#203 "Experts" of prison subjects (retro)

“Experts” of prison subjects

Today I am remembering the blog I shared yesterday, and answered some emails from readers who understood where I was coming from. You have to understand where I come from, and why this subject is very important.

If you don’t know much about my writings, or how long I have been writing on prison issues, I can understand how this might bring a question as to what this guy named Nolaw97 is talking about. I mean, who is this self-righteous CON MAN to tell me what prison is about?

Is that what you have asked? Well, let me tell you. First off, drop the idea of me being self-righteous…thank you.

The reason why this is important is because when you are out there looking for advice or help, you are looking for credibility and sincerity. Both have to be there, else you will not truly get the help you need. When you are looking for some real answers to problems you have, in this case, prison support, you need to hear from people who know about prison, and who show a clear interest in your problem.

See, that is not always the case with some people who talk about prison. Some might know about prison, but are not sympathetic to YOUR needs. You can have person talk about prison, but do they care about inmates and prison?

There are lots of levels here, because “caring” is a relative term. Are you looking for someone to care about inmates, or to care about YOUR problems to the point that they would be willing to work for you?

Now I will say here that that kinda assumption is unfair to the person trying to help, and often times people lean on these kinda people to not just be sympathetic, but to do the work that you may be afraid of doing.

Lots of people do this without knowing, but it does happen. I don’t mind helping people understand what their loved one is going through, and I often times email back and forth, and write blogs to help others out, but every now and then a person seems to think that I am supposed to work as a second hand lawyer for their loved one. There is a fine line between what I can do for you, and what you want me to do for you.

Case in point, about a year or so ago I had a lady email me about her loved one. She was very worried about him and as we conversed back and forth, she asked me if I would be willing to read the transcript on her loved one’s case.

This was a bad move…and I knew it.

Nowhere did I ever say I was a lawyer, yet in her desperation to try to help her loved one, she was actually trying to make me something I was not…a lawyer. I knew I was not qualified to even read it, and I tried to break it to her gently. I told her that she needed a lawyer to do that, because I was nowhere even close to being qualified. But she insisted if I could just “take a look”.

Regretting it even as I answered, I said I would at least take a look… knowing there was nothing I could do. So she emailed me the transcript…

It was well over ONE HUNDRED PAGES!

What in the name of Matlock was I supposed to do with THAT? I actually got upset at this, because I thought it might be a couple of pages, this thing was close to about 200 pages long! This person was actually thinking that I was going to spend my time reading a transcript and then give her some legal advice, both of which was impossible for me to do. But she asked, on the idea that I might. It was a very unfair request, one she did apologize for later after I made mention of it to her and on my blog.

So yeah, getting help in prison issues requires some effort on your part too. Don’t forget that.

Now, as I was saying, when reading info on prison issues, you are looking for credibility and sincerity, both have to be there. When you read a blog or post online, how credible is the person saying the comments of words? Do you believe him or her? If so, why?

Why would someone believe my blogs? Well, I cannot answer that because every person sees things differently. But I stand on my credibility because first and foremost, I have been there…in prison.

“But that does not mean you have to be in prison to talk about it”

That is true, very true. Advice about prison issues does not always have to come from someone who was behind those bars. Heck, most prison sites are full of people who have never done time, but may be married to someone, or have a son, daughter, or relative or boyfriend there. So credibility does not have to mean personal experience. But it does have to have SOME experience in the understanding of prison.

Remember, this does not mean that you have to be an ex felon to talk about it. A prison guard can talk about prison with some credibility. A mother with a son in prison can talk about prison with some credibility. A police officer or judge can talk about prison with some credibility. But in any case, there must be some form of credibility for you to believe that what this person is saying is true.

Remember the person I was talking about in my last blog, the one who was debating my article about the Inmate Hierarchy of Needs? This person actually made a comment on another person’s post talking about how they studied in psychology and they talked as if they had the answer for the person’s problem. I read the post and the best word I can take from his or her answer was “condescending”.

The person seems to clearly separate themselves from “everyone else” on the post by acting like their answer is the ONLY answer, maybe because they are the smartest ones on the site, and everybody should listen to only them.

This is where the second part comes in, SINCERITY.

Even if you knew what you were talking about, if you don’t have an ounce of sincerity, it is worthless because what you are doing is treating people like low subjects. Helping people is not about “bending over to their level”, it should be in a way that shows the person in need that you are with them, eye-to-eye, in the situation.

Some of you know how I do things here, if you email me with something that might be a good subject, I will email you back, and I might also blog out my thoughts so we can get some better understanding in it. My goal is to do my best to answer your questions, but that does not mean I am here to answer all questions. I physically just cannot do that, because some people will take advantage of it and bug me about things they could have done themselves.

I do make myself available to do more for readers whom I know follow my blogs and have supported me in the past, so if you are new to my blogs, I am probably not going to be able to help you write that letter to the prison to help your loved one get that transfer. I have to get to know you better, so I can see your sincerity.

See, it goes both ways. You need to see that as a prison issue writer, I really care about you, and at the same time, I have to see it in you if I am going to give you my best.

So as you read blogs and posts all over the internet about prison issues, think about those two qualities. Does the source have credibility in what he writes, either as personal experience, indirect experience or one who has contributed a lot in writing? Is the person sincere, in that they really seem to care about helping, or are they act like they are coming down from the holy mountain to the ignorant subjects below?

I know I am not the best prison writer on the internet, but I stake my credibility on the fact that I have done time, and that I have been writing for over 5 years. I also stake my sincerity in the people that have emailed me and supported my works. I really do care for those who read my blogs and need to find hope.

Do this as you go around the internet looking for answers…test the sincerity of the info you get. Read it and think, does this person really care about others, or just themselves? Do they share posts just to be heard, or to give info to help others? Folks this is important to you because it will determine how much info you are willing to receive as you look for answers in this difficult time. If you trust nobody, then don’t expect to get any help from anybody. If you don’t believe anybody cares about your problem, then again…don’t expect any help from anybody.

It’s a delicate balance when it comes to prison writing. All I can do is give you my best when I blog, based on what you want to hear. I have been there, and I have written thousands of pages on this. But even moreso, I want to help you, if I can. That does not mean that I CAN, because I am only one person, but it is my desire to help you get through this.

I read that post from the “doctor” and just felt that whoever that person is, they really don’t care much about the person…just the idea of criminal behavior. It’s odd, people in psychology often talk about human behavior, but often ignore the human part of the equation. It’s easy to tell people about human behavior you read in a book…how much do you REALLY know about it in real life, say in prison relationships and inmate beliefs?

Hmmm, sounds like a blog I could do…but it’s late, so I better go. Email me at derf4000 (at) embarqmail (dot) com to ask me about stuff or support my works.