#80 Prison Talk: Get the message

Prison Talk: Get the message

The last couple of days I have been doing some other stuff, and answering a couple of emails, I always try to give the higher priority of my writing to answering emails first, then blogging.

Before I continue, make sure to check out my creative prison writing on one of my prison blogs, a story I have coming called “Defending Job”. It is one of several projects where I can mix fiction with prison issues and real issues for those who have loved ones in prison. I will be posting that soon, once I finish the story. For those of you who have not seen it, I have already posted a short story called “Where does hope lie for ex felons”. If you missed it, check it out, or ask me about it.

In addition, let me add this as well. I often times ask you to email me, and when I share my email, I use what is called a broken email. For example, instead of saying, myname@server.com I might break it up like myname AT server DOT com, or something like that. The reason for this is because unfortunately there are people out there crawling the internet for any emails to spam. Many of these programs search for any email and snatch it up to spam, or use as spam. But if you break up the email, it is harder for it to snatch, because it may not recognize the email if it is broken up. Now, this may not totally eliminate spam, but if you have been using your whole email online and have been getting tons of crap, then break it up and after a few weeks you may well see a difference. I mean, getting 20 spams a week cut down to 5 is good, right?

So having said that, if you want to email me, my addy is likely somewhere on this blog, but if you can figure it out, use the embarqmail.com and send it to derf4000. Make sure you but that “@” between it.

(did you get it?)

Now, about the title. I am sharing this based off a comment on a post I shared awhile back on another site. I was reading a post I wrote about prison visitation, I think it was called “What happens after the visit”. I can’t remember, I have written so many. But as I was checking out the responses, one of the last ones was from a lady who had a loved one in prison, I think she said he was in boot camp, and she said that after reading it, she was now more worried about visiting her loved one. She said this because she didn’t want to put more pressure on him, based on what I shared in that post.

I wrote back in a gentle response to encourage her to not be fearful of going to the visit, but to go to encourage him. Some people read that post and looked only at the problems inmates face while trying to readjust to prison life after the visit.

See, when many inmates have a visit, it is a real emotional high for them, they feel great, they are happy and are talking to someone they love. But after that visit, there is that sense of detatchment, where the loved one gets to return to a free society, and you get to go back into the depths of prison. You gotta admit, that is a major change inside of a few minutes.

Many inmates have an emotional letdown, after watching their mom, sister, grandmother, wife, girlfriend, or whomever, walk away. And sometimes it is made worse if that loved one sheds tears. These things play on that inmate, and it can cause a letdown. This is what I talked about in that post. But if you read the entire post, you will see that it does not end there. I mentioned that there are a lot of things your loved one might go through in that readjustment period, but in many cases, they get through it all in a very short time, for some a few minutes, some a few hours…but they get through it.

I think a lot of people missed that, because they were too busy looking at the negatives, and in doing so, could very likely make a bad mistake based on reading some of what I wrote. I don’t want that lady to think that maybe it is better NOT to visit, that is not true at all. Inmates NEED their loved ones to visit, and lets be honest, you need to see them too. If you have been crying every night because you are worried for him, then it is likely that you need to see him anyway.

So I wrote in that post for her to stay encouraged, and visit him because it helps both of you. I shared on that post an example of how this same post I shared on another site was mistaken as well. I shared on a site called Mothers with sons in prison (of which lately I have not seen any forums) that very same post, and the administrator accused me of lying because in her opinion (based on what she heard from her son), nobody gets upset when visitation is over, and everybody is happy.

Folks…that is not true at all.

Don’t tell me that every inmate, after the visit is over, and having watched their mom, or wife or girlfriend leave the prison, that they don’t feel some sense of depression. It does not have to be serious, it just has to be there. If a man doing 20 years has a visit from his mom, don’t tell me he does not feel some sense of sadness when he has to go back to his cell while she goes home, with tears in her eyes. Don’t you DARE tell me that every inmate takes it with a grain of salt!

But that lady on the site did the same thing, she read part of my blog, and made her judgment based on that. I took offense to what she said, and it was my last post I shared there. I would not have minded if she said that her son feels this way or that, because we all have an opinion, but when she decided that “maybe” I was wrong, or lying…that was over the line. After I read that, I made my final comment on the site…and left.

This is why so many prison support sites are spinning in circles, they don’t have real ex felons to help people understand how prison works, and when they get one or two, they are too busy trying to crucify them because they don’t want to believe what they are saying, and want to impress other folks that their second hand knowledge is better than first hand knowledge….Prison Talk is notorious for that.

So I say to you guys, when you read my blogs or posts….read ALL of it, get the full message out of it before jumping the gun. If you have a question about anything I have written, my email works, so try it. Use the embarqmail.com and add the derf4000 to it, but don’t forget the “@” between it. If you email me, I will answer it.

Anyway, it is early Friday, so let the weekend begin. Oh, just in case I forget, with the basketball tournaments starting, I might limit my blogs for awhile. If you know me, you know I love sports, and many of the conference tournaments began this week. So I will have a blast watching those. So if you notice that I have not been blogging much for awhile, that might be the case. Until then….