#204 Consider strongly your words (new)

Consider strongly your words

Today is kinda a tough day so far, about 6:30pm as I sit here with a headache, with allergies and still drowsy from two Benedryl I took late last night. So right now I am not feeling so hot.

But I wanted to blog some thoughts out on the importance of what you say, the words you carry, which tell much about what is in your heart. Now, when I talk about what we “say” it does not necessarily mean what we say vocally, it also means what we say on paper, or virtual paper, such as the internet.

I have often times said to myself that I really need to stop sharing blogs on prison support sites, because often times what people call “support” really isn’t support, it is basically avenue for people to vent, or whine about their problems.

Now understand, this isn’t always a bad thing, because this is the reason why these support sites exist in the first place. There clearly is a need for these sites, but often times people who go to those sites completely miss the idea of WHY it is there.

One case in point is the site I used to share a lot of blogs for, one called Daily Strength. Now, don’t twist my words to make it think that I am saying it is a waste of time, it is not. But when you are looking to help others, or to contribute to a site, one has to strongly consider if people are really paying attention to the site.

I am not so encouraged to believe that many of those people are there truly looking for support. I think many are missing a critical part of the foundation of the group, and groups like it, and by doing so, they often times are walking right over the solution, ignoring chances for getting answers.

In the last couple of weeks, I have shared some of my blogs on that site. They would be listed under “discussion”, so that others can read it and possibly get some help. The reason why I shared these blogs is because I know they can help others. After all, these are people looking for help, and they need a place to get it.

On the site, one of the things you can check on the site is to check to see who has written a comment on your post, and how many have contributed to the post. Sometimes when I post multiple posts here, I will send a few to that site as well. Sometimes it might be one, sometimes as many as 4, sometimes even 5.

So I put those up, leaving it there for those to comment, but more importantly, to get help if they need it. So very, very few of the posts there deal with talking about prison, or those that have done time, so it would be very rare to share some posts about it. Just like most other places, what I share isn’t a mystery, but because so few talk about it, the info I share is often well received.

But the problem I noticed with Daily Strength is that after a day or two, I notice that my posts are slowly pushed down and other posts are put near the top; either new posts or older ones with new comments.

Now, THAT isn’t the problem, its something else.

I would have 2, 3 or even 4 posts there, and I would notice that nobody is commenting on those posts, but moreso on posts written by people who are having problems, or somebody that just wanted to vent, or somebody that has a problem.

Now, don’t get lost here, otherwise you will see me for a fool.

Something is wrong about a group when more people are talking about their problems, writing new posts and others chime in on it, than reading posts that can help build strength and faith…I mean, it IS called “prison support”

And I think it bothers me because its like these people didn’t even try to read my posts, and just jumped right over it to talk about their problem. It was like the idea was not to FIRST find a solution, but to WHINE about it first..

And again, don’t lose me here folks, I am going to touch at the heart of this in a sec…

The last couple of weeks I have seen that my posts were not commented on nearly as much as those who were venting or upset about a problem that sometimes resolved itself a few days later. I found that many people were requesting me on their “friend’s list”, but most would never email me about why we should be friends.

I mean, how many of you are on a site with a large number of friends, and 99% of them you never really talk to? What’s the point?

Today, before writing this blog, I went back and removed everybody on my friends list. Something just didn’t seem right about it. Many of them probably added me on so they can keep up with the posts I share on the site, but those same people never commented on it when I put it up, so it gets slid down the list in place of other posts, many of which are written in panic, fear or anger mode.

Now, if all this sounds self righteous to you, I can understand that…but if you can, allow me to now EXPLAIN the reason I feel this way, the reason why I deleted all those on my friends list, and how I am likely going to post ONE more post, and leave it be:

Folks, when you go to a site, the way you participate shows much about what is in your heart. We are assuming that just visiting a prison support site means you are looking for help. And carnally that sounds right…but spiritually there is a lot to be said about this, something I think many people miss, or ignore.

The words in your posts say much about what is truly in your heart. There is a scripture that goes something like, “from the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks”. This means that sooner or later, the heart will speak through you. So whatever is the majority of your heart will sooner or later show in what you physically say, or in this case, write (as in blog or post).

Carefully consider what you say when you contribute to prison support sites, because it says a LOT about you, whether you mean it to or not. Its not what you write once or twice, because we can lie to each other, but the ABUNDANCE of your heart will eventually be spoken by you.

When you read my blogs, it might be easy to assume the wrong things about me in one post or two. Heaven knows I have been accused of being a con man after mentioning my “Grades of Honor” books, but people who say that have only read a few of my posts. One might say the same thing when it comes to some of the blogs where I mentioned supporting my blogs.

But if you took the time to read enough of my blogs, you will see if I am sincere in what I share or not. If I am lying to you, then sooner or later, you will see it, even if I try to hide it from you. I can’t betray my heart if I write long enough.

That goes for everybody.

When a person goes to a prison support site, they have options of how they will contribute to the site, based on what their heart says. We always assume that those who go to a site like Daily Strength are all looking for answers…this is not always true.

If a person has a loved one in prison, and is truly looking for help, let’s say they come across the Daily Strength site. I’d like to use my blog, but let’s use the Daily Strength because it has a forum, whereas my blog is just me running my mouth.

If you go to the site, the FIRST thing you are looking for is help….

NOT SUPPORT!

That’s a major mistake people make, because there is a huge difference. Support does not mean you get answers…it just means in the carnal sense that you are around people that are having similar problems like you. But you tell me this…if you had cancer, would you want to be around those that are suffering from cancer…or around those who BEAT cancer.

The key is that although many times support gives some strength, that is always temporary. You want to be around people that BEAT it, because it gives you hope that it can be done. Again, I am not stepping on those that are in the support phase, but if you look at it carnally, it is not designed to win, only to maintain.

No different with prison support sites, and I see this with Daily Strength. If you have a loved one in prison, you are not looking to chat with people just because they have problems too, you are looking to find solutions and overcome the problem. If so, then when you find such a site, the FIRST thing you are looking for, is answers to your questions.

When you have your only son sent to prison, or your husband, or your boyfriend who has just been sent to prison, you are looking for help. What am I going to do now, how do I cope, what can I do, those kinda questions.

But when you first go to a site, you heart MUST be in that mode to find answers. By doing this, you are placing FAITH in answers. You came LOOKING for answers, so find it!

This is why I shared some of my posts, to make quick references to those with loved ones in prison. You guys know how I write, I try to make things encouraging and faithful as best I can. The reason is to give you hope, so that when you find the site, you are given immediate material to read, to build hope and faith.

But to find that, you have to have your heart set to seek that information. You have to actively seek those answers first, but after you find them, you have a couple of options.

Think about this folks, and how this so strongly relates to what is in your heart. When you find a good post, what do you do after you read it? If a person writes something that imparts faith or hope, you are likely to do a few things. One, you’re likely going to save it. Two, you are possibly going to make a comment on it, sharing your faith in the discussion, or three, you are going to find out who wrote it so you can either ask them a question or, as in many prison support groups, add them to your friend’s list.

Folks, these are acts of faith, people looking for solutions. It takes an active level of faith to do this, to look for answers on a prison support site, then to ACT on the faith that is stirred in you. If you took the energy to write a positive comment on such a post, you are demonstrating faith. Even if you came to the site feeling down, to make a comment on a post that encourages you builds faith. You are BUILDING on your faith.

The same is said if you actively seek that person, and ask them a question. By this way, this is the truest support of support, which is to find those who can help you, and ask them to help you. You are asking, and you are seeking, because you want to find answers to your problem.

The things you write in those types of comments say much about your frame of mind, and how you are looking for a solution. Now, in relation to my posts in particular, I might think that if a person is really looking for help, they would have run across some of my posts, and made a comment that lets me know that they appreciate it, and that in doing so, they are building some faith, and encouraged in what is shared.

HOWEVER, most people on prison support sites don’t do this, which may well say something else about them.

It discourages me when I see so many posts about somebody’s problem, or somebody writing in panic, or venting about somebody. Often times the problems these people have can be helped greatly if they would take the time to read positive and constructive posts.

The problem is, many times they skip over it, because in their heart, they feel their problem is greater than the solution.

You hear that….they feel that the PROBLEM is greater than the SOLUTION.

And there must be some truth to it, because to those people, it was more important to post a “Help me” post, rather than READING the helpful posts that were already up there.

If you jump over 5 or so posts about encouragement without making a single comment, then slap up a post about you venting, or in panic mode about a problem, you did not come for support….you came to stage your problem.

When I say “stage” I don’t mean to fake it, I mean that you came with the idea that no matter WHAT was shared, you were going to share your problem. The problem with this is that it seems to imply that you weren’t looking for a solution anyway. In such a way, your heart was never set on receiving answers or faith, you came in it with the wrong state of mind.

You have to be solutions oriented if you hope to find solutions. But too often, people on prison support sites come ready to take the stage and cry about their problems. This is not always bad, often times it is important to ask for a solution. But when there are posts of positive construction, or encouragement, if you skip over those because you feel that you need to post about your problem, then your heart was never set on receiving answers anyway.

When I look at sites that have so many people making posts about their problem, the first thing I think about is, “did that person read the other posts to see if there was already some solution”. Or, if not, did these people try to private message someone to see if they could help? Did they even TRY to build some confidence by finding posts that give hope? Or were they dead set to just post because that was what was in their heart?

Just before I started this blog, I had about 25 people on my “friend’s list” at Daily Strength. I also noticed that inside of a week, the posts I had put up there had been pushed out, with little to no comments. Does this mean no one cared about what I was sharing, not really. But because there were no comments, it implies that very few, if any of these people, were really looking to embrace faith or encouragement.

Sure, everybody WANTS it, but often times our heart is set on the fear, panic, anger of the problem, and we tend to embrace that before we can get a solution. Again, everybody WANTS a solution, but many people think that the solution can come AFTER they glorify their problem. But it does not work that way.

If you are REALLY looking for answers, then ask yourself, how are you acting on that goal? What is your heart really saying about the situation, and what are you saying in response to that? This says a heck of a lot more than you realize. When I see a site full of posts written by people in fear or anger or panic, I also look to see if these people are even trying to comment on positive discussion posts. Even if you said “amen” to a positive post, you are adding your faith to it, and building some yourself.

It amazes me how I can share a post on Daily Strength about faith, and nobody says a word, but somebody writes a post about their problems with a loved one in prison, and they get all kinds of responses. Now, there is nothing wrong in lending support to such a person…but are you building faith by posting on more faithful discussion?

My posts have slid to the second page as of this moment (the most recent ones I shared). The post “I dare you”, written to encourage people to not give up on their loved ones…no comments.,

“Finding God in Prison“…no comments

“Why blog about prison“…no comments.

“Fighting through the negatives” no comments.

“Mother’s Day in prison (a short story) pt 1... No comments.

“Mother’s Day in prison (a short story) pt 2” One comment.

You guys read these blogs, you know I wrote these with the idea to build hope, to give faith, to encourage. If you are truly looking for answers, these would have been good things to read. I am not saying it is the gospel, but if you came looking for help, doesn’t this count?

Yet somebody making a post about having a nervous breakdown has several comments. Did the author of this post bother to find encouraging posts, or were they dead set to talk about this problem…EVEN IF there were answers or encouragement right there before their eyes?

If you are too dead set to talk about your problem, then you are not in the right frame of mind to receive help, not the spiritual kind anyway. There is no faith when you go out of your way to talk about the negatives like that. Oh, it seems right on a prison support site, but I’d have to ask of that person, did they bother to read other posts before making that one? Did they try to private message anyone who seemed to be writing encouraging posts to ask them what to do? If they ignored that, then they ignored the help that was more readily available than just shouting the problem from the rooftops.

A post about “what is his problem” has 14 comments.

A post “feeling so like crap today” has 4 comments.

A post, “I am leaving this site” has 18 comments.

A post “losing myself” has 10 comments.

Heck, just as I am even writing this blog, a new one pops up, titled “feeling awful”

Is ANYBODY reading the faith based posts?

My goodness, am I wasting my time on these prison support sites if nobody is taking an effort to build faith and establish hope? I am not the patron saint on prison writing, but I have written far more than enough to know that what I am putting on sites like this can be helpful if somebody is LOOKING for help.

But too often people step over solutions and try to talk about problems in the open, when they might have been able to find help if they took the time to read some encouraging posts, and taking the time to message those that are in a position to help.

The sad fact is that although many people go to prison support sites, most are not able to receive faith, and so they are stuck talking about the problem, when the power to help was already there. And it kinda makes me feel left out, because its like I am sitting there trying to encourage, but everybody is walking past me, going to somebody who is talking about their problem. Those people get the “amens”, while it seems those who try encourage are left alone.

So right now I kinda feel disenchanted with Daily Strength, to be sure there are indeed some very nice people there, don’t get me wrong on this at all. Some of my current readers come from Daily Strength, and I have received some wonderful support from a few. But when I check the site, I look for comments to my posts. If I see some, I can believe there are people there looking for answers. That same strength allows me to also check some of the other posts that I didn’t write, to see if I can help some of these people.

But when NOBODY is saying anything on my posts, it gives me the implication that nobody on Daily Strength gives a flying flip about what I am saying. Its like they came to whine about their problems, and by hell or high water, they are going to have their say. Even if the solution is right in front of their eyes, they will swat it like a pesky mosquito and continue on their way until they have the stage to tell everybody about their problem.

From the abundance of your heart, your mouth will speak…or type, as the case may be. So if the people on Daily Strength want to continue to talk about being depressed, being panicked, being angry because of their loved one, or things like that…fine, go ahead and do that.

But if you continue to ignore those who are trying to help, well, that’s your choice. But when you don’t get answers to your question, when you are still crying in the night and making additional posts about how bad you feel, don’t blame me. Don’t blame anybody but the person who refused to embrace hope, and embraced fear and panic.

So, what I will do is this, I will post one more post there, and leave it be. See, the intent is still to help, but if I am talking to the wall, why bother helping them? If the site sees no value in what I am sharing, then maybe I am not wanted. I won’t waste my blogs if people are set in unfaith and no hope. Carnally it seems they are trying to support one another, but spiritually, I think most of the people there are so far away from faith that its another galaxy.

Oh well, I better go. I promised myself one more blog there. I removed all the people off my friends list, if they want to re add me, cool, but I am kinda strict on those that add me. If you do, don’t waste your time if you have no intentions of talking. ASK questions folks, that’s why I am posting! If not, don’t waste your time or mine.

I’ll write 20 pages if I thought it can help you, but I won’t write 20 pages and post it on a site where 100 people will read it, but not one of them has the faith or courage to at least say something positive about it.

Anyway, you know the drill, email me if you have a question, or want to support my blogs, or interested in my books, cards and the like…until then….