to erase it, you don’t stop after the first payment of $100 do you? You can’t sit there and think that one payment of $100 is going to clear a $5000 debt. You have to keep working on it, chipping it down and being patient until you do clear that debt.<br /><br /> Encouragement works the same with in prison. There is such a huge debt of despair in prison that it’s going to take a bit of work to get that inmate to see positive things instead of only negative things. That means you can’t give up if it does not bring immediate results… you gotta keep working on it. And keep this in mind too, that “debt” of negativity differs from person to person. For one person, he might accept the encouragement on the first card or letter, and cling to it like his last chance. For others it might take longer, or a lot longer, because there is a lot of “debt” to chip away before he starts to believe that there is hope.<br /><br /> And here’s something else about being positive, it is ATTRACTIVE. People like being around those who are positive. I remember when I was in college I heard that in a poll of people we least like to be around, the number one answer was “people that kept complaining”. I mean, think about it, would YOU want to be around people that always complained? Well, think about the opposite of that. Wouldn’t you want to be around people who were always trying to see the better side of things?<br /><br /> A guy in prison actually said that of me once. He was having some hard times trying to get a transfer to a closer prison and he had a lot of burden on him, and I talked to him about how we can find some solutions to help him (see, even as inmates, we have to help one another).<br /><br /> I remember one time we were outside on the yard and he said to me, “you know, it’s hard to be down when I’m around you”. But you want to know the greatest irony: I was miserable.<br /><br /> My life in prison had not turned into some blossom of blessings, and I still had major questions about God making a way for me while in prison. But I never told anyone about that; this was between God and me. But on the outside I tried to be as positive as I could, and that is what made me “attractive” to other inmates.<br /><br /> (not in a physical way guys…)<br /><br /> People are always looking for sources of hope, something to believe in. And to those that give it, they become lights in a dark place. This is why it is so important for you to understand just how much power you have when you encourage your loved one. Once you buy into the fact that things CAN get better, you can build off that in your encouragements to your loved one….but you have to believe they can get better.<br /><br /> ALL this stuff is just a part of why I write these blogs or provide my cards, encouragement certificates and my prison books. I believe I can help. I believe you want to help someone in prison. If we both work together, we just might be able to instill some hope in that person’s life. Never mind that he or she is in prison, the purpose of prisons (as they say) is to punish and to rehabilitate….it’s the second part we are trying to do, not the first.<br /><br /> So I want to provide a package to those who first believe that they want to help a loved one in prison, and second for those who believe what I am sharing. If you are not sold on either of those conditions, don’t bother me. Don’t email me out of curiosity, because you’re wasting my time…and yours.<br /><br /> But when you come to the conclusion that you have someone in prison that your heart longs to help, and if you believe that this crazy nut on the other end of this blog really does believe that he can help, then email me. Ask me about my card packages or prison encouragement certificates or my prison books. I’m not gonna add you to some spam list or try to hit you up for some cash. I will do my best to email you back and discuss your email, or if I get enough emails on the same subject, I will just blog it because it helps everyone.<br /><br /> Give it some real thought, just like you would before entering someone’s home. You just don’t walk in and start talking, you prepare yourself before you go in. Decide if emailing me is something you want to do, and if so, do it. But before you do, make sure you know that you want to help someone in prison. When you get to that point, and are ready to encourage your loved one, you’re already made a huge step in the right direction.<br /><br /> Oh well, I could write 50 more pages on this, but let’s cut it there. Email me at derf4000 (at) embarqmail (dot) com.Nolaw97http://www.blogger.com/profile/02288903303317764466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3059552666555892068.post-65385595493123402022010-06-04T13:52:00.001-07:002010-06-04T13:52:51.267-07:00#211 Not all cons come from prisonNot every con is from prison<br /><br /> Its been several days since I wrote a blog, but not since I have been writing. I got a lot of emails from people who were wondering how I was doing, since I had not posted a blog in many days.<br /><br /> I got some cool emails from people thanking me for the blogs, and some new support from readers who have been following my works. A few members were (or are) from the Daily Strength prison group, and wondered why I have not shared anything there lately. Truth to tell, I think I am wasting my time there. Where there is far too many people talking about problems, and none commenting on positive discussions, it tells me that many there are not in the real frame of mind to help a loved one in prison.<br /><br /> It is a really blind way of going about this folks, if you go to any prison support site for help, you must first be LOOKING for help. If you come looking to talk about your problem, you may well often step right over a possible post that could help you, or at least point you in the right direction.<br /><br /> It really bugs me when people go out of their way to complain about a situation, when there may well have been posts that could give them a sense of hope. I can understand if there were NO posts there that were helpful, but I did my best to share a bunch of retro blogs there, in an effort to help if I could. But it seems to me that more people are willing to talk about posts based on a negative than one based on positive. One person has a post there called “I am leaving this site” and there were about 20 comments on it…but I had at least 5 retro blogs about staying positive, having faith and things like that, and no one made a single comment on those. To them, it just was not important…<br /><br /> (Don’t worry folks, I’ll get to the title in a sec)<br /><br /> When a person is in that frame of mind, finding help is going to be hard. Oh sure, you will find LOTS of sympathy posts, because they are a dime a dozen. Anybody can say how sorry they feel for you because it does not cost much effort. But to talk a person through a hard situation, giving them options and faith, takes a greater sense of effort…something many people are not willing to do, for fear that they might build up someone’s hope.<br /><br /> Then why are YOU at the site? <br /><br /> It kinda burns me when I see so many posts by people talking about their problems, and you can tell many of them didn’t even TRY to read some of the positive ones. If they did, they would have either made a comment in faith on that post, or looked for that person to ask for some advice or some help. When you are LOOKING for solutions, that is what you do…when you are looking to complain, you will end up ignoring solutions because the problem is greater than the solution.<br /><br /> So I have greatly dropped the number of blogs I share there, maybe once every 2 weeks, maybe once a month now is what I will do…why waste my time there if more of them are geared to complain than looking for solutions?<br /><br /> Ok, now, about the title….<br /><br /> The last few days I had been working on creating new prison cards, new documents and things to send when people order my books, or if they are looking for such products separately. I also got started with a project I hope to continue working on, a project about scriptures for inmates.<br /><br /> The idea is to take a scripture, and talk about it by making a card, encouragement certificate, short document and perhaps another document, and putting it together as a package. I worked on it and did one, using Psalms 34:4. You’d have to find out what that is, and think about what that can mean to an inmate.<br /><br /> I also created several new cards, such as a single document on “Doing Time”, a card on “your part in faith”, a card on “finding peace where you can”, a single document on “getting through the storms” and a card titled “key to my heart”.<br /><br /> These and many other things I did the last couple of days, which had me feeling pretty good. Its always good to accomplish stuff. Now I need to get it out to the readers, so maybe I can make some income from it. <br /><br /> Later in the day I am playing video games (yeah, that’s right, I love video games!), and I heard my mom on the phone, talking to our phone provider, CenturyLink. It seems she was very displeased at the bill she got in, which was higher than she has had in many months. I listened to her talk to one of the Century Link “agents”, trying to understand why her bill went higher when they promised to lower our bill.<br /><br /> Let me back up a couple of weeks and fill you in…<br /><br /> We have service with CenturyLink and Time Warner, both providing us with internet service, but on separate computers. A couple of weeks ago, we started getting phone calls from CenturyLink, but I have this protocol that I do when it comes to phones…if I answer the phone, and say “hello” and I hear an automated call, I hang up.<br /><br /> Further, if I answer the phone, and say “hello”, I expect to hear someone talk to me…after all, YOU called ME, not the other way around. But what I REALLY hate about these phone services (and others) is that they call you using the computer, and they are not necessarily on the phone. The computer calls you, and when you pick up the phone, THEN they know you are on, and might be ready to talk. To me, this is a lazy and cowardly way of doing business. If you want my business, talk to me like a HUMAN being, not a computer.<br /><br /> So when I get a call from CenturyLink and say “hello”, I hear a click, as if my call had been transferred to somebody, and then somebody picks up and says “hello” in that tone that I called them…so I have to respond “hello” again, as if I was secondary on the call.<br /><br /> I hate that folks…it shows very poor business tactics.<br /><br /> So I hung up when she said “hello”<br /><br /> Simply put, if you’re not treating me like person, don’t call me. Especially if you are calling to sell me something.<br /><br /> This went on for a few days, as I was more than happy to hang up if they did the same thing…and often did. But one day I figured to let them talk, and to, if given the chance, express my disapproval of how they contact prospective clients.<br /><br /> So one day I allowed them to talk, and the lady tried to act cordial and asked me how I was doing, I said “doing decent”. And she wanted to talk to us about how we can save money with CenturyLink. This was when I expressed to her that I am not sure if we are interested, based on how they contact us.<br /><br /> This allowed me to explain to her how I felt about people like CenturyLink using automated calls to solicit business, which I felt was very wrong. Again, if YOU want MY business, talk to me like a person, don’t put me on some list on the computer to automatically dial when you want to make a sale.<br /><br /> The lady admitted exactly what I accused her of, which is using an automated program to contact clients, it was just how they did business at CenturyLink. She apologized for that, and we talked for a minute or two, then she got into her reason for the call, which was how we were supposed to be saving lots of money if we bundled or did more with CenturyLink.<br /><br /> Because mom pays the phone bill, I had to delegate such authority to her, when she was able to call back to talk on the matter. So they did, and I suppose mom bought into it. I kinda tried to tell mom that those people at CenturyLink are only telling us what THEY want us to hear, and could be ignoring some of the details that we should know. The deals they were promising could easily be what Time Warner would offer as well. I just wasn’t 100% sure on it, but it seemed right to want to save money.<br /><br /> So we did, as mom also was talked by CenturyLink that if we dropped AT&T on our long distance, we would save a lot of money with CenturyLink…I mean it seemed a good idea. So she did.<br /><br /> Which takes us to today…where mom is NOT happy with the bill. We would have been better off sticking with AT&T than paying on the bill we got. Why, CenturyLink is even charging us for wireless, when we don’t have a wireless modem! I sat there in the living room, hearing how stressed mom was, and likely how CenturyLink was feeding mom a line to explain why our phone bill is MUCH higher than it was last month, when we were not as relying on CenturyLink.<br /><br /> It was then that the thought ran through my head that not all cons come from inmates. Society is willing to believe that 100% of every inmate that has ever done time is a con man, but we completely forget that many of these multi-million, or billion dollar companies are sometimes dishonest.<br /><br /> I mean, CenturyLink did exactly what many of those phone providers would do…tell you what YOU want to hear, to sucker you in to their program. They make promises of saving money and how it would be so much better than this or that. But the idea behind these calls is to get you to switch so they can get more money out of you.<br /><br /> This creates a very undermined idea, and wicked, sense of “help”. They are not “helping” you save money, they are trying to get more of it. And I don’t say this just for CenturyLink, this likely goes for all of them, because the bottom line is money. Now, this is not to imply that they are all evil, not at all. Even businesses that twist the truth have employees that may well be good honest people.<br /><br /> The problem with this is that a good person can actually talk to you in good faith about a product, but once they have done their job, the business can go a different direction with your faith, and exploit it. We know this is true because the same person you talked to in order to sign up for that plan has virtually no power to help you if you have questions with your bill. They can do nothing about it, because that was never in their power to begin with.<br /><br /> Think about it this way too…when they call you, they want fast access to you when it comes to getting your money…but Heaven forbid if you need to call them about a problem…how many of you tried to call those folks and get rerouted to several other places, or put on hold and things like that. They call this “customer service” but there is certainly nothing good about it.<br /><br /> These things made me wonder…what am I going to have to do to convince people that they can trust me when I ask for support, or to sell my books, cards and the like? The very word “trust” when it comes to business is so overrated that it is a farce. Its like the businesses that like to tell you they are family owned. It’s like, “come see us at Jones Furniture, the FAMILY store”.<br /><br /> What’s that got to do with anything? Well, it implies that a family owned business would never cheat you…and we buy it up. I suppose its far better than:<br /><br /> “come see us at Jones Furniture, the only store in town run by an ex felon”.<br /><br /> We all know what kinda business they’d get if they said that…NONE.<br /><br /> So the stigma of trust is perverted based on stereotypes. Half of Wall Street had parties from the tax dollars we gave to save them, but nobody is really crying foul about that…I mean, it wasn’t like they were ex felons….<br /><br /> (said a moron)<br /><br /> But the mere idea of an ex felon starting a business will send shockwaves throughout the town, because it just isn’t right for a criminal to have a business…<br /><br /> (said the same moron)<br /><br /> Sometimes I struggle with it, because believe me folks, I have stuff I WANT to share with you. If you have read every blog on my site to this point, we still have not even scratched the surface of what I can share. It would be no problem for me to drop another 20 or even 50 retro blogs right now, if I really thought it would help. They’re already written, and have been for quite some time. <br /><br /> I’d create another 20 new prison cards, or 50 more prison encouragement certificates or write 100 pages of a prison issue if I knew that I knew it would touch the heart of a bunch of folks…and also to generate some money for me so I can make a living.<br /><br /> But we just can’t get past the “con” of an ex felon. 100 people will read this, but maybe one or two will respond, meaning the other 99 or 98 will not be moved to do anything. Now, you don’t HAVE to do anything, it is always your choice, and I do not require anybody to send me anything to support my blogs. It has to be of your own choice, preferably after I have won you over.<br /><br /> But it means so much when I DO get the support, because I know I am on the right path. I can’t quite buy that yacht yet (which is odd because I can’t swim if something happens to it..), but I do want to get to a point where I can supply people with prison works that can inspire and give hope.<br /><br /> That was the whole idea when I originally started writing, but when I saw that I can go further with this, I tried to look at it in a more entrepreneur venue. I mean, it just seems like a win-win. I write books, cards, certificates, documents and blogs, thereby helping others deal with a loved one in prison. I earn an income, and thus can do more to enjoy life, but also to fund my prison issue projects, thus allowing me to do greater works than before. I get support and the cycle increases. It makes perfect sense. Or at least I thought it did.<br /><br /> I guess I am upset that I am really, really trying to do my best to help you guys, and I know there are a lot of you that have supported me, and for that I know I am on the right path. I truly, truly appreciate your help, and I will continue to blog. It just bugs me that I have to walk through fire to prove myself, but businesses like CenturyLink can intentionally mislead potential customers by withholding information that directly affects their bill, and hide behind a phone when the customer is not satisfied with the bill, ESPECAILLY when they promised a lower bill. <br /><br /> As the title says, not every con comes from prison. <br /><br /> Anyway, I better go, time for a soda. If you are interested in supporting my blogs, or want my “Grades of Honor” books, or prison cards or prison encouragement certificates, let me know. I always add a couple of freebies with every order. If you just want to support my blogs with a few dollars, trust me, I appreciate that. <br /><br /> Until then…Nolaw97http://www.blogger.com/profile/02288903303317764466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3059552666555892068.post-43304581007458815262010-05-30T16:25:00.000-07:002010-05-30T16:26:04.142-07:00#211 Top 3 Prison blogs, chapter 3Top 3 Prison blogs, ch.3<br /><br /> <br /> I say “chapter 3” because its like my third installment. I am trying to keep an eye on the blogs that people are “hitting” so I can have an idea of what I may need to talk more on.<br /><br /> I’ll get to that in a moment, but first off, my best wishes for all those who have, or had, service men and women that are either serve to protect our country, or those who lost their lives doing so. With Memorial Day being tomorrow, I have to give my respects to those in the military. My dad, and two brothers were all in the military, and I knew others that served in the military. We as a country don’t say it enough, but thanks for all you do.<br /><br /> Another thing, I have been working on my “Grades of Honor” books and cards, and had several people ask me for them. I am printing some out for them, and also was fortunate to receive some financial gifts from two people. Its like I feel so empowered when people believe in me, I almost get overwhelmed to not let them down when I blog.<br /><br /> I got a card from a grandmother in Indiana, who has a grandson in prison, and she worries so much about him. She told me she has been reading my blogs, and really appreciates what I say. As she puts it, I don’t sugarcoat anything, which is what she really needs to hear. I try not to hide things from you when we talk about prison, but the greater goal is to encourage you, that no matter what I say that sounds negative, I have to try to give you hope that this is something you can overcome.<br /><br /> I got a couple of emails from some people that asked about how should their loved one carry themselves when they go to prison. There is a lot of stereotypes of guys thinking they should walk into prison and pick a fight with the biggest, toughest guy in the prison…folks…that can get you killed.<br /><br /> That is terrible advice, because you are not the “star actor” in the movie…this is quite real. If a guy is 350 pounds and there for a double murder, doing 99 years, trust me, that is NOT the guy you are going to make a name off of. I emailed a couple of people talking about how they can “carry themselves”, but if you want me to blog it out, I can do that.<br /><br /> Also, I got an email from a wonderful reader who has been very concerned about going to prison. The last couple of months I have been sharing what I could to build faith with her, and I am confident that with God all things are possible. But her last email to me had me thinking, what else can I do to help her. So I told her I would write a blog and talk about it. It’s called “Fighting the Hopeless Times” and the idea was to write about 5 to 8 pages then drop the blog up here…<br /><br /> But it got REALLY long.<br /><br /> I jotted down the points I wanted to make, and when I finished, I looked at it and thought…wow, this is gonna take at LEAST 50 pages…<br /> <br /> So that’s what I am gonna work on. I am going to work offline on this document titled “Fighting the hopeless times” with the target of breaking any doubts that God CAN, rather than God MIGHT. That’s the goal, and I am writing it in the prison issue genre. I will likely send her parts of it as I go, but I am not sure I will put it on my blogs unless I get a flood of emails from people wanting to read it. If not, what I will do is maybe put it in short book form and make it available just like my books and stuff.<br /><br /> OK, now we got that out the way, let’s get to the top 3 blogs off my blogsites last week:<br /><br /> #3 Post # 201: Faith for a felon or ex felon:<br /><br /> This is a retro, or older blog, and I wrote 8 pages of this to help those that are having trouble building faith. Now, I know I am not the most religious person in the world, but I can say with God as my witness that I do know a little about faith….as we all do. But many of us don’t apply it when we need it.<br /><br /> The foolish argument is that inmates or ex felons don’t have faith…this is insane folks, and only based on a carnal self righteous opinion. Yet it is important for an inmate or ex felon to have faith, in fact critical. I mean, you want him to be safe right? That requires faith. You want him to do his time as best as possible right? That requires faith. You want him to be able to get out of prison and get his life back right? That requires faith. And when I say faith, it has to be in GOD, not in man.<br /><br /> This is not to say that you don’t believe in man, it is that you give greater faith to God. It is a lesson we all need to work on, including me. But that blog obviously got some of you looking for something, so if you need me to talk more on it, then maybe I can talk more into it another time.<br /><br /> #2 Post # 32: Should you send inmates money?<br /><br /> This has continually been a big concern for a lot of folks, because it is apparent that a lot of you have a loved one in prison and you wonder if, and how much you can send him. If you really consider this, there is a lot of different ways to look at this, and there is no single answer. There is no true “yes” and there is no true “no”. This really is a tricky question to answer, and it would depend squarely on your situation.<br /><br /> This is not meant to deter you one way or the other, but I also don’t want to encourage you to email me about specific details about your loved one. I don’t want to be in a position to judge, if I can help it. <br /><br /> And I know this really is a major subject, because this particular post has been one of my most read blogs that I have put up. For that reason, I wonder if there are other ways I can address the situation. But if you want me to discuss that further, let me know. Maybe there are some angles I have forgotten and might be of a help to you, and others that are looking for answers.<br /><br /> #1 Blog #206: Sending inmates money: the DARK side:<br /><br /> This is by far my “hottest” blog last week. And the thing is, you can tell by the blog number how new it is. I am on I think #211, and usually it takes awhile before newer blogs start getting read by many people.<br /><br /> This is a very touchy subject because whereas the previous blog talked about the general nature of sending money to inmates…this one talks about the hazards of doing it. More than once I have had people ask me about a situation where it seems that the person they were sending money to might not be honest with them.<br /><br /> It really is a hard subject for me to talk about, because in doing so, I may well be pouring cement on my own feet. This is because some who think inmates or ex felons are all crooks are going to naturally assume I am one as well…guilt by association.<br /><br /> And it does not help that I often talk about supporting my blogs, buying my books and the like. But this is indeed a very tough subject, one that is important to blog about. I get emails from time to time from people who give me a scenario, and ask if they can trust the inmate to send money to. Remember folks, every situation is different, and not all inmates are crooks. <br /><br /> If you asked me if you could send me $100, I would say “sure”. But if you sent it to me, and found out I bought some video games with it, would you think any less of me than the day you sent the money?<br /><br /> Now, if you sent it to me because I said I needed to buy ink, and would use your money to buy myself some ink for the printer, so I can print some cards, certificates and books, then I would be misleading you if I turned around and bought some video games…but if 3 or 4 people sent me $100 each, then I could easily buy what I need, and have money left over to do something to make me happy, or help my mom.<br /><br /> Yet if I mislead you on what I would use it for, you might get the idea that I was never honest in the first place. This is a very delicate thing that I could apply to inmates in prison, because the belief MIGHT be that once you are stung, you may believe you were always being stung….this is not totally true.<br /><br /> It is very possible that the first time, or first few times, you sent an inmate money, he might have used it wisely and exactly as he said. But money is addictive folks, you tend to like it, and want more of it, especially when you are flat broke. In prison, it can be easy for even a decent guy to get attached to a person who sends him money. But for every guy who honestly is thankful for money, there is one that is scheming to get more and more money from you. If you have a loved one who always seems to have an excuse to need more money, stop and think a bit. After all, its YOUR money, right?<br /><br /> Anyway, those were my top 3 blogs of last week, the plan this week is to write more on that blog I was telling you about, to get some cards and prison encouragement certificates ready, and to fill a few orders of my Grades of Honor books.<br /><br /> I’ll be honest folks, when I did a post on “Do Prisons Lie”, I had so many interesting emails from it that I might have to get back to “Grades of Honor” part 4. There is sooooooooooooooooooo much I have not shared with you guys, and if you are new to my blogs, there is soooooooooooooooooo much I wrote in the past that I need to share with you. <br /><br /> We have much to talk about, if you are willing to listen. Until then…Nolaw97http://www.blogger.com/profile/02288903303317764466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3059552666555892068.post-73540252838212690502010-05-28T10:17:00.000-07:002010-05-28T10:18:09.656-07:00#210 Prison Testimony of OnePrison Testimony of One<br /><br /> Before I begin, make sure you take the time to read, “Do Prisons Lie”, because it has apparently been a hot topic of late here on my blog.<br /><br /> I got several emails from people who appreciated the detail of my discussion, where I talked about how prisons intentionally twist the words of the rules to say what they want it to say, to defeat the arguments of inmates.<br /><br /> Now I am not ignorant, in that sometimes inmates whine about things that are not worth arguing about, or that inmates themselves can twist words to try to make a federal case against a prison.<br /><br /> On example was when I was at Pasquotank Correctional, and during Thanksgiving, the prison served us a great Thanksgiving lunch…technically it was lunch, but it really was the traditional Thanksgiving dinner, just served at lunchtime since it required much preparation, and was easier to serve by preparing in the morning than in the afternoon.<br /><br /> Yet one guy in our dorm was whining about how he felt the portions weren’t enough, and wanted to write a grievance about it. I remember thinking to myself, “this guy is an idiot!”. He actually tried to solicit many of us to write a grievance because the Thanksgiving meal wasn’t enough…oh come on!<br /><br /> So I know that sometimes inmates make up silly reasons for a grievance, and obviously that kind of argument would not float for a second on paper. But not all grievances are that frivolous. Sometimes inmates have a point to make, but all too often, the prisons reject the voice of the inmate, purely because they can.<br /><br /> The situation that happened to me at Robeson Correctional was a perfect example of how foolish a prison system can act instead of simply trying to make a resolution that benefits both sides of the prison.<br /><br /> Again, you might want to read that blog on “Do Prisons Lie” and in it you will see how detailed I was in my argument. But one thing I also remember about that time is how very stressed I was…almost on the brink of anger. It is a very hard thing when you are trying to voice an educated opinion, but the prison absolutely refuses to acknowledge that you have a brain.<br /><br /> So today, got some emails from people who appreciated that blog, and I decided to look for some more on this issue. Remember folks, I saved almost EVERYTHING I wrote while in prison. Several years ago I sorted all my works in prison based on the camp I was on. I put them in separate folders and wrote the name of the camp on that folder. That way, if I wanted to talk about Tyrrell Prison Work Farm, I can go to that folder (or folders) and pull it out and see all the things I wrote while I was there. Anything from grievances, journals, letters or anything else, I kept. In this case, I looked for and found the “Robeson” folder.<br /><br /> Because I was not at this camp very long, the folder wasn’t as big as my “Pasquotank” or “Tyrrell” folders. I was at Robeson less than 2 months…have to check my notes to give you a more exact time frame.<br /><br /> But there are lots of things in it that trigger a LOT of memories. I found a few of the rejected grievances, still intact, that the prison improperly rejected. I have letters from the DOC, the NC Prisoner Legal Services (which is a complete joke), and other people I wrote to.<br /><br /> But what I also found was something interesting…something I forgot I wrote.<br /><br /> A self written document titled “Testimony of One”.<br /><br /> I wrote this document either while I was at Robeson, or after I was kicked out and sent to Dan River Prison Work Farm, in Yanceyville, NC. In fact, after looking at the end of the document, I am pretty sure it was written while I was at Dan River, because there are points that indicate my removal from the prison: as such, I would not have written this at Robeson if I had been removed.<br /><br /> So technically this belongs in my Dan River folder, but because it happened at Robeson, I guess I kept it there.<br /><br /> This document goes into EXTREME detail of what happened while I was at Robeson Correctional. If you thought what I talked about on “Do Prisons Lie” was detailed, you really have no clue.<br /><br /> Because I had forgotten all about it, I sat in the living room, looking at this thing I wrote years ago. It actually wasn’t uncommon for me to write a document while in prison, I had actually written several on different prison issues. But what was so interesting about this one was the length…<br /><br /> 25 Pages!<br /><br /> Wow, I must have been some kinda pissed!<br /><br /> But you know, just reading it almost puts me right back on those days, and it also includes the internal stress and frustration that came with it. Even now folks as I am blogging, I am almost feeling the same way I felt when I was going through those times… and it is not a very comfortable feeling.<br /><br /> I cannot explain what it was like, a very, very stressful situation where you feel there is nothing you can do, but you simply cannot give in. This was quite literally pure persecution, because there was no reason why Robeson Correctional, and DOC in general would fight me so hard for such a simple request. They clearly was NOT going to give me an inch, simply because I am an inmate.<br /><br /> I didn’t ask to get promoted, I would have been fine staying in medium custody, but the prison system says that moving from a higher security level to a lower one is a “promotion” meaning it is something that is earned. You don’t promote a guy doing 100 years to minimum custody inside of his first 3 weeks in prison. You don’t promote an inmate to minimum custody if he is known to start fights. It has to be earned.<br /><br /> I hated minimum custody folks, I would have been so much better if they left me alone, and let me do my time in medium custody. I didn’t bother anybody, I did everything as best I could, and no officers had any problems with me. Ironically, it was also during that time I hated God…go figure.<br /><br /> Now, if you read “Grades of Honor” you know the details of that, and you also know that after awhile, I went back to God, but that was when everything changed, and I was “promoted”.<br /><br /> I was no longer in my safe zone, with everything going well, I was now in a new environment, which was different from what I was used to. It was also more stressful. But this new environment triggered me to start doing what perhaps I was meant to do… write about prison issues.<br /><br /> But this came at many hurts. I was being “removed” from one prison to the next, not because I was breaking the rules, but because the prisons didn’t want to deal with me. From one prison to the next, I was bounced around. The document I wrote, “Testimony of One” was based on what happened at Robeson.<br /><br /> As I read it a short while ago, my intention was to share it with you, word for word. That was when I thought it was a few pages… but when I saw I had written 25 pages, I was like, wow, no way I can do that today.<br /><br /> And what was also happening was that as I was reading, I was getting back all those emotions, and the newness of the anger really bothered me. I am being honest folks, I was upset at how deliberate the prison was treating me. <br /><br /> There is a section in my document where I talk about Case Manager Teresa Jones, and I tell you folks, I have rarely been so angry to want to do something to somebody. I was so angry …..<br /><br /> Let me back up and share that part with you folks.<br /><br /> In the middle of this document I wrote, after I was having my grievances rejected one after another, I was called to the office of Case Manager Teresa Jones…I have absolutely NO respect for this person for what she did.<br /><br /> The idea was to discuss to me why they kept rejecting my grievances. This was not really a discussion, but a brow beat down. She told me that grievances are a privilege and are thus “optional” and if the DOC decided to do away with the inmate grievance procedure, there was nothing that we as inmates could do about it. She was clearly implying that by such foolish ideas, the prison didn’t have to acknowledge the grievance procedure if they didn’t want to.<br /><br /> I countered her by stating that in Webster’s dictionary, the word “privilege” was defined as an EARNED status, NOT optional. But in the middle of my counter, she cut me off and said, “Don’t play schematics with me”.<br /><br /> Mind you folks, this was a discussion just between me and her, in her office…if ever there was a possibility to provoke rage, that would have been it for me. I am very sure it was the grace of God that kept me from doing something that I would have regretted, and likely something DOC would have been glad to punish me by.<br /><br /> Can you imagine how I felt, in that office, when this lady cuts me off on my discussion to impose her superiority? It was clear that I was not supposed to make a case, only to take what they tell me and like it.<br /><br /> She continued to belittle me by saying that until I learn how to write a proper grievance, they will continue to reject it, and coldly handed my grievance back to me. I took the grievance and bitterly left, but before walking out, I said, “expect another grievance”.<br /><br /> I was so upset, so angry that my hands were shaking. I knew I had a valid point, and I also knew that Robeson was not going to even try to admit that maybe I had a point. This wasn’t even about the grievance procedure, this was about control of an inmate.<br /><br /> Even now folks, I can feel some of what I felt back then, and my hands almost shake in anger as I type this. So you can imagine how I felt then, while being spit in the face by people like Teresa Jones.<br /><br /> The easiest thing to have done was to quit, to just resolve that no matter what you do, there are people on DOC that just refuse to acknowledge you as a human being. They are people who feel they have a God-ordained mission to persecute every inmate by total denial of any help.<br /><br /> But I could not quit, I just could not. As angry and depressed and stressed as I was as I left the office of Teresa Jones, I KNEW I was right. I had a right to write that grievance, I knew the rules and knew I could have written about that situation because it involved me as well. But what do you do when you have the doors closed in your face, with people laughing at you?<br /><br /> It seemed like the situation was hopeless, and I was powerless. Like most inmates, you start to believe that there is nothing you can do, but suck it up and do your time as best you can.<br /><br /> But I didn’t stop…I just could not.<br /><br /> Call it ignorance, call it determination, but I was not going to let the camp beat me simply because they say they can. The truest foundation of rehabilitation is when an individual resolves to do his best to change a situation, to do GOOD things, even in the face of apparent defeat. Inmates need to learn that you simply cannot just give up because DOC says you are wrong. This is the same story that they tell society, and many politicians tell the public, and although there might be some truth to it, it only served to stereotype every ex felon who tries to make amends on their faults.<br /><br /> We don’t forgive, because we are taught NOT to.<br /><br /> But for every inmate, there must be a time where he or she is willing to press on, even with absolutely no proof or chance of winning. That sounds like insanity, and maybe to many of you it is, but there was just something about this situation, and many others like it, that may have defined what I was trying to do.<br /><br /> If I had never been a writer, or a good one, I certainly would not have continued in this situation; I would have given up. If I had never started writing journals while I was in college, I would never have written so much while in prison. And if I had never believed in God, I would have believed that there was no way I could win this fight.<br /><br /> Those things, and likely many other characteristics, had to have played a major role in how I was going to react to this situation. But all those factors came together in me to influence what I would do. Do I give up, and hate the authority and try to do my time as the average person would, or do I fight for the little I have left in me, which is my dignity. I might have just been an inmate, and a lowly one at that, but I was determined that no officer in DOC was going to outright lie to me and make me accept it. I was not bending my knee to these people, not this way.<br /><br /> So after being so rudely dismissed from Teresa Jones’ office, I did exactly what I said I was going to do, I wrote another grievance. I wrote a journal about the situation, so that I would not forget the details, and kept it with my belongings. This was now a fight, a war if you will. Robeson was determined to undermine all my grievances, and had the backing of the DOC. All I had was me…<br /><br /> And God.<br /><br /> Sounds blasphemous to say that? Not really. The way Robeson conducted the grievance procedure was nowhere near righteous, nor fair, nor constitutional. I don’t mind being wrong if one can fairly and accurately point out the reasons for the rejection, but as I detailed in “Do Prisons Lie”, what the prison were clearly doing was twisting those words, and thus clearly obstructing the procedure.<br /><br /> The huge disadvantage on my side is that in theory, nobody believes what inmates say, because DOC encourages the public to think that all inmates do is whine and cry and make excuses. It reminds me of a guy I talked to in the mall a couple of months ago who mocked a guy that said he was innocent while in prison. He was like “yeah right”. I told him that sometimes that can be true, as there was an article about a guy that had to be released from prison after doing 30 years, when they found that his DNA was not a match…<br /><br /> Sometimes inmates can be telling the truth.<br /><br /> Or when a disciplinary officer tried to tell me to not trust inmates, because there are no “friends” in prison. He obviously believed that no two inmates could find enough respect for one another to consider another a friend. His belief was to not trust any other inmate, to which I REALLY wanted to counter, but somehow, I kept my mouth shut.<br /><br /> When society believes the worst in inmates, it makes it very hard to hear them when they are telling the truth. We’ve been condition to not care, and this is quite true with it even comes to prison employees.<br /><br /> All this translates to the frustration I had, as written in those 25 pages. I arrived there on a retaliation, and was eventually shipped out on another retaliation. And each time I tried to make an educated point, through letter or grievance, the DOC would ALWAYS side with the prison, sometimes sending me in circles that if I had a problem with the grievance, maybe I need to write a grievance.<br /><br /> How stupid is that?<br /><br /> So it may well have seemed that I fought against the prisons, losing every battle. No one ever gave place that I MIGHT have a point, but that what DOC did was appropriate. And because I was limited to information, I had to go off what I knew, and any info I might be able to find from fellow inmates.<br /><br /> It would seem I lost those battles, because I never got resolution from those issues…but then, here I am today.<br /><br /> If I didn’t go through those situations, if I didn’t write them, if I didn’t save them, and if I didn’t have faith that I could endure, there is no way I could have shared what I did today. When I shared that blog about “Do Prisons Lie” I got a lot of emails from people who found encouragement that an inmate CAN make a difference. And understand this folks, even if it meant be being labeled a “troublemaker” by the prison, I had a lot of respect from the inmates, because they believed that if there was a problem, I would do my best to try to find a solution. In the course of my incarceration, I had many inmates ask me for some help, whether writing a grievance, or writing letters about things that concerned them. I wasn’t everybody’s friend, but I know that from my actions and not willing to fold up when DOC snapped their fingers, I had actually earned respect from other inmates.<br /><br /> Today, what I write can reach anyone, rather than when I was in prison, and limited to whom I sent a letter to. So the things I suffered through at camps like Robeson can be shared so that you can be in a position to understand it, and hopefully, to know wht to do about it. Just because I didn’t get a resolution does not mean you can’t. In fact, knowing what I went through gives you a greater advantage. If Robeson was to try that stunt again, you have a ton of information available to you. You can write letters and forward them to DOC, public officials, the media, and even blog about it on the internet. The huge advantage you now have is that in my case, DOC was able to suffocate my problem, seeing that it never got out, and thus able to control it entirely. But from a citizen, that cannot be so easily ignored. <br /><br /> The prison might not care at all about the plight of their own inmates, but I wager they must listen to a credible letter written by someone that thought the situation through. Remember folks, prison officials are accountable to public officials, which are accountable to the VOTERS.<br /><br /> You have a powerful voice, if used the right way.<br /><br /> So I hope to maybe share “Testimony of One” but it is quite long. I am thinking of writing it out as a separate document, and making it available with my books or cards, have to think on it.<br /><br /> Anyway, I will try to relax today, reading that document really spiked some feelings for me, but that very feeling is one that a lot of you may feel. I am confident if I was to continue to share prison issues like this, many of you would get a strong idea of how to help your loved ones. Maybe I’ll do that in the future. At any rate, email me or make a nice comment, until then…Nolaw97http://www.blogger.com/profile/02288903303317764466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3059552666555892068.post-15474967330976195562010-05-27T09:31:00.001-07:002010-05-27T09:31:47.988-07:00#209 Too Much or Too LittleToo Much or Too Little<br /><br /> Its almost 11:30am as I share this, and I just finished rereading the blog about “Do Prisons Lie”. I went to bed late last night, after writing it, wondering if I did something good in sharing that.<br /><br /> Usually when I write a blog late, or during the evening, I think about what I shared before I go to bed. I wonder to myself, did I do a good thing, did I help somebody?<br /><br /> This is important because often times when I blog, I have to wonder if anybody is “getting” it. Not in a bad or ignorant sense, but in a way that I wonder if I am making a strong enough impact on my writing.<br /><br /> The foundation of sharing blogs is based on the idea that I believe I can help you understand a little about prison, and to encourage you by building some hope, then building faith. If I can do these things, then surely I am doing the right thing.<br /><br /> But the blog I wrote last night was indeed a direct attack on the prison system, and the inability (and apathy) when it comes to inmates. The problem I have is that those inmates are YOUR loved ones. And as one that was once there, I know how very frustrating it can be when the prison ignores their own rules simply to make your incarceration as tough as possible.<br /><br /> This bothers me because the idea of prison is to also rehabilitate a human being, to “point him” in a better direction. Society expects every inmate to walk out of a prison with a halo around their head, and to walk on water and heal the sick…but those same people who expect that will most often refuse to give that same person a job, but will sit right there in front of the church pews singing about “Amazing Grace”.<br /><br /> And on the other side, in the prison, you have administrators who are not interested in the slightest idea that SOMETIMES an inmate can be right, that they have the ability to reason and to make a point. These administrators like to keep all the inmate problems “under the roof” so that they are in complete control of the thoughts of the inmate, while telling society how terrible these people are.<br /><br /> Stuck in the middle is the inmate, who seemingly can’t win for losing.<br /><br /> Now don’t get me wrong, there are LOTS of people in prison who I would not trust a wooden nickel to, but not every inmate is like that. Many guys and women made a mistake, and wish they could get a second chance. Some are decent people who had a set of bad circumstances or made a bad decision…I wager lots of YOU are imperfect too.<br /><br /> So its hard for an inmate to try to make a stand for himself when so much is against him. This is what I encountered while in prison, with excuses from DOC about the rules, when they were clearly not interpreting them correctly.<br /><br /> I wrote that blog in high emotion, because I do remember how I felt when I got that letter, and others like it. You try to do right, you try to help others, and the prison punishes you for doing the right thing. Its not what THEY want you to do, but it clearly is the honorable and respectable thing to do. A polar opposite from what the prison wants, because they want to be able to control every facet of the inmate, including his individual thoughts.<br /><br /> So I wrote that blog, making accountable the individuals that made my life that much harder than it should have been. They have no right to make my incarceration any tougher than the sentence alone. No administrator in ANY prison has that right. But yet there it was, and it happened often.<br /><br /> I went to bed after that blog, wondering if I overdid it, or if I did the right thing. Will anybody care about what I wrote? Will it help anybody? Its sure to tick off some administrators of DOC, but so what? I went to bed not really feeling so accomplished.<br /><br /> I sat in a chair in my bedroom, and wondered, “Did I do enough today”? It really concerned me, because I am hoping I am doing a good thing, that if God Himself was to judge me, then He would (hopefully) say that I am on the right track. Did I write out of selfishness, did I write to glorify myself, did I write out of emotion, rather than wisdom?<br /><br /> It kinda got me worried, because when I start going down that lane, I am no longer any good to anybody in my blogs. I have to try to give you my best, because in that I can help you, but also in that I am really hoping to earn an revenue this way. It has to be done in good faith, to help others, if this is to work.<br /><br /> So I was worried a bit, wondering if maybe I over did it, or maybe not enough. I think it was about 2am, maybe a little later, when I got up and went to the bathroom. Our house was very quiet and dark as I went to the hallway leading to the bathroom. On the way, I noticed one of our face trimmers…you know, one of those rechargeable hand held grooming kits for men. I had it on the rechargeable stand, and there was a small green light, indicating that it was recharging, or recharged.<br /><br /> That green light seemed like a beacon in the pitch black, almost so that I had to squint my eyes. Its funny, during the day, that same light is on, and nobody takes notice at all, you barely see it, nor notice it. But in the darkest time, that tiny light seemed like it had 100 watts.<br /><br /> It was then I was reminded of something, something I had heard before.<br /><br /> Sometimes the things we ignore and think are insignificant can often be of tremendous use in the right circumstances. In the darkest of times, we don’t need a big flashlight to cut through the night, sometimes the smallest of lights is enough.<br /><br /> Prisons are very dark places folks, and prison issues, to be sure. I believe that God understands that, and also that there are millions of people who pray for help, whether they be inmates, or parents of inmates, or husbands of inmates or pen pals of inmates or anyone with a loved one in prison. I cannot imagine how many prayers have gone up to God for someone in prison. Hundreds of millions I suppose, maybe billions of prayers.<br /><br /> Surely God has received them.<br /><br /> But in a very dark place, who does He send to help people? I mean, whom shall He send, if NOBODY wants to go? You do understand that He works through people, so He is able to move through others to help others. But in a very dark place such as prison, it seems hard to get help, because after all, prisons are places for the condemned (carnally speaking).<br /><br /> Prison support sites are full of people with problems, seeking help, prayer and miracles. Prison support sites can often be just as dark as the prison themselves, because there are few “lights”.<br /><br /> But I think we forget how God works…in that while we are looking for some 1000 watt search light to blast away the darkness…God often works with the very simple, the things that the carnal mind would clearly overlook, and ignore.<br /><br /> In the darkest of nights…even a single candle casts a powerful light.<br /><br /> In my house last night, that tiny green light was actually less than a single candle. You can’t read by that light, it was just too small, but in the middle of the night, with everything off, it was bright enough to cut through the darkness. In fact, although a weak light, it was bright enough to cause me to squint for a second or two.<br /><br /> In a brilliant show of wisdom, this is how God can get us to help one another. Sometimes folks, I kick myself for not being able to do more, some days I really want to write more, to do more, so I can help you. But sometimes I just feel…well, bland. Not lazy, because I love writing, but sometimes I have to work myself to share a blog, or to write about a specific subject. I know I can do much more, but I don’t. <br /><br /> I don’t want to overdo myself, but I want to give you my best. So sometimes I wonder if I did enough for you. I think that little green light reminds me that even if we give a little, in God’s hands it is much. I say this knowing I am not perfect, but I say this with my heart. I am doing the best I can to help you, to give you hope, to build some faith, but in the whole scope of things, it seems quite small.<br /><br /> Sometimes I wonder, if I am really doing a good thing, then I should be prospering, after all, you shall know a tree by the fruit, right? When I started blogging a couple of years ago, I thought I would soon be financially secure, jet setting across the country, taking nice cruises, and sipping ice cold smoothies….<br /><br /> I don’t drink alcohol folks…<br /><br /> So sometimes I second guess myself because as much as I have written, perhaps it was not enough…or perhaps too much, in that maybe I was being too brash in what I say. Its like I am knocking my head against a wall in an empty room.<br /><br /> But I know that can’t be right, I get emails and comments from people, people say “God bless you” about some of my blogs, I have people asking how they can support my writings…surely if there is a God, then I am on the right path. Maybe not the perfect path, but surely a good path.<br /><br /> So last night I thought about it, and that little green light. I suppose I am like that tiny green light…not very much, and during the day, of no value to anybody. But it is possible that maybe God put me in a position, in the midst of darkness, where that tiny green light can cut through so much of the darkness, giving a little bit of hope in a dismal situation.<br /><br /> God does not need much to work with, just a willing participant, and anyone will do.<br /><br /> And light is a comforting thing in the darkness, we naturally feel a little comfort when we have some light…not TOO much, because I can’t sleep with all the lights on, but you know what I mean.<br /><br /> We need more tiny lights in the prison genre, more people to believe that as bad as things are, it can get better. We have to start believing in something positive, instead of expecting or preparing for the worst. So many people have prayed to God for things, but for some reason, they must have believed that God doesn’t honor prayers if you have a loved one in prison…that isn’t true at all.<br /><br /> We have to encourage one another to be that tiny green light in a very dark place. It might not seem like much to you, but in the right position, it can be a tremendous source of power….<br /><br /> Hmmm, reminds me of something the Bible said about God’s grace, and how it is perfect in our weakness…hmmmm….maybe another blog….<br /><br /> If I can help you to build some hope, and to encourage your loved one, even a little can mean so very much. This is why it is important to curve the panic mode, and to try to build a foundation that you can get through this. This is why I talk about prison, because it gives you the idea that I can understand what you are going through, because I have lived through some of it.<br /><br /> And if I can get you to believe that, then hopefully it can give you a sense of hope, and maybe give you a good nights sleep. If we can get you there, then we can continue to build hope inside of you, so that you can start to believe that things can get better. If you build that hope, you start to believe in the positives, NOT the negatives. If we can get you there, THEN maybe we can build your faith to believe that God can…or rather, has already heard your prayer, and already has the answer.<br /><br /> These things can’t happen if you are focused on the darkness of your situation, it just won’t work. When I read posts on “Daily Strength” from people in panic mode, I say to myself, “did they even TRY to read the post I put up about staying positive?” Or did they just skip over it, determined to “speak their mind”?<br /><br /> I say again folks, I am no saint, I am not perfect, I can’t walk on water. But I DO believe in God, I have seen miracles and for some strange reason, I keep writing these blogs. In fact, as I was kinda reminded to myself last night that my blogs seems to be getting longer…<br /><br /> Its strange, because the more I write on prison issues, it seems that my posts are actually longer in length. And yet, it does not seem to bother me so much. Its like I spent an hour or 90 minutes writing, and its not a big deal. <br /><br /> So maybe I am just a very small speck of light in a very dark genre. So few people talk about prison, and it is evident when we look at prison support sites. I have been rejected by DOC officials, prisons and prison support sites. But I am still convinced that I am doing the right thing, or as best I can. Not everyone will agree, and to be sure I have been heavily criticized for what I say, but I have also had many nice comments and support. <br /><br /> Have I done too much, or too little? Maybe I have said too much, but even in that, I have not nearly scratched the surface of what can be discussed in prison issues. For that reason, I believe that there is much more to share. <br /><br /> I hope you can bear with me on this.<br /><br /> Anyway, gotta go, email me if you want to discuss prison issues or want to support my blog, or interested in my books. Until then…Nolaw97http://www.blogger.com/profile/02288903303317764466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3059552666555892068.post-36716698601420732312010-05-26T22:05:00.000-07:002010-05-26T22:06:11.289-07:00#208 Do Prisons Lie?When Prisons Lie<br /><br /> How is everyone tonight…as I am starting this blog about 11:37pm.<br /><br /> Before I continue, let me remind you about my “Grades of Honor” books, and cards and prison encouragement certificates. I also encourage you to email me to ask questions about prison, and to ask how to support my blog, it means a lot to me.<br /><br /> I mentioned before how I kept almost everything I wrote while in prison; tonight I am going to use a situation that is documented by me to show you how sometimes a prison will lie to cover their own behind. The basis of this is that we have to sometimes remember that when your loved one gets in trouble while in prison, the prison will almost always take a stance to defend itself…even when it is clearly wrong.<br /><br /> Near the end of my incarceration, I wrote a grievance and letters to some of the members of the NC DOC, in an attempt to get some answers. Now, at the time I wrote this, I was at Dan River Prison Work Farm, in Yanceyville, NC. What I am about to share with you is directly from the letter, and letterhead of the DOC.<br /><br /> The reason why I am sharing this is because there is almost no check or balance when the prisons screw up. I mean, we understand that prisons have “bad” people in there, and I understand they are there for a reason (some of them), but when the prisons cover up their mistakes, they completely fail in the rehabilitation of a human being. If they won’t own up to their mistakes, how can you expect an inmate to do the same, if they live under the roof of a department of correction that lies to the inmates?<br /><br /> The situation was this: as you know, I had been kicked out of Robeson Correctional, as I mentioned in some of my past blogs. One of the reasons was that the case manager at Robeson kept rejecting my grievances. It implies that Robeson Correctional assumed that I was some dumb idiot who didn’t understand nor comprehend the English language.<br /><br /> Remember folks…I have a degree in Radio and Television from college…I know a LITTLE something….<br /><br /> So I kept writing grievances, they kept rejecting them, until they realized I was not going to stop…so they kicked me out of Robeson, sending me to Dan River.<br /><br /> Now folks…this is something very interesting. If inmates knew they could get a transfer by writing grievances, they would be burning the ink up sending grievances daily! I mean, if THAT was all it took, then every inmate trying to get out of a camp would be doing that. But that is not true, prisons make it almost MANDATORY that you be there at least 6 MONTHS before you can get a transfer…how was I getting one in a few weeks?<br /><br /> Robeson said that I could not handle the camp, that I wasn’t able to fit in….folks, remember, this is not a guy (me) that was starting fights, cursing or breaking rules…I did nothing wrong on this camp for them to say I could not “adjust”. But because I was writing grievances, they tried to refuse to acknowledge them. When I would not relent, they kicked me out.<br /><br /> So now I’m at Dan River, angry for how the camp took the cowardly way out, rather than trying to address the grievance. So I write to the NC Department of Correction, the Division of Prisons, on this matter.<br /><br /> The following is what I received, word for word, dated June 7th, 2001:<br /><br /> “Your letter to the Chief Deputy Secretary of the Department of Correction has been referred to my office for review and reply. I have reviewed this matter and found that staff has acted appropriately.<br /><br /> The rejection of grievances on March 14th, April 1st and April 5th 2001 were appropriate. The grievance you filed on April 6th was accepted on April 9th, 2001. I have reviewed the Step One and Step Two responses to this grievance (43040-01-056).<br /><br /> These responses are appropriate. Your actions were disruptive to the orderly operations of the facility and it was in the best interest of all that you be transferred.<br /><br /> I would encourage you to do your best to make a successful adjustment at Dan River Prison Work Farm. Additionally, if you are unclear about the legitimate and authorized use of the Administrative Remedy Procedure, staff at Dan River will assist you. You may not write grievances for other inmates.<br /><br /> I hope this response clarifies the matter for you.<br /><br /> Sincerely, <br /><br /> Dennis R. Rowland, Special Assistant to the Director”<br /><br /> Copies of this letter were sent to the Director’s Office, a Mr. Shane Ellis, Ralph Stamey and one put in my inmate file.<br /><br /> I am going to guess off the top of my head that Shane Ellis might have been the warden at Robeson, and Ralph Stamey might have been the warden at Dan River…I can check that to verify but I won’t do that at the moment.<br /><br /> Now, according to the letter, Mr. Dennis Rowland claims that I don’t know how to write a grievance, that the three I wrote were not according to procedure, and that Robeson felt that I was being disruptive to the facility.<br /><br /> The basis of his argument was in his last statement, which I am about to rip apart…”you may not write grievances for other inmates”.<br /><br /> Folks…this is misleading, and I will prove it to you.<br /><br /> To understand how Mr. Rowland was twisting these words, you have to jump back to what grievances I was writing. While at Robeson, a number of kitchen workers (including me) were concerned about the lack of sleep we were not getting. We wanted to write a grievance so that we might be able to get another hour or so of sleep, especially the morning shift, which wakes up about 4am.<br /><br /> A lot of guys didn’t have faith that the prison would honor the grievance, since they always find ways to reject the grievance. So I told them that if I wrote it, all they had to do was sign it, and we could turn it in.<br /><br /> So they did, and I did. The force of a pack of grievances worried the prison, and they needed to make a decision…answer the grievance, or reject them. They chose the latter.<br /><br /> Their argument was that a grievance cannot be written for another inmate. This was why they kept rejecting any grievance I wrote on behalf of another inmate. This is what Mr. Rowland seems to be saying, but Mr. Rowland did not pay attention at all to the rules of the Remedy Procedure, which he has accused me of being ignorant of.<br /><br /> What the NC DOC has done is something most prisons do…they twist the words to say what THEY want it to say, but in doing so completely destroy the foundation and trust, and intent of the word.<br /><br /> Now, before anybody from the NC DOC starts whining, there IS in fact a part of the grievance procedure that says that an inmate cannot write for another inmate…in fact it is actually written on the grievance procedure as one of the 10 things that a grievance can be rejected for.<br /><br /> But if I may, let me quote word for word what this says:<br /><br /> Section F of the Administrative Remedy Procedure: Remedy for another inmate. <br /><br /> This clearly implies that as an inmate (which I was) and by the biased thinking of Mr. Rowland and Robeson Correctional, that I cannot write for another inmate…sounds right…it isn’t.<br /><br /> Read those words CAREFULLY….”Remedy for another inmate”.<br /><br /> If you allow a person to twist words, they can make it mean what THEY want it to, when the truth is that it does not say what they are implying.<br /><br /> This is much like the Bible, or God’s Living Word. If God said something in the Bible, there cannot be a contradiction to it somewhere else in the Bible. If you read it carnally, you can likely find things that LOOK contradictory, but spiritually if you read it, it all flows and makes sense. It all agrees with everything God says. For a word to be true it has to agree with the rest of the genre in which it is written on.<br /><br /> God’s word simply cannot contradict itself, otherwise God is a liar…and He is not. The same goes with anything else, including the rules and policies we live under. If they contradict, then the foundation is not true…or the person misinterpreted it incorrectly.<br /><br /> As I said, the Remedy procedure clearly says that a grievance can be rejected if it is of a remedy for another inmate. So it might appear that Robeson was correct in rejecting my grievances, and Mr. Rowland and NC DOC was correct in siding with them, and then scolding me of being ignorant to the procedure. He justifies the prison kicking me out because I wasn’t going by the rules, and was a problem to the facility.<br /><br /> But there is a MAJOR flaw to Mr. Rowland’s assumption…simply put, he was not quoting the policy accurately.<br /><br /> True, the grievance procedure says that an inmate cannot seek a remedy for another inmate…in fact I still have my “green book” of the NC policies, and on page 25 it discusses the types of grievances that will not be accepted. As quoted in the book, page 25:<br /><br /> “Grievances will be rejected whenever inmates seek to challenge:<br /><br /> (f) seek a remedy for another inmate.<br /><br /> Now again, this SOUNDS like Mr. Rowland and Robeson is correct, that an inmate cannot seek a remedy for another inmate…but folks…that was NOT what I was writing in the grievance.<br /><br /> Remember folks, I wrote those grievances FOR those inmates, and they signed it as their own.<br /><br /> “It’s the same thing, isn’t it?”<br /><br /> Nope, and if you believe that, you would have been misled as well. NC DOC intentionally refused to acknowledge the intent of the rule, and twisted it to make it offensive. There is a difference is writing a grievance for an inmate, and writing to seek a remedy for another inmate.<br /><br /> Let me give you an example:<br /><br /> Let’s say I was one of the kitchen workers, and wanted to write a grievance so we could get a little more rest after our work is done. As a kitchen worker, I could easily write one myself, but what if one of the kitchen inmates is illiterate. What if they didn’t know exactly what to say? If an inmate does not have the ability to write a grievance, he can ask somebody else to write one FOR him. <br /><br /> If however, I was NOT a member of the kitchen crew, and felt it was my duty to write a grievance about the situation, seeking remedy for those guys, then THAT is cause for rejection.<br /><br /> Folks…do you see the difference?<br /><br /> NC DOC implies in that letter, and in misleading the rules, that an inmate CANNOT write a grievance for another inmate…that is very incorrect. In fact, by NC Policy, it is perfectly legal. Need proof?<br /><br /> I have with me from the NC Administrative Rules the entire section on the Inmate Grievance Procedure. See folks what inmates have in our booklet is a FRACTION of what the rules say, and inmates have been hostage to the information the prisons do not tell us. In section .0302 it talks about Accessibility of the grievance procedure.<br /><br /> Under this section is section A, Communication of the Procedure. There are 3 sections under this, which discuss how inmates are to have access to the procedure, and how they may be able to communicate this grievance procedure.<br /><br /> The first part says that BY RULE, the grievance procedure is supposed to given to all inmates when they first enter prison, and the procedure should be available any time an inmate needs one.<br /><br /> The second part is like what Mr. Rowland suggested I do, to get assistance by the staff of the prison. He implies to me that since I don’t know anything, the staff at Dan River can help me understand how the grievance procedure works, since I am too stupid to know how it works.<br /><br /> But here’s the third part of this section….and get this….<br /><br /> “Inmates may obtain assistance in completing their grievances FROM OTHER INMATES where classification and housing assignments permit.”<br /><br /> This is the rule folks, it’s in black and white.<br /><br /> By POLICY, inmates are allowed to help one another to complete their grievance, as long as they are in the same housing area. That means inmates in the SAME dorm can indeed help one another when it comes to writing the grievance.<br /><br /> Now, compare the two rules. Mr. Rowland and DOC says that I cannot write grievances for other inmates…that was his exact words. But the POLICY says I can indeed write a grievance for another inmate if he needs help. <br /><br /> Don’t get lost here, because this is how DOC completely ignores the problems that inmates have. Even if I write the entire grievance for a person, if he signs it, it is HIS. Even if he didn’t write the words, if he accepts them and signs his name to the bottom of that grievance, it is no different than if he wrote it himself.<br /><br /> You really need a spiritual eye to understand the intent of the rule, not a carnal one. If you have an inmate that is too old, or have a broken hand, or can’t read or write, is he then disqualified from ever writing a grievance because no one else can write a grievance FOR him…no.<br /><br /> That was not the intent of the rule at all. And DOC knew that.<br /><br /> There will be times that even inmates need help, and when they can’t get it from the prison (or when the prison is too busy jerking them around) they have to seek help from themselves. This is what I was doing at Robeson.<br /><br /> Many of those guys didn’t like the situation, and by rule, inmates have a right to write a grievance if it has something to do with the prison or other actions that are legitimate to grieve about.<br /><br /> The letter of the law with the rules was not to prevent somebody from writing a grievance for one who needed help, it was intended to prevent inmates from seeking a remedy in something that didn’t involve them.<br /><br /> If I wrote a grievance about how I felt it was unfair for Road Squad workers to be out there in the hot sun, then that can be rejected, because I am not on the road squad, and I am seeking a remedy for an inmate and a situation I am not a part of. But if I was a member of a road squad of 5 guys, and they all felt the same way, I could BY POLICY, write a grievance for each of them, and if they sign it with their own name, it should BY POLICY be treated like 5 separate grievances…plus mine.<br /><br /> When you look at the rule the way it was intended, you can see that Mr. Rowland was not very honest in his “appropriate” action.<br /><br /> Its funny, because right under that rule is another that most prisons don’t respect, which is the availability of the procedure. By POLICY it is supposed to be posted throughout the unit and the prison…I don’t think I ever saw that on any prison I was on, I’ll bet money on that.<br /><br /> So IF my being removed from Robeson was supposedly based on the idea that I was disruptive, we have to go back and look at this again…was I disruptive because I was breaking the rules? Of course not, if so I would have been quickly put in the hole. Prisons are often merciless when it comes to inmates making mistakes, or even if the prison THOUGHT they made a mistake…heck, it was why Sanford correctional removed me from their camp and sent me to the hole in Guilford!<br /><br /> But if the basis of my being removed was not against the rules, then by Mr. Rowland’s accusation, it was because I was ignorant of the policies. But we just discovered that his interpretation was extremely prejudiced and quite ignorant. No way was he going to side with a CRIMINAL over prison staff. Inmates can never be right, even with common sense.<br /><br /> But again, if this theory he had of me is now seen as incorrect…then what was the TRUE reason for sending me away? The idea that I could not adjust is garbage folks, this is PRISON. You don’t get a pass for not being able to adjust, you know that! Tough luck if you can’t do your time, just sit there and deal with it. There are THOUSANDS of inmates across the country that can’t “adjust” to prison, are they being moved around? NO.<br /><br /> So the idea of me being moved can’t be because I could not adjust, but he also said that it was in the best interest of the prison to move me. He said my “actions were disruptive” to the facility.<br /><br /> Folks…read between the lines here and see if you get what I am saying….<br /><br /> I was being disruptive, but by the NC Administrative policy, I was clearly within my rights to help other inmates write grievances, and was charged with no wrong doing…tell me again what did I do wrong?<br /><br /> And if I did nothing wrong…how then can this be disruptive in prison?<br /><br /> If I was wrong, I would have gotten a write up, or put in the hole. Neither of which happened while I was at Robeson. I have NEVER requested a transfer, so it wasn’t like I moved up the list, and by most policies of NC prisons, you have to be there at least 6 months (whether you like it or not) before you can request a transfer. I was at Robeson about a month and a half.<br /><br /> So tell me again what I was disruptive for, that they had to remove me from the prison?<br /><br /> The entire basis was that I was writing incorrect grievances, but we now know that this was not true at all. Every grievance I wrote was clearly accurate and on the mark, and by the book…it was just that Robeson Correctional refused to respect the rules and acknowledge the problems of the inmates.<br /><br /> So the end result seems to be, that if I didn’t do anything wrong, and there was no real need to remove me, then this could very well have been a retaliation…or a reprisal.<br /><br /> Interesting, because here is the rule about that:<br /><br /> “.0303 Reprisals: (a) No reprisal shall be taken against any inmate or staff member for a good faith use of or participation in the grievance procedure…”<br /><br /> And THERE is the foundation of the rules folks…GOOD FAITH.<br /><br /> This is what Dennis R. Rowland, the Director’s Office, the Department of Correction and the superintendents of those prisons completely ignored and refused. The rule of writing for inmates is based on both sides understanding the good faith of it, not the twisting words of it. In good faith I did what I could to help inmates who had a grievance by writing their grievances for them. They read it, accepted it, and signed their name to it. That made it THEIR grievance. By the policy I was clearly within my rights to do that for them, there is absolutely no wrong in what I did.<br /><br /> But DOC twisted the words to make it say the laziest thing they could, so that they would not admit that SOMETIMES the prison can be wrong. They were not acting in good faith of the rule. And by rule, it is against the rule to punish people for acting in good faith. Yet this is EXACTLY why I was removed from Robeson. This had nothing to do with my adjustment in prison, it was based on the fact that the staff at Robeson did everything they could to reject anything I wrote, and when they saw I was not going to stop, they had to get rid of me.<br /><br /> And sadly, the NC DOC sided with them, only because I am an inmate.<br /><br /> As the title says folks, prisons CAN lie, and do it quite often.<br /><br /> The cool thing about this is that I have all my letters, grievances and such from when I did time, and I have the words of these people who felt it necessary to belittle inmates simply because they were inmates. I am hoping I can get far enough in my books to share a LOT more of this, because there are many things that can be said about this situation, and many others.<br /><br /> When I reread that awhile ago, it was like I was fired up about it, as if I just received it this morning instead of almost 9 years ago. This is why saving all my works is so important, I can read what was said and almost be right back at that time when it happened.<br /><br /> Folks when that was going on, while I was being bounced from prison to prison for flimsy reasons, I had nobody to turn to, no one to write to. There were no blogs at the time (that I knew of) and my mom didn’t fully understand what I was doing. To her, it was easier to just do the time…I strongly disagree.<br /><br /> I love my mom, but mom did not understand the mental, emotional and spiritual aspects of doing time. She only saw the physical, and to her, it would have been easier to just endure it all and come home.<br /><br /> This is actually what a LOT of folks believe too, that if their son, or husband or boyfriend just do what the prison tells you, everything will be ok and you will be home soon. Uh…that isn’t realistic folks, but that is a whole different blog.<br /><br /> In retrospect, I think if God knows everything, He knew what I would do, and what would happen. I went through a lot of mess in those prisons, but through it I wrote about it, and tried my best to stay in faith. It was all I had at that time, because I had nobody else to talk to about these situations. Sure, lots of inmates sympathized with me, because they knew that prisons will always defend their own, but outside of that, I just didn’t have any help. It was just me, any rules I could find, and my extreme love of writing.<br /><br /> And maybe God knew that, because after all, here I am, almost 9 years after that letter, writing a blog about it for you guys. I think if Dennis Rowland or DOC knew that the things they told inmates would end up on the internet, told to thousands or millions of people, they might think twice about what they are saying. Surely, Mr. Rowland and DOC did not think I would be smart enough to save this situation, since inmates are too stupid to do anything, and would likely throw all the papers away, destroying all evidence of the prisons misapplication of the rules.<br /><br /> Well… I didn’t.<br /><br /> So, do prisons lie…absolutely. Yet the stereotype is that inmates are liars and cheats. I won’t argue that many do, but let’s not be foolish to think that prison officials are pure and righteous. If they think they can get away with breaking or ignoring rules, they will do it. So it is important for you to keep that in mind while communicating with your loved ones. Consider that next time your loved one talks about a grievance or a problem he is having with the prison.<br /><br /> Well, its after 1am, gotta go to bed, email me if you want to support my blogs, until next time…Nolaw97http://www.blogger.com/profile/02288903303317764466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3059552666555892068.post-35305214782257552392010-05-26T08:24:00.000-07:002010-05-26T08:25:11.098-07:00#207 Top 3 Prison blogs, chap 2Top 3 Prison Issues, chap.2<br /><br /> It is 10:37 am as I start this blog, and it has been a couple of days since I have blogged. I have been working on getting some orders for my books, and doing some small stuff. But I have done a lot of emailing the last couple of days, with people who have asked me about my works, and questions about prison issues in general. <br /><br /> Some of you that asked about my free prison encouragement certificates have likely received them by now, and a few have emailed me to let me know that they did. I appreciate that, glad to know that it got there in one piece, and also that they can be useful. Trust me, I have many more where those come from.<br /><br /> Today I wanted to talk on some of the issues I see people searching for, because it gives me a pretty good idea of what I should try to concentrate on. I try to take my cue from what people are reading on my blogs, and the emails I get. For example, one person emailed me about a concern at Dan River Prison Work Farm, in Yanceyville, North Carolina. I am pretty familiar with that place, because it was the last prison I was in before my release in 2001.<br /><br /> I am pretty confident that had my incarceration been longer, I would have been kicked out of there too, but because it was so close to the end, they asked me if I wanted to be shipped to a camp closer to home. Although that was more convenient, I was not really interested in that. To me, that does not make too much sense because the adjustment it takes at a new camp with the anxiety of being released can put double the pressure on an inmate. Its hard enough to just fit in on any camp, and once you get settled, you can find some sense of normalcy. So moving an inmate a week or two before his release to me just does not make sense.<br /><br /> Yet I had kinda been a “problem child” of the camp, which was why I was moved from Pasquotank, Tyrrell, Sanford and Robeson. I think they would have been more than accommodating should I had said yes. But I stayed on the camp until my release, wondering if they were really glad to see me go.<br /><br /> But that is another blog, today I want to touch on the top 3 most read blogs as of last week. I’ll count them down and talk a little about it, because each of these is a clear indication of what readers are looking for, and what concerns them.<br /><br /> #3 Post #33; Security Levels in Prison<br /><br /> A lot of people get confused with what prison is really about. They are so used to what television and society gives them, that they think that every prison is straight out of some television show about how horrible prison is. Now, let me not dilute this by trying to imply to you that NO prison is dangerous, every prison has that potential. But many people don’t realize that there are several different security levels that an inmate could be placed in.<br /><br /> The exact terminology will differ from state to state, but the highest security could start at what is called “Supermax” then “Maximum Security” then “Close Custody”, “Medium Custody” and “Minimum Custody”. Again, this can be argued as far as the actual terminology from one state to another, but I think most will agree that these are the basic security levels. Not every state has each of these security levels. For example, my state of NC does not have a Supermax prison, and right off the top of my head, I think there might be only one Maximum security prison, maybe two. But each security level allows for a different set of rules for the inmate; the lower the security level, the more that inmate has the freedom to do.<br /><br /> It seems that a lot of people may be concerned about what to expect with a loved one in prison. I tried to talk about some of the differences in that blog, I hope it helped.<br /><br /> #2 Post #206 Sending Inmates Money: The DARK Side<br /><br /> WOW, I just put that up a few days ago!<br /><br /> Apparently this really IS a major concern for a lot of readers, I wrote that blog about 3 days ago. This blog talks about the “dark” side about sending money to inmates. I try my best to speak for inmates when I can, but there are times where I cannot defend what some inmates do. This is one of those times.<br /><br /> What do you do when you have sent money, or have been sending money to a person, and now wonder if he is taking advantage of you? This is a much bigger story than people seem to think it is. Now, there are multiple sides to this story, the general argument to this might just be to blame the inmate entirely, but I say to you, there are different angles here.<br /><br /> Now, this situation does not apply to every person who sends inmates money, not at all. And it does not apply if you freely choose to send them money WITHOUT them asking. The blog is about inmates who are clearly communicating with you to send them money; whether by using guilt, sad excuses or anything that manipulates you to feel that you should send them money.<br /><br /> This is a pretty big issue, one I might have been able to write more on, and after I wrote that blog, I got a few emails from people with questions about their issues. Its funny because after I finished, there were other thoughts that came in my head that I could have talked about. It would seem that maybe we can talk further in this subject, because clearly a it is on a lot of folk’s minds.<br /><br /> #1 Post #32 Should You Send Inmates Money.<br /><br /> This by far has been the most searched issue on my blogs. But there is a difference between this one and the one we just talked about. Whereas the previous blog was about the negatives of sending inmates money, this one is the more neutral, maybe even more affirmative on the issue.<br /><br /> A lot of people that don’t know much about prison issues simply believes that inmates don’t deserve anything, which includes sending them money. While there are indeed issues on that, I believe that every single inmate is as different as you are, and thus the situations are always different. The way a 20 year old male in Texas doing 5 years does his time is different from a 40 year old female doing life in Florida. Heck, if you identified a 20 year old inmate in South Carolina, New York, Wisconsin, Oklahoma, California and Oregon, all doing time for a similar charge, each of their incarcerations will be very different from the other.<br /><br /> In short, no two inmates have ever done their time exactly the same way.<br /><br /> So don’t judge them all the same way. This includes whether to send them money or not. This is a very touchy subject, because on one side, I understand how important a few dollars can make during an incarceration. Having money while in prison really takes a strong edge off how you do your time, and if you have a loved one in prison, you want to do what you can to help him do his time as best he or she can. But at the same time, it is very easy, and tempting to want to receive money all the time while in prison. Most times it is because the inmate gets greedy, but sometimes….SOMETIMES, it is a very innocent flaw in the person. Let me give you a quick example:<br /><br /> When I was in medium custody at Pasquotank (last I heard they moved out all the medium custody from the camp and made it a close custody camp), I knew a guy doing life. He was a big dude, one of those stereotypical images of an inmate, who lifted weights all the time. But he was pretty nice…well, at least to me.<br /><br /> I asked him once if he needed any canteen, and he said yes. I mean, I had it to give, and he seemed nice enough, so I offered, and he accepted. I think we did that a couple of times, but he didn’t ask ME for canteen, I was offering to him. After awhile he had gotten used to me asking, and one day he came to me and asked if I could get him some canteen. At the time I had kinda run low on money, but he had now gotten to the point where he felt comfortable asking me for canteen. Was it his fault? Not really. My actions gave him every reason to believe that he could ask, and I would give. It wasn’t like he really NEEDED anything, but he had gotten to the point where he felt he could ask.<br /><br /> Sometimes the giver can be so kind to the receiver that it might innocently trigger such a circumstance. I know that sounds too flimsy, but trust me folks there is some reasoning in this. This does not apply to everybody, but it does indeed apply to some.<br /><br /> Anyway, that is an angle that implies that not all situations involving sending money to inmates is so one sided. It is very clear that this is a subject we have to talk more on, since the top two issues involve sending inmates money.<br /><br /> But that is for another time, today I will take some time to relax, print out some cards, answer emails and maybe blog some more later today. Remember, email me to ask how you can support my blogs, ask about my books, cards or prison issues. Don’t be afraid to ask a question, because often times the question you ask is likely one that many others have as well, but were afraid to ask.<br /><br /> Until then…Nolaw97http://www.blogger.com/profile/02288903303317764466noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3059552666555892068.post-53492105051067797752010-05-23T21:51:00.001-07:002010-05-23T21:51:52.979-07:00#206 Sending inmates money: the DARK sideSending inmates money: the dark side<br /><br /> I noticed that a lot of people have been reading some of my blogs, mainly ones dealing with sending inmates money. This seems to be a pretty hot topic to a lot of you, and in light of a recent email from a very nice reader, it seemed good to try to discuss it further with you guys, as best I can.<br /><br /> If you have read one of my blogs about this subject, you notice that I made a strong case as to why it can indeed be helpful to send inmates a few dollars, because it can really help with self esteem.<br /><br /> That sounds odd to many of you, but I honestly feel, as one who did time, that a few dollars can really help turn a bad day in prison to at least a decent one. Prison is hard enough as it is, and in many ways the inmates are like waves in the ocean, tossed here, tossed there. You go where you have to go, with little choice. This includes the meals and everything else.<br /><br /> But to get just a few dollars can really make a difference because it gives you the power of choice while in prison. There is something about being able to have a few dollars to buy something in the prison canteen….<br /><br /> Now note, there will be many who are not sympathetic with inmates that will laugh at these things, because you feel that “criminals don’t deserve nothing”. While there may be some truth to it, I strongly challenge any person saying that to work as a prison guard in a prison full of men with low esteem….see where that gets you.<br /><br /> I believe that an inmate with some money can build some self esteem, and have some power over how his day goes. For example, I am not a big fish fan. Never really liked it because one bone throws my whole meal out. So if we have fish for dinner in the prison, I feel down because it’s not something I can eat…but mind you, I will eat it if I have nothing else to lean on.<br /><br /> But if I had $5, or $10, then I know I have a choice. I don’t have to eat it because I can go to the prison canteen and buy something else. That power of choice gives me a better feeling about myself, because I am not bouncing with the circumstances; I have the power to change that.<br /><br /> So I argue with you that it is important for inmates to have money, because it can really turn a bad day into a decent one. I actually got a lot of emails and some comments from people who told me they were glad I shared that post, because it helped them get a perspective for their loved one, and it helped them understand that maybe it is a important to send them a few dollars.<br /><br /> Now…let me argue the opposite.<br /><br /> Lets talk about when you have to be cautious about sending inmates money.<br /><br /> This is important too, and for me to even blog this is very risky for me, because what I am about to share may paint a stigma about many inmates, which may be unfairly applied to me, an ex felon. But this is important to share, if you fall in the category of wondering if you should send money to someone in prison.<br /><br /> I have actually been asked this question a few times, and I have noticed a pattern in the behavior of certain inmates when it comes to this situation. We’re going to talk a bit about inmates who ask for money…and how to tell if they are sincere or not.<br /><br /> I may very well be shooting myself in the foot here, because I often ask for support of my blogs…as an ex felon, that is hard enough, but what I am about to talk about may make it harder. Somebody might already have a financial gift in the envelope, ready to send to me, but might think twice after they read this…<br /><br /> (please give me a chance to win you over before you do that)<br /><br /> So, the idea is, how do you know if an inmate is being honest when he asks for money?<br /><br /> Now, this can apply to any person that knows somebody in prison, but many times, it applies more to those who know somebody in prison. Although this CAN happen with relatives or close friends or relationships, it more often happens with inmates who make friends with those they have never before met.<br /><br /> Mind you, this is NOT all the time, so don’t pass judgment on somebody until you know for sure, but let’s talk about what you can do to make a better call on this situation.<br /> <br /> If you have someone whom you have sent money to, maybe once, twice or a few times, it might have been cool. I mean, like I said, inmates with a few dollars can really be helpful. But what happens when you start feeling indifferent about it? What if you don’t feel right about sending him money? Is it wrong to say no, or to wonder if he is using you?<br /><br /> Its hard to at first realize when you may have crossed that line from being kind, to be used, because it’s kinda gradual. I mean, if you wrote to an inmate, and if you sent him $10 the first month, then he asked for $500, that is a problem. That’s easy to detect, and it would be easy to make a decision to drop the con man. But in most cases it isn’t that simple.<br /><br /> In most cases, you find a person you want to correspond with, you write back and forth, and maybe you feel that you want to help him a little, so you ask if you can send him a few dollars. Or maybe in the initial stages he makes light mention of how he is waiting for his loved ones to send a few dollars.<br /><br /> No harm, no foul right? He didn’t ask you for a Rolex watch. What could it hurt if you sent him a few dollars? So maybe you found it in your heart to send the guy a few dollars, and maybe he truly appreciated it. Maybe he wrote you and told you how thankful it was, and maybe it made you feel that you were truly doing something good.<br /><br /> No problem.<br /><br /> But what happens if the amounts keep getting higher, or the requests for money start to become more frequent? What do you do when you find yourself saying, “I just sent him a some money last month, why does he need more?”<br /><br /> The initial thought that normally goes with this is that maybe this guy is conning you. I mean, how much money does a guy in prison REALLY need? And so you might now have questions, and decide to go online and see if you come across some answers…<br /> <br /> And then you come across some crazy guy name Nolaw97 who has been running his mouth about prison issues. You read his crazy post about whether you should send inmates money and you start to think, “well, maybe he has a point. If it would help his time better, maybe I can send him a few more dollars”.<br /><br /> Before you buy into that, create a mental checklist about whether you should send an inmate money or not.<br /><br /> Before you ever send any money to an inmate, one of the first questions is:<br /><br /> “Do I trust him”<br /><br /> The second is:<br /><br /> “Can I afford to send this”<br /><br /> The third is:<br /><br /> “Do I feel good about this”<br /><br /> The three questions may well save you a lot of headache if you are honest about your answers. Now again, I say to you, this is very slippery roads I tread on, because as a guy trying to make a living writing prison blogs, I do often ask for support. And I do get some from time to time, in addition to selling my books and cards. But I know as an ex felon, if 100 people read my blogs, maybe 2 or 3 will consider supporting me, even if all 100 were truly looking for help.<br /><br /> But there are times folks, when you have to determine if your gifts of kindness are honestly accepted and appreciated, or if you are being conned. Now, to give you an example, let me first give you some examples of what inmates might say to you in an effort to ask for money.<br /><br /> Some inmates will say that the food is nasty, and they need money so they can buy “real” food from the canteen.<br /><br /> Folks, that to me is crap, because I have worked for 3 different prison kitchens. Every meal might not be out of a 5 star restaurant, but they were decent to eat. Some inmates use that excuse to get people to send them canteen money.<br /><br /> Some inmates will say that they need to buy clothes, like shoes or boots.<br /><br /> This is partly true…prisons do sell shoes for inmates who can afford them, but you’d be hard pressed to find prisons that have inmates walking around in bare feet. Prisons are obliged to keep the inmates well clothed, and that includes shoes. Granted the shoes are not Air Jordans, or Timberland boots, but they are good enough. Some inmates just don’t like wearing prison clothes, and try to find a way to look different while in prison. <br /><br /> Some inmates will say they are trying to take a class, and need the money in order to be able to attend the class.<br /><br /> This is questionable as well, unless they can prove to you that they are indeed taking a class. Heck, I wanted to take correspondence classes in prison but never had the chance. In truth, it IS possible, but there are so many obstacles that it is highly unlikely. Sadly, many prisons just don’t like it when inmates try to better themselves, and the rules make it very difficult to do so.<br /><br /> Now, lets just say that a friend or person you know in prison has said one of those examples, and the amount he is asking is pretty substantial. Let’s say he is asking for $150. Let’s say you had sent him a few dollars here, some there, and notice that it has been slowly adding up…or maybe QUICKLY adding up.<br /><br /> First question…do you trust him to send that kind of money? In this case, do you trust this guy to send him $150. Well, is he good for it? Do you fully believe that he really needs that amount? <br /><br /> Second question…can you AFFORD to send him $150? Will this set you back or cause you to reorganize your financial status? Does this force you to have to cut back on something so you can send him that money?<br /><br /> And third question… do you feel good about sending him $150? Is there a strong feeling that you are doing something very good for a person in prison, or do you have second doubts about whether he really needs that money, or will use it in the manner you sent it?<br /><br /> If in any of those three questions you answer in the negative…do NOT send him that money. If you do not trust the inmate, do NOT give him that kind of money. Even if you have some trust, balance that with the money you send him. See, you might be able to trust him with $20, but not $200, even if you had it to give. Don’t let the amount you send exceed your trust in him, he has to earn that from you.<br /><br /> When I ask people to support my blogs, I understand that you have to trust me before you even decide to send me a dollar. If you don’t trust me, don’t send me a dollar, because I want you to be fully convinced that I am doing the best I can to help others. But understand, I didn’t say I was perfect. If somebody sent me a couple of hundred dollars for example, I might go buy a video game with some of it. You might argue my choice in how I spend it, but if it makes me happy, then I get encouragement to write even more. If I need to buy ink and paper, I will do that, but if there is a chance for me to enjoy just a little of life, then I would like to at least taste that. But you have to trust me before you sent anything, trusting that I am sincere in what I am trying to do.<br /><br /> If you don’t have the money to send, then do NOT overextend yourself to help an inmate. Folks, remember, they get fed, they have a roof over their heads, they have clothing and limited medical attention…trust me, they will be fine if they don’t get any money from you. Yes it is true they can do their time better WITH money, but no inmate should be putting anyone out of the way for their own selfish wants.<br /><br /> If you have $500 in your bank account, but got bills that need to be paid, then an inmate asking for $150 can really put a strain on your finances. If you don’t have the money, it is easier to say you don’t have it, but if you are on that borderline, you might feel that maybe you can, if you sacrifice a little….that’s not the way to do it folks. If it puts ANY strain on your finances…do not do it.<br /><br /> And if you get a troubling feeling over it, do not send any money. You have to have it resolved in your heart that the money you send is for a good reason, and you can part with it, and you will feel good about why you are sending it. If that feeling is not within you, if you are asking questions about the request for money, do NOT send it.<br /><br /> Now, if you have gone through all these steps, and decided NOT to send that person the money (or as much as they want), what do you do?<br /><br /> You could simply tell them how you feel, and how you are not sure if you should send them the money…in this case, $150. But if I may, let me suggest the following strategy.<br /><br /> Instead, if you feel indifferent about it, change the conversation, and tell him that because of certain situations, you may not be able to send him any money for a month or two. You don’t have to get into detail about this, after all, its none of his business anyway. Let him know that you will have to hold off on sending him any money for awhile, in this case, 2 months….<br /><br /> And wait for the response.<br /><br /> The response you get will tell you what this guy is really about. If an inmate truly appreciates what you did, he knows that everything he got was based on your kindness, and he was blessed enough to receive. If you chose not to send anymore, that is your decision, if you choose to bless him further, that is your decision. A grateful inmate would understand that he was always at the mercy of your kindness.<br /><br /> But a conning inmate would take issue with your “sudden change of heart”. He would not allow his “gravy train” to go away so easily, and would go into defense mode to keep “his” money. He may first get angry with you, but in doing so he may well have shown his hand. How?<br /><br /> Guys who get upset at people who might stop sending money may realize that YOU see him for what he is, and is going into defense mode, either by denial or using the guilt trip on you. These guys will get upset and try to make you feel bad because you don’t care about him anymore and may even imply that you think that he is conning you…<br /><br /> Which in many cases…he is.<br /><br /> But inmates who do that are first lashing out at you, but at the same time, trying to convince you that YOU are the problem, not him. When you see this response, or ones like it, it is almost a sure sign that he was conning you, but is trying to put all the guilt on you.<br /><br /> But understand, he isn’t trying to push you out…not if you have been sending him money on a constant stream. No inmate wants to lose their money source. So as angry or upset as he may be initially, he may resort to another tactic….sympathy.<br /><br /> If he cannot get you to feel guilty that YOU were wrong, he might try to get you to feel sorry for him by using situations that might get you to act on his behalf. They might say that they owe money to somebody, and they REALLY need to pay up or they might be in trouble.…<br /><br /> (which is interesting, because if you were sending them money all the time, they should NEVER need to borrow)<br /><br /> Or a sick relative might be trying to visit and he needs money to send to them so they can visit him one last time…or that he needs money to call his sick mother. Folks there is no end to what an inmate will say to get you to feel sorry for them. Some will even say they feel so bad over what they did to you that they thought about suicide.<br /><br /> Folks, there are thousands of excuses.<br /><br /> But often these come to try to get you to send them money again, or to pull you back into their control, to get back to sending them money. If the inmate is doing this, then you are pretty sure that they were conning you all the while.<br /><br /> Yet let me make this clear, there can be ways for an inmate to ask for forgiveness and earn back that trust. I am not saying that NO excuse is good. Heck, I would have loved to have known somebody that was willing to send me money while I was in prison. And if a person asked me if I could use a few dollars, I would likely said yes. If they did that for a few months, I would be spoiled by their kindness. I would not mean to be, but I would slowly be conditioned to rely on your kindness…and almost start to expect it.<br /><br /> That would not make me a con man, because we all desire a few dollars, but the con comes if my thoughts are to manipulate you to send me more money. If you freely send money without me asking, it is not a con. If I honestly needed the money, and you agreed to send, it is not a con. But if the intent is to manipulate you to send money for the sake of getting it for my own gain, then that IS a con.<br /><br /> (oh boy, I may have really hurt myself with that)<br /><br /> Folks, there is nothing wrong with sending money to an inmate, its your money, you do with it as you please. If you feel fine sending an inmate $1000 dollars or $10 dollars, that is your right. But when you do, make sure you trust the person, that the amount does not compromise your finances, and that you feel good after you send it. If those three fall in line, then you are doing the right thing. <br /><br /> I remember a reader from Canada that emailed me about a person she was sending money to. She started to worry that he was asking too much, and it had really start to put a strain on her finances. I told her that I would stop sending money, because in the details she told me, he clearly seemed to be out for her money. But she told me she was going to visit him, and talk to him about it. She was going to travel from Canada to I think New York, and was paying for the bus ride, which was pretty far (can’t remember where in Canada she was from).<br /><br /> She went to visit him, and in her email to me, she told me it was over, this guy seemed to only be interested in what she could do for him financially. I won’t share the details, because that is between her and whom she shared it with, but she knew after that visit that this was not a man she wanted to associate with anymore. So she cut him off, and I told her to expect some mail from him, to try to get her to reconsider.<br /><br /> I think a week or two later she emailed me, telling me that he had indeed tried to use sympathy to get her to send him some money, I think it was that he was in debt to some guys and really, really needed to pay them back or be in big trouble. She told me she was not sending anything to him anymore. It took a hard lesson but she learned and she actually was better for it. In fact, she did not bear a grudge against inmates in general, because she found another inmate to correspond to. Good for her.<br /><br /> This really is embarrassing for me to share, because if you read this, you might look at me differently. I mean, why should you support this Nolaw guy, he will probably take the money and set sail to Hawaii for a 2 week cruise….<br /><br /> (hmmm, sounds like a good idea though….)<br /><br /> But I suppose I would be a fool to say that if I had such money I would never consider something like that. Hey, I would like to enjoy life too, wouldn’t you do the same? For me to do what I need to do on these blogs, there are things I do need, those being ink, paper, and sooner or later, a new computer and printer. That helps me to continue to write, blog and create things like prison cards, prison encouragement certificates and other projects.<br /><br /> Yet life is more than that. If I am so blessed to receive an abundance of finances, or able to sell a lot of my books, I’d love to take my family out to dinner for once. I’d love to go to a theme park for a weekend…I’d love to buy new shoes, clothes and a video game here or there. I’d love to help pay bills, or finally pay off my student loan. There are lots of things I would like to do.<br /><br /> So when a person sends me a gift, I try to get a priority list set, some things are top priority, others are less, depending on what gets me to the best frame of mind. When I am there, I can write much more, and better, because I know the reward of my writing keeps me going. The source of my writing has to come from God, because I never wanted to write prison blogs to begin with.<br /><br /> (and yes I do pay tithes)<br /><br /> So when you support my blogs, it might mean me buying ink for the printer, or certificate paper, or card stock paper for the greeting cards. It might help buy a new computer. But it might also mean a juicy burger at McDonalds, or a new shirt, or a nice video game that makes me happy. It can also mean having the resources to give free encouragement certificates to those whom I can help, if I can afford it. So the intentions may well be different, so I don’t want you to think I am conning you.<br /><br /> Simply put, if it is NOT in your heart to support my blogs, don’t do it. I have to earn that trust if you are on the borderline, so let me do that by continuing to write as best I can. I try my best to speak as an ex felon, to share what I went through, so I try to give you the best spin on what inmates go through, but I cannot forget that this is prison, and a lot of guys that are there are indeed there for a reason. I say that to you as a reminder when you choose to send money to guys in prison. Trust me folks, they are not all bad, and many of them don’t intend to mislead folks, but sometimes the circumstances turn people the wrong way. Nobody is perfect, and I am certainly on that list. <br /><br /> But if you are wondering whether to send money to inmates, consider the questions we discussed, and then make your decision. Remember, its YOUR money, not his.<br /><br /> Anyway, I better go, not sure why I got this migraine again, I had one yesterday, and it came back today about 3pm….need to get some rest. Until next time….Nolaw97http://www.blogger.com/profile/02288903303317764466noreply@blogger.com0